Undone

Soooo Good news, and not so happy news. It’s not bad, or anything… just not so happy. Scott and I went apartment hunting today (Whee) and called on a few apartments, and the like. Everything seems outrageously over priced. I saw a four-plex that looked like it was straight out of the simpsons (With Lerlean and Cleatus and what not) that was totally icky and white trash, that costed $550 a month, plus deposit. Stupid realators. Grr.

Then Scott and I saw a happy place. Perfect. Lots of parking for happy things like Quake fests and just general friend and family visitation. It was so nice. They even allowed pets (according to the Landlady) and it’s just down the street from my work (new work, Convergys) and Scott loves it. I love it. It’s like a tiny cottage.

IT’s awful to fall in love with a place you know you can’t afford, at all. *sighs* Well, we can afford it, probably by the end of September. But that’s… what, two months? Even if Scott and I stopped spending, right now, until I got my job, there is no way we can afford it. I was telling him how I was willing to sell an arm and leg for it, not my own of course, but still….

I guess it’s just me being a brat… I miss living in a place that could be construed as … I dont’ know… livable? Maybe we shouldn’t have gone inside to look at the house (it’s so cute and tiny… like a baby) It’s got a gourgeous yard… With Honeysuckle growing outside. I’ve already sold my soul to the dark side of the corprate world (Convergys) What else do I need to do to get the heck out of here. I guess Scott and I are just going to have to wait, and rely on the kindness of Strangers (er, friends and family?) to get me home from Training once it starts (From two till ten, the bus stops running at ten… hee)

I wish some magic money fairy would come and whack us. 🙂 With money that is.

Last night Scott had to stay at work extra late (till three) and I fell asleep on the couch, and woke up with a nightmare. I don’t remember it, but I remember that I was really scared that Scott hadnt’ gotten home yet. :-S

I feel really lost and just generally upset, but wanting to move forward with life anyway. So Upset, but optimistic? I dunno. I have faith that God will provide for Scott and I, even if it isn’t a nice little cottage less than twenty minutes walking from work (For both of us) Because God loves Scott and I, and This basement has been so hard on both of us. Like our own permenant hell on earth. Cause if this is what hell is like, I’m pretty sure it is, I want to be as righteous as possible.

Really.

Derringer Meryl [Hell Is…] Out