I feel like this is warranted…

So I just goo-ed on my private forums with my friends that I really … REALLY hate hiking. that really … could be bolded, and underlined. But I’m lazy. See? LAZY.

Anyway. Let’s review the history of Meryl and hiking. I went hiking once with Girl Scouts. I was a girl Scout. I sold cookies. I had a sash. It was adorable. HOWEVER, the hiking. not so much my friend. They said “ooh let’s go hiking” and I thought “ooh fun.” Because I was like 7 or maybe 8 at the time and I was down with the in crowd and enjoyed the thought of doing stuff outside. Why not?? Well, it had just finished raining, and it wasn’t really muddy, but it was slick. We decided to go down a rocky place, thinking “Oh this wouldn’t be so bad” And yes, we had leaders with us, who was thinking “Oh Meryl never gets hurt, let’s do this, what a fabulous idea” PISS! They were morons. Anyway. I have a bit of problems with heights. I always have. Also steep things. Not a fan. Steep equals falling to me. Scott can testify that I have argued with him about walking down STEEP hills. A Hill. As in grassy knoll outside of a local mall. Outright argument and fight about it. This is why…..

Anyway. we’re traversing, and we don’t even get that far from the cabin until I inevitably slip and fall and Cut my butt on the stupid sharp rocks. YES. Maybe this is a keen time to add that NO ONE I was with I was really close with. I had friends from School, but other wise… just me. So I had to have one of the leaders bandage my swiftly bleeding butt. Yep. Loved it.

OH and let’s not forget the time that I went hiking with our ward Youth conference. It was a pioneer Trek. And if you’ve never been forced to go, be happy. I wasn’t Unhappy about going, I was unhappy about the hiking. I am not a fast walker. I enjoy going at my pace, slow and steady. However, the people in my “family” wanted to race with the other hand carts, and they left me behind. (Thanks a lot jerks) Oh and they took my water too. In the middle of summer, in wyoming. Where there weren’t any trees or pleasant breezes. NADA. Just… really really warm. I’ve never been excellent at drinking water, i don’t like drinking it. I don’t know why. Maybe I hate myself a little. Anyway. One of our support trucks picked me up. Which was nice. I got in and the gentleman offered me water. being the staunch polite girl i was, I said no. I finally caught up with my “family” and we got to camp. No one but me (out of the kids) knew how to pump water. So I stood and did that for a good 40 minutes. Then, Sitting around, my brother and a close friend of mine noticed I was feeling ill and dragged me into the shade. Yep. I had good case of heat Stroke. Whoo whoo! I sat around for the evening vomiting what water i took in and being carted to the outhouse by the young men in my ward. EMBARRASSING!

The long and short of it is, I don’t like people saying “You have to do this, really, you should do this! It’ll be so amazing, you should hike!” blah blah blah. I’m fat. I’ve been fat for a long time. I don’t see that just magically changing (and shut your mouth with the “Maybe it would if you hiked!!”) so the idea of “Let’s walk 5 miles up and back to see something that you could probably download from your computer at home” I’m just not down with that. I like strolling. I prefer to do that alone. Hiking alone is a recipe for lost hiker. Basically it’s a moronic thing to do. I get sick in the sun now. Like at the drop of a hat. I prefer to stay inside. Any walking to be done, will be done on a tredmill. Thanks though.

Derringer Meryl [pow pow] Out

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