Undone

yesterday I signed up for being able to view my labs and stuff online! It’s super cool, quite frankly I love it. It’ll show me labs for pretty much back to 2000… which once again, is flippin’ cool.

I like reading that stuff. I learned things that my doctors never deigned to tell me. LIke that I had a hematoma with my daughter Audrey … it’s apparently REALLY normal (according to the internet) but no one ever chose to tell me. She was also breech at her 20 week appt. Maybe I’ll never have a head down baby. little jerks!

I also found the lab reports for my unborn baby from 2005. It was heart breaking. This blog, while public, is probably the only place I’ll mention it. Though my husband did just abscond with the computer a moment ago, so I suppose he read it…

I realized as well last night the time between my last daughter’s birth and now (and every day still) is the longest time I’ve been NOT pregnant in our entire marriage. Which is weird to think about.

Yes I am thinking about babies a lot lately.

Yes I understand I sound quite strange.

Yes I should probably not think about it so much since we’re still waiting.

No. I am not going to explain to you why this is important to me. It’s special and I don’t want to talk about it with people who are just going to roll their eyes at how I feel. It’s kind of an on going policy.

Also i don’t consider myself to be like, a baby churning out machine. Clearly I am able to exercise restraint in having children, as I don’t have 25, and If I did have 25 kids (not sure if possible at my age) who the hugs business is it but mine and my husband’s how many kids we decide to have (3, thank you very much). I realize i’m getting defensive at a conversation I’m having essentially with myself, but welcome to my life.

Anyway. I love being pregnant, even though it’s hard. It *IS* hard. But I love it. I love tiny babies, I love watching my kids grow, and helping them be great people. I am just looking forward to doing it again.

Derringer Meryl [BAAAAAAAAAAAAABIES] Out

What’s the matter with Kids these days??

Not really. I have been with my kids this weekend (and other people’s too LOL) and I love my girls. They are a light in my life. While they on occasion drive me absolutely nuts (see this evening) they are sweet, and cute, and a blessing. There is a saying I learned on my message board, which i think is absolutely true….

“Our first child helps us to discover the depth of love; our second child, the breadth of it.”

I love my girls, I cherish them. I am grateful that they were sent to me and Scott to bring joy to our lives and allow us to progress as children of God.

Derringer Meryl [what’s the matter with] Out

Quick!!

Don’t read anything into this. I was just bored (as usual) the other day, and was surfing the net, looking for odd Hello Kitty Items (you hear a lot about them, but i’m starting to think they’re just urban legends) ya know like Hello Kitty Douches and the like.

Anyway. I was searching for Hello Kitty things, and I found this and honestly, I began to think (Not about having kids now, just in the when it happens)

My kids will be tortured.

I’m sure I’ll have a little boy first. I just have this feeling about it. I have a feeling we’ll (Scott and I) be cursed like my mom was, and have mostly boys. (Can hear the cries of anger) Not that she doesn’t love you, and not that I won’t love my prospective children, but Scott and I both really want girls. (Huzzah!!) Because over all little girls tend to be more obedient than little Boys….. and we like that idea. Anyway. I’ll torture the boys by submitting them to my hello kitty love. I’m serious. I’m freaking ninteen years old and married, and the quickest way to make me happy is say “I got you something Hello Kitty!” Because honestly, It makes people smile. Anyway. I found Hello Kitty sheets too, for a crib.

Yes, they will be tormented….. bwahahaha!

Oooh, and Scott and i could have Hello Kitty Sheets too! Niiiiice.

Just kidding. heh.

I have a theory. I think it’s pretty true…. Women who don’t work, have kids because they’re bored, and need something to do. (Taking care of a kid is a full time job!!!) Whereas working women have something to do (a job outside of the home) and aren’t as bored, and thus don’t feel the need for children as much.

Maybe this is a good time to mention I’m looking for a second job!!! I want to keep the one i have at Gamestop, the guys here are great, and I love working there. I have this phobia (I don’t know how The Specialist and Wudan overcame it) of working a real job. Ya know, nine to fivers that are tough and require you to be smart and stuff. I can seriously BS my way through the day at my work– because it’s only a few hours. You all know i think The Specialist is the (second now) most brilliant person in the world. (Scott being the first) I don’t know how they get real jobs (I have no skills. I have them, but they are not so polished… I just don’t feel like i’m worth more than the other people who may be applying.)

I don’t know how to explain it. I want another high school job, so Scott and I can afford things (Like an apartment, and food. We can have one, just not both at this point.) I need a job. I need to grow up… and i feel like a dork for wanting two jobs that are unimpressive, instead of one good one.

Derringer Meryl [Geekazoid] Out

After working another LOOOOONG shift today, my feet don’t hurt so bad, but that may just be because i’ve lost all feeling IN them. *shrugs*

So we had a kid, probably ten or so come in and ask every friggin’ question under the sun “Do I have enough money for this? How about this? Or this!” and my boss, well he hadn’t gotten much sleep thanks to the AquaBats Concert he went to last night….so he wasn’t really ready to deal with Scrappy Doo givin’ him crap. Probably a good thing I came in. I’m trained to let things roll off my back. It’s what I do. *shrugs* Anyway, the kid just would NOT leave, and so I was straightening the store (someone had totally HASHED the friggin’ GBA section) and I was reaching above my head (as I often have to, being as short as I am) and I was putting my arms down to the side and whacked the kid a good one. I didn’t mean to. I really didn’t! I didn’t mean to do it! I swear on all that’s good and holy in this world, that I didn’t mean it…

but i won’t deny it was sort of gratifying that the little monkey was in pain… but it wasn’t planned.

Anyway, it was slower than molasses in January, and there was NOTHING to do. Except talk to my Boss, and trust me, that’s something I do well. I mean, My mom doesn’t call me a mouth for no reason… (Points at Red) You no talkie– I mean mouth talkie… not … lip talkie. Err– Right. Anyway, we talked about all sorts of random things

stuff I can’t even remember now that i think of it. . . . Eh, wasn’t that important to the blog anyway. The poor dork got married, and for some insane reason (that is, she’s insane) it didn’t work out. We were casually talking about how we hate kids (in general, not all of them just most of them.) and how I wanted to be a stay at home mom, and the idea of going to college for anything seemed a little silly, because– I just want to be a mom, so I don’t have kids who are screwed up like the ones who come into our store.

BTW Red, I know you’re reading this. Remember how you said you didn’t think a guy and a girl who were both heterosexual and not related couldnt’ live in a house together and not sleep together? Gert Did it– twice. *nods* So ha. i still want to do it to prove to you that I can do it, but for now his proof is good enough for me.

Right, so Me, stay at home mom. So basically for my plan for the rest of my life, I’m missing…

Uhh– Right a husband.

Dang, I always forget that part *chuckles half heartedly*

PS:Gert Read one of my poems that i accidently left at work and he liked it… ^_^;; who knew?

Derringer Meryl [C&L work with B&J] Out