Undone

So I just goo-ed on my private forums with my friends that I really … REALLY hate hiking. that really … could be bolded, and underlined. But I’m lazy. See? LAZY.

Anyway. Let’s review the history of Meryl and hiking. I went hiking once with Girl Scouts. I was a girl Scout. I sold cookies. I had a sash. It was adorable. HOWEVER, the hiking. not so much my friend. They said “ooh let’s go hiking” and I thought “ooh fun.” Because I was like 7 or maybe 8 at the time and I was down with the in crowd and enjoyed the thought of doing stuff outside. Why not?? Well, it had just finished raining, and it wasn’t really muddy, but it was slick. We decided to go down a rocky place, thinking “Oh this wouldn’t be so bad” And yes, we had leaders with us, who was thinking “Oh Meryl never gets hurt, let’s do this, what a fabulous idea” PISS! They were morons. Anyway. I have a bit of problems with heights. I always have. Also steep things. Not a fan. Steep equals falling to me. Scott can testify that I have argued with him about walking down STEEP hills. A Hill. As in grassy knoll outside of a local mall. Outright argument and fight about it. This is why…..

Anyway. we’re traversing, and we don’t even get that far from the cabin until I inevitably slip and fall and Cut my butt on the stupid sharp rocks. YES. Maybe this is a keen time to add that NO ONE I was with I was really close with. I had friends from School, but other wise… just me. So I had to have one of the leaders bandage my swiftly bleeding butt. Yep. Loved it.

OH and let’s not forget the time that I went hiking with our ward Youth conference. It was a pioneer Trek. And if you’ve never been forced to go, be happy. I wasn’t Unhappy about going, I was unhappy about the hiking. I am not a fast walker. I enjoy going at my pace, slow and steady. However, the people in my “family” wanted to race with the other hand carts, and they left me behind. (Thanks a lot jerks) Oh and they took my water too. In the middle of summer, in wyoming. Where there weren’t any trees or pleasant breezes. NADA. Just… really really warm. I’ve never been excellent at drinking water, i don’t like drinking it. I don’t know why. Maybe I hate myself a little. Anyway. One of our support trucks picked me up. Which was nice. I got in and the gentleman offered me water. being the staunch polite girl i was, I said no. I finally caught up with my “family” and we got to camp. No one but me (out of the kids) knew how to pump water. So I stood and did that for a good 40 minutes. Then, Sitting around, my brother and a close friend of mine noticed I was feeling ill and dragged me into the shade. Yep. I had good case of heat Stroke. Whoo whoo! I sat around for the evening vomiting what water i took in and being carted to the outhouse by the young men in my ward. EMBARRASSING!

The long and short of it is, I don’t like people saying “You have to do this, really, you should do this! It’ll be so amazing, you should hike!” blah blah blah. I’m fat. I’ve been fat for a long time. I don’t see that just magically changing (and shut your mouth with the “Maybe it would if you hiked!!”) so the idea of “Let’s walk 5 miles up and back to see something that you could probably download from your computer at home” I’m just not down with that. I like strolling. I prefer to do that alone. Hiking alone is a recipe for lost hiker. Basically it’s a moronic thing to do. I get sick in the sun now. Like at the drop of a hat. I prefer to stay inside. Any walking to be done, will be done on a tredmill. Thanks though.

Derringer Meryl [pow pow] Out

Doesn’t it seem like theres always stuff to do!?

I have been trying to wean myself off my antidepressants. I hate taking pills, and it just seems like they are hard to keep up with.

My car is being stupid and broken. Which is frustrating. I am not enjoying having to have scott drive me to work. And then kate got foot and mouth and now I have sores in my mouth too!  It is no fun. I hope I didnt get anyone sick, but I never had a fever… So it’s hard to tell when I was contagious.

Scott’s Yoshi quilt is on my quilt frame. I just have to find energy and time to finish it. Blerg. So. Then I have a robot quilt to finish too.

Oh! If you find some nice cheap high quality flat sheets, I want to hand quilt a twin quilt for kate with bender on it!

Oh Lawdy, here we go….

Goals for 2010:

Save Money– Nope. Not really. we’d get there, and then a catastrphe would happen, and BAM, gone. So just a clean solid, No. Luckily we have a plan right now. I’m in control, and dang it, it’s going to happen.
Pay off debt (Most importantly RC Willey, and Scott’s Car) – Also No, THough we did get RC willey paid down, the car wasn’t paid more than usual. Also have a plan for this.
Have a great time at Disneyland – Heck yes! I love Disneyland> I’d live there if I could.
Give Audrey a Great Party (whoo hoo!) – Yep. Good party, we all had fun, she was adorable too!
Become a Stay at Home mom – Uh no. There was a snafu that ended up wtih Scott taking a lower paying job, due to being laid off. In any case, the high falutin’ dreams of staying at home with my kids are being put off. Should I ever win the lottery, this will come back into play. 😉
Spend more time with my kids and Scott – I know I can say Yes for the Scott one. WE have agreed on weekly date nights. They are often the highlight of my week. I do my best to spend the time ihave with my kids too. Sometimes though, I feel like they are constantly at a babysitter. I feel rotten about that.
Learn to Cook … better? More? Whichever, or both 😉 – I have to say that more of our meals this year were home made than in the past. There is still plenty of room for improvement though.
Learn and grow more in the gospel – God works in mysterious ways. I think a lot of growth was to be had this year.
Sit IN the chapel more than once a (EDIT) month. – I would say that more often than not when we did make it to church, we did sit in the chapel. Which makes me immensely happy.
Potty train Katie (if she’s ready, and I think she is. 🙂 – YES! Katie is pretty solidly potty trained, dry though the night, dry in the day, no accidents for a while. I am pleased!!! Such a big girl!

Goals for the new year? Why not. I am not disclosing all of my goals, I think some things are best worked out in private:

Debt Debt debt. I will pay off RC willey, however I will incur new debt in fixing the roof. I hope to have that paid off this year too!
Find happiness in my life.
Keep my house in order
Grow Closer to the Lord
Cook more
Attend a Concert (Out of the blue right?)
Finish some quilts

That’s all I can think of at the moment. If I think of more, I’ll come back and add them in. 😉

Recap. Hmm

Started Depression Meds
Scott got New job
Scott Got Laid off and hired a new place same day (thank Goodness!)
Went To Disneyland with DQ Had a blast
DQ Meets someone
Big Bro and Fam Come to visit
Audrey Says Mama!
I stop taking my meds…
Pep Is born
Kate turns 3! OMG!
Audrey Starts Scooting
Not taking meds is a bad idea
DQ is engaged! Huzzah
Go to Interview for new job
Start Therapy
Finally (a month later) hear back from job, GOT THE JOB!! YAY! I left Hell Job! HUZZAH!
Start new job
Quit therapy
Little JD is born!
Decide to dye my hair
shortly there after, decide not to
DQ gets married *tear, Sniffle*
Audrey Sliced my foot open. Ouch
Finish Little JD’s quilt
Repair Little G’s quilt
Start whole heartedly on Scott’s quilt
Decide to craft more for Christmas
Little G was born! So much love!
Christmas
Turn… old. 😉

That’s about it Folks. I’m sure I’ve forgotten something… or a lot of somethings. Don’t fault me. I’m brain dead.

Derringer Meryl [Love, peace, happiness] out

Why is Mommy So Mad?

I was discussing something along these lines with a friend of mine. I think every woman, and even person, has different opinions on what kind of “parenting” style is best. But the truth is, it’s BEST for them. I like to keep my mind open, I like to hear about what other people do, simply because I DO NOT know what I’m doing. I try to do my best. I try to keep my kids happy and well balanced. Though it’s becoming quickly apparent that they are SPOILED (really bad! I certainly didn’t have this many toys! Clothes, or people catering to me!) but other than that, we try to curb them fairly well. Teach them manners, and not to be jerks, and it’s hard! I think everyone is just trying not to screw their kids up. And quite honestly– I dont’ think there is a way to do that….

The debates don’t end with Child rearing. I suppose you could say they start with pregnancy. How to behave, no pills no help, midwife, OBGYN…. Home births, water births (though not mutually exclusive), c-section, natural, epidural… blah blah blah… What is right and wrong. People talk about C-sections like it’s horrible. Like you’re going to get sliced into like a christmas ham and left to bleed out on the table. Good Lord. I am defensive, I’ll admit, because I have a lot of baggage about my C-section. I can hear my mom saying “but you had to have one” and while that’s technically true in a way, I had a choice. I took the path of less resistance. I will full on admit that I think people spouting the “Your body knows when to push your baby out” bullshit. Excuse my french. Maybe their body is reliable, and can do things like that. Maybe they’re blessed with the patience and ability to sit around and nest instead of being chained to a desk nearly in tears from the pain of being pregnant while trying to help some moron with their customer service needs. Maybe some women enjoy the experience of working up until their water breaks or they bust out in full on contractions, But I was SICK of waiting. I was sick of feeling the hiccups and the kicks while hearing someone whine about their cellphone’s lack of signal when they were talking in the subway. I guess what I’m saying is, Maybe next time I can enjoy being pregnant, and maybe someday I’ll be able to sit around and have warm fuzzy feelings about wanting to wait my baby out, but over all. I was wanting her out (either or) and I wanted them out sooner than later. maybe I’m impatient, but honestly, does that make me a bad mommy? no.

Be happy with your choices. Love yourself and you children, and to hell with anyone who criticizes your parenting choices. ;P

Derringer Meryl [haha] Out

Recently, a coworker and I were discussing about what our bliss was. For those who go “what the what?” when they hear that, it’s a job or task that you feel happiest doing. Like if someone paid you to do that, you’d be in heaven. For me, i have a few things that zen me out. Like I would LOVE to do them for a job. 1- Bein’ a mom. It’s ROUGH right? But I love my kids. I would totally nanny it up and take them to parks and to mueseums and stuff that’s hard to do now because I’m at work, and exhausted all the time usually (not to say SAHM’s aren’t exhausted, I’m just sayin’ you muster up energy when it’s your job and you’re getting paid!!) I would love to get paid to just… be a mom. I think I’m pretty good at it. Not perfect, but as I always say “I’m not snorting crack off my baby’s stomach, so i’m not the worst mom out there.” 2- Write. I am not always the best writer, but I think I could grow and get better. Boogers that reminds me of something i wanted to write out earlier….. Anyway, the proverbial cherry on the sundae of awesomeness would being able to write about being a mom gamer. i think it’s kind of a new situation for a lot of women out there. Also to the moms that aren’t gamers, I feel like I could lend a mommy hand and say “i know this seems weird and you don’t get it, but let me help you” I don’t know. The damn wii opened things up so a lot of mom’s are getting into it more, but I guess that doesn’t mean they understand it completely…. anyway… third, i think, is the most shocking. 3 – Broadcasting/Radio DJ. I am serious, fo’ shiz. I listen to the radio a lot, more than anything else i’d say, because I love Radio Dj’s especially the local ones we have here on X96 in the morning. I’d love to work with them as a intern, but they only take people in HS or in college. I’m neither. So I just sit and listen to the good time they’re having and think “I’d love to be doing this. I think i could do it!” Although in the past I have thought I could be the following: Teacher, Lawyer, Actress, Librarian, Secretary, Realtor and accountant. i would still like to be a secretary, but… whatever. The fact of the matter is, i keep comign back to being a mom, and being a writer. I think, besides my voice, it’s something that has gotten me the most compliments (notice though that I didn’t ever mention wanting to be a singer. The only song I love singing absolutely at this point? Self Esteem by The Offspring. Oh yeah.)

Anyway. I was discussing Pioneer Woman (Ree Drummond) and how she has this MEGA SUCCESSFUL blog and ladidah. All i could find to say was A) more power to her, I would love to be like her and B) I am too tired after a day of wrangling adults who act like toddlers at work, to come home and do what she does. HELL I’m too tired to come home, play a video game, and then Blog about it. Oh massive tip here, a year of gamefly for Christmas? T’would be awesome. la la la love it. anyway. I have ideas, always in my head, and I think about how to bank roll them, but never really get past the idea part. I think it would be great to have a mocktail bar down here in dry-county. I think a place that is fancy enough that there would be a dance floor (for BALLROOM type dancing) would be fabulous, and have yummy meals and NO screaming kids. and no bongo drums, or people singing happy birthday…. maybe a nice string quartet… I’m just saying. I have plans. I have ideas. I think with help, my ideas could be successful. Also, I would like to eat out somewhere, where it is all tables for two. Where you sit and think “oh this would be a great place to be proposed to. Something classy! C”MON UTAH!!! CLASSY!?!

anyway. I think I better go jot down that idea I had.

derringer Meryl [wha wha WHAT UP!] Out