Undone

I want you to by Weezer, drop everything, Head over to weezer.com and LISTEN. I swear.

I’m not a huge fan girl… but wow. I could listen to this song forever. Best romance song ever. I would cry a million happy tears if I ever saw them in concert!

The moon was shining on the lake at night
The slayer T-shirt fit the scene just right
Your smeared mascara
I looked into your eyes and saw a light

You told me stories about your chickadees
They didn’t like BB guns or stupid archery
And Shaun the lifeguard
He let them use the pool all day for free

Then the conversation stopped
And I looked down at my feet
I was next to you and you were right there next to me
Then I said

Girl,if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to
So make them move (make them move)
cause I ain’t got all night

The rest of the summer was the best we’ve ever had
We watched titanic and it didn’t make us sad
I took you to flash back
You took me home to meet your mom and dad

Your mom cooked meat loaf,even though I don’t eat meat
I dug you so much,I took some for the team
Your dad was silent
His eyes were fixed to what was on TV

And the conversation stopped,and I looked down at the ring
Your folks were next to you
And you were right there next to me
And I said

Girl,if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to (I want you to)
I swear it’s true (swear it’s true)
Without you my heart is blue
Girl,if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to (I want you to)
So make the move (make the move)
cause I ain’t got all night

So much pain may come our way
There may come a day when we have nothing left to say

When the conversation stops and we’re facing our defeat
I’ll be next to you and you’ll be right there next to me
Then I’ll say

Girl,if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to (I want you to)
I swear it’s true (swear it’s true)
Without you my heart is blue,oh
Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to (I want you to)
I want you to (I want you to)
So make the move (make the move)
Cause I ain’t got all night

It makes me think of Scott and I. It feels good.

g’night

Derringer Meryl [sweet] Out

I was just upstairs soaking my foot, and I was thinking about how I would occasionally whine about being alone. Now… I admit, being alone (emotionally in a romantic way) sucks.

But luckily for me, God’s seen fit to provide me with the most perfect man for me. He’s even dealing well with the fact that i get all grouchy and annoyed when i’m stressed out. I expressed to him tonight my genuine fear of him waking up one morning, rolling over, and seeing me, and thinking “What the heck have I gotten myself into?” Scott says he’ll never think that.

I believe him.

I used to have this nagging feeling at my stomach every night as I’d go to sleep. Alone. I hated it. I hate sleeping by myself. Just the act of sleeping alone in my twin size bed– makes me sad. Excuse me, made me sad. Now, Saturday night, I fell asleep watching Van Helsing with Scott. I never slept better. There’s something about sleeping in close confines with someone who cares about you, that makes sleeping easier for me. I don’t know if it’s a science. I don’t really understand it– but I know it’s an absolutely GREAT feeling. Being in love.

I was talking with the Mouth on Saturday. Erm, I was complaining to the mouth on Saturday about how stressed I am. Was/am, whatever. I’ve been a lot more snappy lately. Just, rude. I’ve had a very thin tolerance level too. I don’t mean to be angry and upset… but it feels like a whole lot of nothing is being accomplished sometimes. :S I just sorta freak out. Not a good reason why, i know. It’s not nice to snap and be rude to your loved ones. 🙁 and I do love my family SO much. It’s brain boggling how i can love the people who seem to drive me the most insane so very much. heh.

At this point, i’d like to take a side note, and give a brief shout out to my mom. It’s hard planning a wedding. Especially a wedding like mine. I’m picky, I demand a lot, and it’s tough because we’re trying to cut back on expenses, so we’re doing a lot ourselves. Mom has been so great. Fantastic. She’s SUPER MOM! She’s doing the Bridesmaids (and Maid of Honor) dresses. She’s done/working on two quilts. She’s trying to figure out how we’re doing our flowers (which Scott’s sister is going to help with) She’s driving me to and fro, working on her own life (regular day to day mom stuffage!) and i know she feels like her head is going to explode. There is a lot to do. She’s getting stressed. *points at the computer screen* if you’re one of my siblings, or my fiance, you should express thanks to her. My sibs because I don’t think we will ever fully comprehend how much mom really does for us (I can only hope to be like, 1/4th of the great mom she is) and my Fiancee, simply because my mom has taught me so much, and has made me the fantastic person I am now. Mom holds our family together like glue. She keeps the peace, and smiles through a lot of tough times. My Mom is the best mom ever!!!!

It’s gonna be hard moving out of the house. I’ve never know anything but a life with my parents and sibs. (Sibs have left, but they all seem to eventually return now and then) it’s scary. Becoming part of a new family (which oddly seems like a younger version of my own) and living away from what I know. it’s so …. very odd.

Blah, i’m tired. The nausea has diminished, though a poke in the stomach would be greeted with a slap in the face still.

Derringer Meryl [my tummy!] Out

Alright you lucky bridesmaids (and Maid of Honor) to be, this is the thing. … I’m an impatient person. It’s pretty insane trying to get Four schedules to fit into a place where we can all go and look at pretty fabrics. So I was out shopping today and found a pretty fabric…. and so– I bought ten yards of it. (that’s thirty feet, and 360 inches, just to break it down for you.) It’s a lot of fabric, pretty heavy, rivaling the weight of an xbox.

Basically, this is the fabric for the skirt. Now…. Before you moan and wail, please consider that I have a bolt (yes an entire bolt) of ugly teal fabric in the back room, no less than ten feet from where I am right now. This is not pretty teal. This is teal that nightmares are made of. I threaten you with that into liking this fabric. The tops will be made red. I hope you like red. You will be wearing red for two nights (One reception the night of, and an open house a week or so later.) I don’t want to go all bridezilla and force you guys into liking it. It has an oriental flare…. Ish– and I’m really not trying to punish you guys– simply allow you to experience my style for a night or two… hee hee.

Now that’s out of the way…. I’d still like to have Scott’s sister’s come and hang out on Friday– maybe we’ll work on the skirts, maybe we’ll leer at Orlando Bloom in Elf attire… Maybe we’ll just sit around and giggle like freaks. I don’t really care. The bridesmaid dresses are really just a ploy so I can get to know you better. 🙂

I remember when my oldest brother got married. I had never had a sister before, and I was really excited. She didn’t take a particular shine to me (we don’t have a lot in common. She doesn’t hate me, we just … don’t really talk much) she was much too busy mooning over my brother. Ick. that annoys me. Now– I admit, i’m moony over Scott, but I don’t think it has to get in the way of how cool I think I am. 😀 (If that made sense to you, i’m happy.) *nods* So, basically, I want to be the great sister-in-law that I have (because the sister in laws I do have *ARE* great!) But i’m going to be alittle different, I can hang out with people Sans Scott. I have confidence in this. Especially since Saturday– where I hung out with Scott’s friends for an hour and a half (I’m guessing here…) and wasn’t feeling awkward the entire time. Some people feel like “I’m only so-in-so’s fiance, no one cares what i think” but I don’t get that vibe from Scott’s friends. I think they’re very eager to meet someone new, genuinely nice and warm friendly people. *nods* I haven’t felt this welcome since I was … like … um… Five I think. Maybe nine or so. *nods* It’s been a while in anycase.

I was driving home from the store, I just remembered this so i thought i’d add it, and I was thinking about how boys can buy girls flowers and presents and things randomly– and it’s cute. I feel like girls couldnt’ do that so much. I mean, sure I’ve done it before– I’ve bought things for a guy i’ve been dating– even made things– but… it always felt awkward and weird. I don’t know. I think it’s stupid. Honestly, what would you buy a guy to say “Hey, i was just thinking of you, and I really love you.” I mean, flowers… I don’t know a lot of guys who know their way around flowers enough to be touched (remembers she needs to call the florist) and well, the option of sending something like candies with Scott is just right out. (Hello, I love you, how about a box of death?) I don’t know. It’s odd. I usually settle for randomly IMing him at work *cough cough* just to say I love him. (No, you may not gag on the sap factor here.) I just don’t think it’s fair– *pouts* and he has bigger hands so I can never win the tickle war.

Derringer Meryl [Derranged Today] Out

Sometimes normal people say the most brilliant things. Sometimes normal people take characters and make THEM say the most brilliant things.

Sometimes the most brilliant people, are normal.

The monk shook his head, unable to look at her. “I told you to forget about it, Kagome-sama,” he said quietly. “And so it is not open for discussion.”

She felt her heart constrict in her chest. “No,” she told him. “I can’t. You can’t just tell me to stop.”

and isn’t that what i’ve been trying to say since June?

You just can’t tell me to stop.

Hardly anything works that way.

Derringer Meryl [Short Sweet, Thoughtful] Out

I thought i’d get off my lazy butt and begin my new week of Blogging, sooner better than later, right?

Whatever. I’m trying to be better. I started making my Christmas cards today. 🙂 I think they’re going to turn out fairly well… *shrugs* I really hope they do.

On Wednesday I can start to register for next semester of College. *sighs* I don’t wanna, but i gotsta. Unless someone out there who is reading my blog has a job with great benefits and wages to boot. I guess i can get those after I finish school, right? All I know is that I would be a lot closer to school if i lived more Southernly than I do. *shrugs* I know people there willing to let me shack up with them, but then, it’s really far to work…. *sighs* Unless I got transferred, and God Knows I wouldn’t mind that. 🙂 But I keep figuring that moving stores wouldn’t be the best idea, because i’ll just keep finding new reasons not to date Gert. I’m a chicken. I’m a scaredy cat. … i’m everything like that. 🙂 I know it, i admit to it, and admitting the problem is the first step, right?

Not really, but we can pretend.

I’m one of those people who you have to coax out of their shell. It’s annoying to some people, but honestly, once i know someone, i’m fairly open about how i feel about things. I have to wonder sometimes why I don’t. Why i’m so shy. But I was thinking about it… I was a very hypersensitive kid. I never wore a pair of jeans until i was fourteen, i kid you not. I didn’t like the way they felt against my skin. I didn’t like to be touched, unless i was the one who was starting the touching… like i LOVED to hug, but only when i was the one who started the hug. … i think that explains it a little better…. I didn’t like revealing clothes for a long time, I think my parents were relieved by that…. now days I can’t get enough of showing skin. I don’t dress like a slut, but i have to admit, I show more skin than a lot of LDS girls. *shrugs* It’s not a habit, my temperature fluctuates like crazy, so you’ll see me with a tank top and a sweater on over it…. That’s what i’m wearing currently… heh.

I was a social butterfly, yet i had no friends. I talked to people, ya know? I was friendly and kind, I still am, but I couldn’t say that someone knew all of my deepest secrets. Now days, only three people do, maybe four or five, depending on the deepness and the darkness of the secret. *laughs* People were constantly telling me things, confiding in me, and letting me carry their burdens. Shameful things, things that I had never heard of before. They still do it. I know how it is. You did something, and you have to tell someone, anyone to ease the pressure you feel, and so you tell a friend, and then THEY have the burden. Heh. Isn’t it nice. That’s why a spouse who has been unfaithful tells their significant other, to ease the pain…

Their own private torture. Heh. I deal with my pain, with my penance. It’s something everyone has to do. Deal with the problems in yourlife. I guess my journal is one of the ways i find relief. I’m not PUSHING my burden onto someone, i’m just sorta… sending it out into thin air. *laughs* Or cyber space, what ever. Someone can read it, or it can just sit there and rot, no one knows either way…. *sighs* but then it’s not on my shoulders. Right?

I’ve decided that romance stories (Movies or Fictional Novels) are degrading the social standard. No one canbe like that. Pretty and slim, and sexy, or romantic and dashing. Everyone has those days where you wake up and you jsut don’t feel like getting all pretty, and you feel fat and ugly and no amount of cute clothes or make up can make you feel any different. It’s just the way you feel. *nods* and i have yet to meet a guy who was dashing and romantic who wasn’t already been yearned after by fifty other girls.

Heh. I think I’d like to add something to my list for Christmas, you can say that it’s for my birthday, ok? I’d like One Meaningful Relationship no hassle, no ruckus, nothin’ …. Just something simple and nice.

Derringer Meryl [Staring at the Sun] Out