Undone

Something is going nuts with Scott’s Server. So I wait for that to get fixed (haha never) and then we will be able to cahnge the background. I think it’ll be epic, but… Maybe I’m just over excited.

Work has been nuts lately. I did over 300 chats last week. CHATS. That’s a lot of typing. I feel like I should start researching how to prevent Carpel tunnel. Considering I did not work all 40 of my hours last week, it is amazing how much work I’ve done. It was CRAZY. Over 10 chats an hour. That is a lot of chatting if I do say so myself. And I do!

That being said, I do really enjoy my job. It’s a nice place. You know that the Supervisors have your back and know thatyou’re working hard, they say thank you, a lot. Which is refreshing, and nice. I don’t feel like I’m being stalked that I’m not doing enough. I feel like they are satisfied with my work, and so am I. Also, it’s nice to be working in a field where I feel comfortable. After being on the net for … nearly 20 years now (next year will be my 20th. WEIRD) I know a lot about email. I know a lot about servers and building websites. That being said, I am no expert. I tend to take an… interesting way to functioning with the internet. I just keep trying. Again and Again. To fix, improve and manage my website(s) I am self taught on HTML and for a long time hand coded. After that I found other people’s code (via free websites) and modified them and broke and repaired them. I am not… book smart when it comes to the internet. I can’t brag about capabilities. I’m much closer to being an idiot savant. I know where to go and what to look for to make things work. I can’t explain it to you, or help you fix your website, without going in and mucking it up a BUNCH for you. Which is why I’m not in Support!! In any case. I love the internet. I love being on it. I love meeting new people. For a period of my life, I enjoyed going into chat rooms and being dramatic. No one cares when you lie in a chat room. It was a beautiful thing for a teenage girl. I was Stunning. Because, when it comes to the written word, I have found, I am charming. I am alluring. In person I am awkward and unsure. Online, I am cunning and beautiful. I am a picture and my words….

*wipes a tear* I love you internet. I love you soooo good.

Derringer Meryl [I’m in Love, I’m in Love, I’m in love…] Out

WHOA. Seriously. Whoa.

In the past three weeks Scott has had THREE jobs. I kid you not. First he had his Job where I work, then his new job, and then his NEW NEW job. the middle job there hired him with good intentions, but found that they had lost clients the same week he had been hired and that put him on the chopping block. It was NOT  a great way to start February, but over all, if any month in the year has to suck, let it be february because it’s so short.

I got to go and be there when Sukie found out that she was having a girl. I am SO excited for them, and SUPER excited to help throw her baby shower. I have never done one. Ever. Unless you count me helping my mom on baby showers before, but I don’t really since I mostly just sat there and agreed with my mom’s plans. I’m only help plan/and host, so I’m glad I don’t have ALL the responsibility, but I’m very excited for the shower. Did I say I want to make a cake and decorate it? I don’t have the clearance or go ahead… but of course I had to check it out… I was thinking, this?

too much?

I’m just kidding, in case you couldn’t tell. 😉 though I would have LOVED to have a cake like that with Audrey. It’s hilarious.

I’ve been thinking about Audrey’s Birthday a lot lately (I know I”m weird and obsessive) and I am hoping to make a marshmellow fondant ballerina cake. TECHNICAL. i am so … worried about it. I need to figure this stuff out. Maybe I should try not to over do it. I really enjoyed Katie’s last birthday because it was so simple. Balloons, clean house, family and close friends. It was great.  But … I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it before… I love cake decorating. I do. I wish I could do something super impressive, but I find myself not dreaming about it too much mostly because I have stupid hands. (If you don’t get the reference, I highly recommend watching Futurama’s episode “The Devil’s Hands are Idle Playthings” and you might get it.) I love cakes (so much so that I’ve had two pieces this week… for no reason other than I needed it to not feel depressed, Yeah I”m horrible) and I love the pretty decor. I would LOVE to try something.

I should probably get into classes, even if it is just to learn. I don’t need to be a professional… I just want to do something fun.

Derringer Meryl [cakes on the brain] Out

Even though my job can be hard and wearing sometimes (like today)… I am grateful for my job. I have worked worse places (I HAVE.) and I have worked for less. (in fact a lot less) I love it here a lot of the time.

The job wouldn’t be so damn bad if it weren’t for the freakin’ customers.

Derringer Meryl [job] Out

I finally got myself some sugar last night. I was so thrilled. I am a complete sugar addict, so the fact that i’m married to a diabetic can be a little tricky.

I had two slices of chocolate cake. and MAN was it good. I sorta got sick toward the end because the milk tasted kinda gross. Anyway. I’m happy. I decided that as a treat for Scott and I’s anniversary I’m getting a Granny B’s Cookie, the sugar cookie with pink frosting. I lived off of those in high school, every day for lunch– so you can see my sugar withdrawl woes, right?

I finished a lot of stuff up with Convergys today. I got finger printed, and did my five year back ground check. It wasn’t hard or anything, mostly just time consuming. I think I’m going to have to take and move my file cabinet from my parents house to here. I don’t really know why I haven’t yet, but since i’ll be moving soon (read: in a month) everything I’ve done now will have to be re-done. 🙂 Oh well. I don’t care. Being a grown-up is hard. THat’s what I’ve decided. i can remember wanting to be grown up when I was little, so I could do things without asking If i could or not, but honestly, I still have to ask.

I dont’ have to check with someone if I want to leave the house or anything, that’s fine…. but– yeah, I still have to worry about not spending too much. I would like to get some new clothes, so my pay checks are going to go a little toward that since I’m not fitting into as many of my clothes as before…. :S

Call me skinny all you want, but clothes don’t lie. Some part of me is getting bigger. *shrugs*

Derringer Meryl [burnt roof of mouth] Out

Soooo Good news, and not so happy news. It’s not bad, or anything… just not so happy. Scott and I went apartment hunting today (Whee) and called on a few apartments, and the like. Everything seems outrageously over priced. I saw a four-plex that looked like it was straight out of the simpsons (With Lerlean and Cleatus and what not) that was totally icky and white trash, that costed $550 a month, plus deposit. Stupid realators. Grr.

Then Scott and I saw a happy place. Perfect. Lots of parking for happy things like Quake fests and just general friend and family visitation. It was so nice. They even allowed pets (according to the Landlady) and it’s just down the street from my work (new work, Convergys) and Scott loves it. I love it. It’s like a tiny cottage.

IT’s awful to fall in love with a place you know you can’t afford, at all. *sighs* Well, we can afford it, probably by the end of September. But that’s… what, two months? Even if Scott and I stopped spending, right now, until I got my job, there is no way we can afford it. I was telling him how I was willing to sell an arm and leg for it, not my own of course, but still….

I guess it’s just me being a brat… I miss living in a place that could be construed as … I dont’ know… livable? Maybe we shouldn’t have gone inside to look at the house (it’s so cute and tiny… like a baby) It’s got a gourgeous yard… With Honeysuckle growing outside. I’ve already sold my soul to the dark side of the corprate world (Convergys) What else do I need to do to get the heck out of here. I guess Scott and I are just going to have to wait, and rely on the kindness of Strangers (er, friends and family?) to get me home from Training once it starts (From two till ten, the bus stops running at ten… hee)

I wish some magic money fairy would come and whack us. 🙂 With money that is.

Last night Scott had to stay at work extra late (till three) and I fell asleep on the couch, and woke up with a nightmare. I don’t remember it, but I remember that I was really scared that Scott hadnt’ gotten home yet. :-S

I feel really lost and just generally upset, but wanting to move forward with life anyway. So Upset, but optimistic? I dunno. I have faith that God will provide for Scott and I, even if it isn’t a nice little cottage less than twenty minutes walking from work (For both of us) Because God loves Scott and I, and This basement has been so hard on both of us. Like our own permenant hell on earth. Cause if this is what hell is like, I’m pretty sure it is, I want to be as righteous as possible.

Really.

Derringer Meryl [Hell Is…] Out