Undone

DQ is dating someone.

I”m having a hard time dealing with it.  Which sounds stupid. I feel like the universe is throwing everything at me at once this month, and it’s only the 12th. Seriously. It feels like i’m juggling so much and now it feels like an appendage has been cut off. I realize that eventually DQ had to get involved with someone, and I want her to be happy, I am just having a really emotional time right now. She stayed out late friday, for which she has apologized,  but I stayed up late, adding tired to sick to emotionally wrung out. I am pretty strung out and upset lately.  So if I have been snippy with you,  I am sorry.

Exhausted. This week, I would love to take time off. I would love to sit down and eat a load of junk food. Yum.

ETA: I love DQ. She is my bestest Bestie. it’s like a part of me is missing when she’s not around. I think when she does eventually move out/get married, I will be lost and extremely depressed. I don’t think there are adequate words to describe how sad I have been not having her around. I am immensely happy that she’s happy though, and have a hard time showing it because I’m too busy worrying about her. I totally guilted her tonight into Watching glee with me, but she should try to balance her time… right? Ok, Maybe I’m just a jerk, but I want someone to watch it with. My evenings are lonely. Why could I share her with friends but can’t share her with a boyfriend? What Is my major malfunction?

you’re my wingman goose!

Derringer Meryl [Junk] Out

I love this week. Scott isn’t closing at work (hurrah!) so we get to spend a lot more time together. Tonight we went with Scott’s best friend ever to give his fiancee her ring (it was being sized) and we got to chat for a little while to her roommates. (I’m having a difficult time thinking up names for them. Simply because the name “Red” is forever and always taken, so I have to think of a slightly more brilliant name. (or more original?))

Anyway, we went bowling after that– I lost horribly. I’m bad at it, besides the fact that i’m growing my nails out and the ball broke my thumb nail (grrr!) It was still a fun time to be had. 🙂 I enjoy going out and doing things a lot more than I used to. I’m still not very talky– but I think that is very much my own fault. We cheered each other on, Scott and I sang along to “American Pie” … i think he’s got a pretty good voice. Maybe we could be a husband wife duo like “The White Stripes” (Who I’m fairly sure are a Husband/Wife Duo) While we played, Scott and I cuddled after our frames (which you may find sickening, but if you saw what they were doing– you’d be much more comfortable with the cuddles)

*sighs* Not to say that I don’t like them– but I’m certainly hoping they get over this kissy make out phase soon. I’m sure they’re both wonderful people to converse with when they aren’t attached to one another’s faces. (Is that rude? I guess I’m pretty blunt) Moving on….

So we took her back to her house first, and it took them a while to say good bye, but Scott and I Understood it full well how it felt. Still it seemed like it crunched in on our goodbye time…. *sighs* I do miss Scott a lot of the time. I’m glad he doesn’t see me when he’s not around. I’m a grouchy mean person (quite contrary to what I want to be… considering my catch phrase is “be nice!”) I have a shorter fuse and I get frustrated with noises. It’s like being on concerta again. (Which instead of making me focus on one thing, made me focus on everything!) it’s a little wacky and zany…. I’m okay when he’s away (ie, I’m still breathing and existing and what not) but I really do miss him.

I try not to worry about all the things I have buzzing inside of my brain that i wish I could tell him. About how lucky I am to have found HIM. He’s constantly telling me how lucky he was to have found me– but… I could not be more lucky than I am. I figure that it’s all that pent up Karma finally coming back to me. (thank goodniess) and it’s surely payment for that one time I stood up for a girl in class, and then she picked on me too. 😛 I wish I could tell him all the things I think and how great he really is to me. Even in the written word the vocabulary for the supreme greatness evades me. (Grammar starts to go wonkey too) I love everything about him. *sighs* It’s so perfect.

Derringer Meryl [Falling in Love Again] Out

It’s been a bit, hasn’t it? I’ll cover from saturday forward, because– well, that’s the day I remember Last.

I stayed up really late on friday, so waking up on Saturday was hard, but I did it. I did my best to get my homework done…. but i’m a pretty easily distracted person when it comes to homework stuffages. I got most of one of my assignments done, and touched on my essay (draft one due today, not done) i got called into work, I wasn’t exactly thrilled with that. I got home and Care Bear, Scott, and I went down to D&D.

Now, as a precursor to the following, I realize that this was all me. I’m pretty sensitive to moods and stuff, and I mean ….. well, really really sensitive, that’s what I mean. Anyway, i felt like the mojo was off. I asked Scott about it, and he said everything felt normal to him. I can’t quite place it. It seems like something was missing, or something. I was very distracted all night too. *blush* Scott was playing very well too. I’m just not good at all that tactical stuff yet. It’s the same as my basic attack in video games, i’m a hack and slash. I don’t know all the cool moves, and I might never know them…. I just do what seems effective. Anyway, the big deal to me was that it seemed like the mojo was off.

Then I went with Care Bear to her Dorm, and stayed the night there. It was the shortest goodnight ever for Scott and I’s record book. It felt weird. Accompanied by the thoughts of “I can’t wait until we don’t have to say good bye llke this!” Care Bear and I talked until really late (catching up…)

On Sunday Scott fell asleep after I woke him up to come get me. So, we got to listen to some of Conference in the car… 🙂 It was good. I enjoyed conference. Lots about the family. Lots focusing on the duties of married people. I found it to apply greatly to me. Nothing much of consequence happened. I made Scott take a nap, because he was freaky exhausted from the week of staying up late. I know how that is. I feel like I could sleep through everything. *sighs* But alas, I have homework out the wazoo. I got to hang out a lot with Scott’s sisters, which i thought was neat. I love hanging out with Scott’s friends and family. I find that I’m getting to be less Shy Meryl, and more Normal Meryl… which is nice. I don’t particularly like being shy, i just sorta get… well, would it be silly to say …. stage fright? Cause that’s as close as I can think. Everyone is watching you. Wants to know more about you, and I’m just sitting there thinking “What should I say, should I say anything?” and now, Happily, some of that stuff has gone away. Sitting at dinner with Scott’s family is just like sitting to dinner with mine.

Scott Drove me home, he inquired about my mellow mood, and I brought something up, I dont’ really like to bring up…. my exes. I hate talking about them– but I realize that they are part of who I am now. In a way. Each of them (well, okay, a few of them) have changed my life, and Scott should know that they had a role in that. I don’t particularly like to talk about them simply because if Scott ever feels the way I feel about his exes… well, then it’s not his favorite topic either. But I had a few epiphanies about my dating history, and I thought i should share it with him. Then Scott and I covered some pressing details– and then he left, feeling a whole lot better than when he came. 🙂 I’m glad.

Anyway. I have to head to school. Maybe i can cover emotional aspects of this (like do my normal “I feel this way about that.” stuff) later on. Basically, my hands are tied in homework, so maybe not.

Derringer Meryl [Hecktic Homework Rush] Out

Apparently Scott was so tired last night (I would not doubt it. The tiredness sorta hit us all at once) he didn’t get to post about our fun night. 🙂

First we decided (or I decided, and I told Scott it would be a good idea) to ditch out on Spycraft. I was really tired, and I didn’t want to spend time with my siblings and the great chance there was of them embarrassing me. Not to mention they started at Seven, and Scott didn’t get here until nearly ten. So — whatever. I’m sure they digressed into watching SpongeBob by then.

Anyway, we went to go see Starsky and Hutch instead. Can I say Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson ROCK!? They’re a great comedy duo. Absolutely hilarious. Of course there was the obligatory oggle women and what not. C’mon, it’s a show based in the Seventies. It’s unnecessary, sure, but it makes the film more real to the seventies. *shrugs* At least I know Scott found them as stupid as I did. Also, Will Ferral was freaking awesome. H’es so hillarious. We had Ice Cream to eat during the film, which I probably shouldn’t have had. Being lactose intolerant and all. But it looked really good, and I don’t always feel too bad after eating some… and … well… *shrugs* anyway.

After the movie, Scott took me downtown (a good distance from the movie theater we were at.) and up on a hill to over see the city and look at the lights. It wasn’t too cold outside, but I began to shiver. (stupid body) I was really excited because I thought maybe it was the surprise proposal, but then I remembered that the ring was still being sized and that there were a few other complications too. So I tossed that out of my brain rather fast. Still, it was a very nice view, I wish we could have stayed longer, but once again, the shivers took over and Scott said he didn’t want me getting sick. (Which is sweet. I don’t get sick from the cold, just stupid things I should know better than to do) It was getting pretty late at this point, so we got in the car and he took me home.

So that’s the recap. I could go into mushy stuffs and what not, but I just remembered that i have work today, and my mom wants me to go and shop for something with her– and…

Oh what the heck.

it feels so right being around Scott. I feel right, the world feels right… Sometimes I feel a little silly because he says all these sweet things to me, and I just get so dumbfounded, I dont’ know what to say back. I have so many things buzzing around in my brain, to say, to suggest, to compliment, and– it just stays there, because I can’t do anything to get it out. It’s so frustrating sometimes. That’s why I’m grateful that I ahve this to write in. Sometimes I can say the things here to Scott that I can’t verbalize properly. For being on the debate team, I sure have a lack of vocabulary and quick tongue. I’m not very clever, but … I know Scott loves me. And he knows that I love him, even though i say it in my little voice.

Derringer Meryl [Going to Fly A Kite, I guess] Out

I must make this very short. I have classes and work tomorrow, but I thought I should update very quickly. I met some more of Scott’s friends tonight. They were very nice, and funny, people. We went to see Hidalgo and had some dinner. My favorite part of the night was snuggling with Scott at the movies. I guess you could call it snuggling. I don’t know. I do. *shrugs*

Can I say he makes the cutest pouty face? It really blows my pouty face out of the water, and mine is very impressive. Wins people over even over long distances– but his– is great. Not even five seconds I lasted. (realizes she sounds vaguely yiddish when she writes like that.) There was something different about Scott tonight though, I couldn’t really place it, but he looked super duper cute. I seriously tried to place it all night. All I can come up with is that he’s an irresistible guy. Which I’ve known since the moment I laid eyes on him… So i’m still wondering… what was so special about tonight?

Blah- I”ll have to think about it while i’m sleeping. Cause I can’t stay up anymore, I have CLASS! *kicks her class*

Derringer Meryl [I love him, I love him, I love him] Out