Undone

yesterday I signed up for being able to view my labs and stuff online! It’s super cool, quite frankly I love it. It’ll show me labs for pretty much back to 2000… which once again, is flippin’ cool.

I like reading that stuff. I learned things that my doctors never deigned to tell me. LIke that I had a hematoma with my daughter Audrey … it’s apparently REALLY normal (according to the internet) but no one ever chose to tell me. She was also breech at her 20 week appt. Maybe I’ll never have a head down baby. little jerks!

I also found the lab reports for my unborn baby from 2005. It was heart breaking. This blog, while public, is probably the only place I’ll mention it. Though my husband did just abscond with the computer a moment ago, so I suppose he read it…

I realized as well last night the time between my last daughter’s birth and now (and every day still) is the longest time I’ve been NOT pregnant in our entire marriage. Which is weird to think about.

Yes I am thinking about babies a lot lately.

Yes I understand I sound quite strange.

Yes I should probably not think about it so much since we’re still waiting.

No. I am not going to explain to you why this is important to me. It’s special and I don’t want to talk about it with people who are just going to roll their eyes at how I feel. It’s kind of an on going policy.

Also i don’t consider myself to be like, a baby churning out machine. Clearly I am able to exercise restraint in having children, as I don’t have 25, and If I did have 25 kids (not sure if possible at my age) who the hugs business is it but mine and my husband’s how many kids we decide to have (3, thank you very much). I realize i’m getting defensive at a conversation I’m having essentially with myself, but welcome to my life.

Anyway. I love being pregnant, even though it’s hard. It *IS* hard. But I love it. I love tiny babies, I love watching my kids grow, and helping them be great people. I am just looking forward to doing it again.

Derringer Meryl [BAAAAAAAAAAAAABIES] Out

Stay Classy, Indeed

*cough* if you are currently pregnant and talking about the unfortunate issues that arise for some women during pregnancy, I highly suggest avoiding the above link in addition to the rest of this blog. I love you, dear pregnant women.

…. Seriously. Are you still reading… ? Ok.

that being said, I think you can tell where this is going, and if you aren’t like me, and want to argue about abortion/miscarriages, I suggest you take it somewhere else. This is my blog, and it is also going to stay CLASSY. 😉

I feel that no woman should ever have to make the decision to have an abortion, or a D&C, or has to get excited from seeing a positive pregnancy test only to find herself bleeding a few days later. Or to excitedly go to her doctors appointment only to hear the devastating “I’m sorry there’s no heartbeat, Your baby has ceased.” How Horrible. However, why should women have fear of having a miscarriage? Often (as my doctor told me) it is a natural process that your body goes through when the baby is unable to support it’s self. 🙁 It’s horrible. So emotional. Can you Imagine going through that, and then having to be investigated and recall what you had done for the past few weeks to determine if you had done anything intentionally or accidentally reckless that may have caused your miscarriage? How heart breaking!

I am pro-choice. Mostly because while I don’t believe in abortion myself, I feel that God wants us to have choices available to us.  I think that this should be a choice people have available to them without killing themselves too. I can’t explain it. I do believe very deeply in adoption as well, I think it’s a beautiful thing for one person to do for another.

What Utah is doing is just plain wrong. 🙁

Derringer Meryl [Some Times I just want out] Out