Undone

I love reflecting back. I love to see how far I’ve come. I know i’ve already done one of these… but– Red mentioned that we’re different people now than we were a year ago, and i’d like to give her a hardy yes.

Not necessarily on her part, but on mine.

Going away to college makes people grow up and change. You deal with bills and just… a million things. Roommates, and drama. In Red’s case, she’s been to states I’ve never been too. Dealt with a lot more than I have. It’s just that. It’s not that one of us is more mature or experienced than the other, just different types.

(In Response to her though, I knew she was considering Catholicism (sp?) and that she was reading the Bible. I keep tabs, hun.)

As for me– My Red hang out days were possibly my wildest. I mean I wasn’t flashing oncoming cars or whatever… but I was wild, for me anyway. I was zany. I was very much alive. I did some things I regret, but those were of no consequence of Red. *winks* Simply the great manipulator.

I wanted to do something bad. Something wrong. So I did things I’d never done before. They weren’t sinful. They weren’t dirty. But I don’t care to divulge them either.

I was uninhibited. and I loved it. Every moment. Feeling like oxygen was burning my lungs.

Not all of my wild stuff could be linked to Red though. My first ever (and last i’m positive) run in with Pot. (Other kids were smoking some while I was trying to write in my journal as we sluffed class. I swear to God.) I sluffed a ton of classes. I mean a ton.

I had whole days where I attended one class. Seminary. Ironic, isnt’ it?

The teachers didn’t care…. I spent time trying to figure out the male mind by reading Maxim with Red on Monkey’s Couch.

I still dont’ understand those men. My man, isn’t like them. I only know a few of those Men. Very few.

If someone had told me a year ago, as I was graduating that I would be married in the Salt Lake Temple To a wonderful man who loves me beyond all belief…

I would have laughed until my face hurt.

For the millionth time, I’m sure you’re tired of it, but i love Scott. There are no words to describe it. None in my vocabulary anyway. All of them seem so tired and over used. None of them are bright or brilliant enough to describe exactly what I have.

Derringer Meryl [Lucky Me] Out

The Men’s List: Responded to in Defense of Women

We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Yeah. I could say the same about you. I bet you’ve never fallen into a disgusting urine encrusted toilet at three in the morning. That’s what I thought.

2. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Have you ever considered that there is a world outside of your disgusting little den? Sports on Sunday are not the only thing that’s great. There are flowers and spring and happy things. I’m willing to let you watch Sports everyday, if you just spent a day with me once in a while.

3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Good. Neither is fly fishing, or walking from the bathroom to the couch when you watch your precious sports.

4. Crying is blackmail.

That’s right, it’s a defense. You’re being a jerk, I start to cry, that’s about it.

5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Why? Watching you squirm half the fun.

6. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Not if you want Sex…. Ever.

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

I’ll remember that when you’re sick…. Except, you don’t have anyone to care for you, since you seem so concerned about not caring about me.

8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Yeah, and the problem is us, not talking. Open your mouth to communicate once in a while, and maybe it’d finally clear up.

9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

10. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Yeah, but It’s so much easier for me to do my job, than for you to do your job. THP.

11. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

12. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Sometimes it’s nice to do things for others. If you think hard enough, you’ll remember your mother telling you that.

13. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Whenever possible, turn off the damn TV.

14. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

But he was headed to India. And honestly, America wasn’t named after him, was it? Not to mention he wasn’t the first discoverer of America.

15. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Open your eyes and see once and a while, you might enjoy life a little more

16. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

Please…. If you have to do it, do it discreetly.

17. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

We say “nothing” because when you ask, you don’t really care what the answer is. By pestering you show how much you love us.

18. If you ask a question you don’t want us to answer, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

It’s called a Rhetorical question. Look it up.

19. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.

No. it’s not. We like to look nice for you, you freaking moron.

20. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the shotgun formation, or how to work on the truck.

Try thinking about something new once and a while.

21. You have enough clothes.

Maybe I buy new things so you would FINALLY compliment me.

22. You have too many shoes.

No, you have too few.

23. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Ooookay. Mr. Technical. The house is clean too. That laundry… clean.

24. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that. It’s like camping.

Really? Then you won’t mind sleeping outside altogether. 😛

(I did this For Antigone. Some of them aren’t great. But oh well. I gotta go, my fantastic Husband and I are going to his friend’s house.)

Derringer Meryl [Still insanely happy] Out

I have this wonderful idea for house cleaning. I’d be freaking fantastic. I know it’s not an original idea, but MAN, would it be great.

I know it’s not original cause I just saw it on an Anime today… but it’d be freaking fantastic if I could just find someone to produce it. I wish I had it right now. *sighs*

I’d tell you, but the internet is an open thing, and then someone else’d have access to it, and blah blah blah.

I think I”m going to email 3M about it though. They’ll love the idea. I’m positive.

Derringer Meryl [Oh I wish I was a millionare] Out

Scott says it’s fine if I leave early from His Best Friend’s wedding reception…

I have a confession. (Scott doesn’t read on here much anymore, so i should be safe from having to talk about this again…) I have a problem. It’s a generic problem that a lot of girls have (no it’s not a eating disorder, i’m not pulling a Mary Kate) it’s more of a continuing dissatisfaction within myself, of myself. (however i could correctly say that on the whole, I usually dispise what i do, and how i look, and i’m constantly comparing myself to others.) I look to others on how to behave in most situations…. which i think can be a useful attribute. In a restaurant and you aren’s sure how to properly eat a dish, you just look around, and see how everyone else is eating. It makes sense to me.

I have to agree with The Specialist. I too have a fear of people looking at me. I wonder what they’re thinking. How they’re judging me. Usually I’m pretty good about not caring what other people think about what i’m doing (in a judgemental manner) like when i’m shopping. i could pick up the whackiest stuff and put it in my basket… and not care what the lady who is ringing me up is thinking. *sighs*

That just reminded me that I should look through the want ads for a job. *sighs* I love GS. I just want to make enough money to live in a nice apartment. I want to not stress from month to month and paycheck to paycheck. I’m fairly sure that’s just how life is, but… I don’t want it to be. I’m fairly picky. I was at the store the other day, and I realized that everyone at Macey’s has to wear Khakis, and i just thought, Ick. I hate Khakis. i pretty much hate uniforms (remembers she wants to Apply at Blockbuster, dispite uniforms, they have good benifits)

Scott and I got a new old couch yesterday. From the DI. So It’s not like we went and blew more money we didnt’ have. It’s a great couch. plenty of cuddle space. It’s much more cooshie than Scott’s old couch. I should do chores…. *sighs* So much to do. And I have work at Five, so that’s extra fun. Scott and I miss seeing each other by an hour or two. *sighs* I need the hours though, and so does he. And I admit, we see each other much more often than when we were dating. It felt like that week off from work he had after the wedding went so fast….

Anyway, work and chores beckon.

Derringer Meryl [Will DM ever update again?] Out

Chatting with Mandarin tonight i came to the stark realization of “I’m going to have to sit through an entire reception, that isn’t ours…”

You see, Scott’s best friend (whom i have no little name for) is getting married in less than a month. Scott is his best man. (wahoo!) Scott’s friend is great to him, and they’ve known each other forever and a day… so that all is grand.

But for those of you who know me, know that i do not handle large groups of people with any kind of ease. My therapist thought it would be theraputic to have me work in retail to help with the fear and panic i feel when surrounded by people… i guess it has a lot. I mean I’m not so defensive anymore. Like it used to take me five minutes and I was in defense mode (sometimes shorter amounts of time) I feel like scum though. Like I should just deal with all of that and stay with Scott. I dont’ know if His friend (and his wife to be) are having a real line or not, but if they are, its’ just tough. I mean, It’s like being in the same place as someone, but not being iwth them. What use is that? It’s like ditching your date at the Prom (I did that BTW)

And yes I felt awful about that too.

Sure, i know people won’t be mobbing me or anything at their reception (uh Duh) because it’s not my day. It’s just the hustle and bustle that i get caught up in, and it stresses me out, freaks me out, and i just get tired and I sorta lose control of myself. Not a good combination.

Like once I was at a party, it didn’t even have … like fifteen people, tops… and I was telling them to please be quiet. They didn’t listen. I told them that the next person to (I think it was) pop a balloon, i’d slap them. I guess that was kind of a warning. But I did it. I ended up slapping a really good friend of mine who (at the time) was about to go get surgery on her jaw.

I get testy. I don’t mean to. Really. *grumbles* I’ll talk to Scott about this all, I’m sure we can come to a resolution that doesn’t make me feel like the scum of the earth.

Derringer Meryl [Missing Scott] Out