Undone

Okay, so it’s like… a sin not to have a Lyric Spew by at least wednesday, and guess what day it is! So, I decided on this one, because it doesn’t swear, and it’s a very intense song.

With funny story. 🙂 I was listening to it, and feeling lazy, I simply asked Daxero who sang the song. He came to listen, and he didn’t know. My mom and her friend wanted to know what we were listening to, so i told them it was a song/music video (me and my darn AMVs) so they wanted to hear too. I told them they wouldn’t like it. They said “you never know… What does it sound like?” I deadpanned, knowing they wouldnt’ like it, and said “Slightly Linkin Parkish, i guess.” For the lack of anything else they might know. They shrugged and asked to listen again. I acquiesced… and unplugged my head set. A few moments later, they asked for me to turn it back off. 🙂 If it’s too loud, you’re too old!

Always, Saliva

I hear… a voice say “Don’t be so blind”…

it’s telling me all these things…

that you would probably hide…

am I… your one and only desire…

am I the reason you breath…

or am I the reason you cry…

Always… always… always… always… always… always… always…

I just can’t live without you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I breathe you…

I taste you…

I can’t live without you…

I just can’t take anymore…

this life of solitude…

I guess that i’m out the door…

and now i’m done with you…

I feel… like you don’t want me around…

I guess i’ll pack all my things…

I guess i’ll see you around…

Inside… it bottles up until now…

as I walk out your door…

all I hear is the sound…

Always… always… always… always… always… always… always…

I just can’t live without you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I breathe you…

I taste you…

I can’t live without you…

I just can’t take anymore…

this life of solitude…

I guess that i’m out the door…

and now i’m done with you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I left my head around your heart…

Why would you tear my world apart…

Always… always… always… always…

I see… the blood all over your hands…

does it make you feel… more like a man…

was it all… just a part of your plan…

this pistol’s shakin’ in my hands…

and all I hear is the sound…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I breathe you…

I taste you…

I can’t live without you…

I just can’t take anymore…

this life of solitude…

I guess that i’m out the door…

and now i’m done with you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I just can’t take anymore…

this life of solitude…

I pick myself off the floor…

and now i’m done with you…

Always…

Always…

Always…

Yeah, Linkin Park and Saliva dont’ really sound all that similar in anyway EXCEPT the fact it gets loud, and tends to scream. That’s about it. Actually, if i were to compare Saliva to anyone it would be more like Stabbing Westward. Tha’ts just my opinion though. I don’t actually KNOW anything about music.

This all of the sudden came to me, and so… may i introduce …..

Tips for Fanfic Reviewers

I’ve been getting some rather annoying reviews consisting of: “hey, Dat wus todally awsume. U shuld upDate moore.” or even “Dis wus 2 short. u shuld b beter than htat. a fic like dis 1 shuld b updated more.”

and honestly, I’d like to tell them to go take a long walk off a short pier. I couldn’t care less. Maybe i’m haughty in my opinion of myself, but my writing isn’t, “oh look it’s tuesday, I should update” type of thing. I’m not an ‘on schedule’ type person. When i get an idea i write…. and instead of stimulating my brain to work faster and harder to please them, they’re making my brain focus on their stupid grammer, and their rude demands. It’s not like they say please. They demand. “I WANT MORE NOW! and i don’t care if you have a life or problems. I just want more story! Dang it!” and while i may be indulging this a little, it’s simply because that’s how it feels when they ask for more without even being polite about it. For everyone on the net, take some netiquette classes. I’m sure it’ll help, cause there’s almost no way you could go down from where you are. *rolls her eyes*

However, I do adore the reviews which are nice and kind, and THEN ask me to update soon. Those motivate me. It makes me think “Well there’s a nice person out there just like me…. I suppose I’ll get to work on the next chapter” See, that’s how my mood is. Great isn’t it?

Derringer Meryl [Achy and Wheezy] out

well, see, I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a pickle… sorta…. uh– double booked myself, Isnt’ that spiffy?? I thought so… I said I could do a debate tourny (judging, which means I get paid a little!) and that I could work on saturday. *blinks*

Hopefully everything works out. *nods*

I think I need to do a lyric spew… and i’m not sure as to what. Most of the new songs I’ve downloaded, well, they’re good, and i like them, but… they just arent’… my thing. (coughs) Right.

have you ever noticed, that is if you watch anime like i do, that anime holds several re-occurring themes (no I don’t mean like mechs… or unrequited love) I mean, duplicity. Reincarnation (in the sense that there can be more than one of you at once… blah… it’s hard to explain) The body as a shell, being reproduced multiple times and the soul simply moving from shell to shell. Tarot Cards are big, yep, telling the future… Uh… lechers. And panty thiefs. One, like me, who doesn’t know that much about Japan might surmise that all the boys are timid pervs and all the girls outlandish (but cute) school girls.

i’m not saying that’s how it is, i’m just saying that’s what it may be perceived as such. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Thinking too much] Out

One week until my happy winter break freedom is ripped ever so cruelly from my hands.

Can you tell that i dont’ like school? I mean, i like SOME of it, and the classes i’m taking i really hope i’m going to like… i’m a little scared of one of them, my serious career class (on the third floor of the building i’m going to) mainly because i don’t know what to expect. It’s just… going to be interesting. I hope i don’t make some kind of fool of myself. I can see that seriously happening. But ya know… 🙂 Things happen.

I finally finished Silent Hill 3 which i have to say was possibly the most horrifying experience of my entire life. Most of the noises in it, are shocking, freakish, and don’t go away like you’d hope they would. The walls bleed in a frightening manner, and while you’d hope this is all an acid trip the characters in the game (the villians at least) proclaim the world of death and horrifying blood and gore to be one that “god” has created. I use god in the most loose of terms, not meaning the God that I worship, but the unnamed destruction loving raised and bred from hatred type of god that they mention in the game. Blah. Enough about the religion of the game, because it’s not really BASED on any REAL religion that i know of, or that is socially accepted in this world…. but the scariness level, is extremely high. Very little time is spent on the streets of Silent hill, which is nice because it’s hard navigating through the very thick fog of what is presumed to be white claudia… One thing that is heavily woven into the morbid tapestry of Silent Hill is the Hospitals. Especially Hospital Cruelty. and that coincides with the fact that anyone can be bought or lied to. Hence the fact that the girl named “Alessa” was kept alive though she was a heavily burned corpse for seven years… Blah. The storyline is complicated, and intricate. I do believe that’s why i enjoy it so thoroughly. I enjoy a good storyline. I love to be enthralled by a webbed story. Yes. A good story is what (to me usually) makes a good video game. Silent Hill (Either three or the rest of the series) is one of the best.

You know that phrase Speak of the Devil and he shall appear? Well, it’s not necessarily nice to say it to one of your friends. Cause i mean, being call the devil, otherwise known as the father of all lies, isn’t always… uh– flattering. But see, I have this mouth. It says things, and i don’t mean them…. Mou. I’m bad. I’m bad at keeping things inside that should be kept inside.

and the words I’m Sorry are beginning to be trite, and overused, when it comes to me and my friend. And that makes me sad.

But I can say, the feelings are gone. I’ve moved on. And I have someone who makes me happy. and then …

i’m going to look stunning. Not cute. Not pretty. I’m going to look gorgeous, fabulous and breath-taking.

And Taken

Derringer Meryl [Waxing Poetic] Out

Happy New Year! Isn’t this exciting? it’s already 2004! Amazing, i’m sure you’re just as amazed as i am. If you’re not, you’re probably reading too many cynical novels, or some such garbage. Relax. Even if life sucks, you should laugh, cause none of it is gonna matter later anyway–

Well, as was apparent from the influx of customers at the local places of Religious merchandise, it’s a new year, which means New Years Resolutions. I don’t have a ton…. but that’s because i’m trying to keep them fairly simple, so maybe i’ll actually follow them…. right?

Loose Weight Yeah, i was sorta inspired by Alanis Morrisette’s You Oughta Know, that’s what really got me to wanting to loose weight. Mostly because the song is about a bitter ex. I want to go back to every single guy who ever said no, and remind him, and make him wish he’d said yes. *smirks* I’ve done it before, I can’t wait until i’m skinny enough to do it again.

Clearer Skin – This one sorta coincides with the above resolution though, the Acne Perscription is sorta depressing me. I have to cut out every food I enjoy and like to get clear skin. I mean, yeah, I like olives, but i can’t live off of Olives alone. Or Celery, and the like. The only meat it allows you to have is fish, and i have a deep detest for fish. Don’t ask me why, I used to love fish, and most of the time the kinds of things i loved as a kid I love now, but for some reason, fish didn’t carry over. Not to mention I have to take at least thirty pages worth of vitamin supplements. …. I hate that. I hate vitamins. *growls* I’ll do it though. I might even end up eating Fish too. *frowns* I hate fish.

Religious Resolve – It’s my observation that my family is full of religious wishy-washies. Very few of them actually take a stand on their religion, and the ones who do, take the “I don’t believe in it” stance. This year, i’d like to do better on my “I do believe in it” Stance. Maybe i’ll get some new and better friends too.

Loving Myself First – Trust me, when there’s a bash Meryl line, i’m first in it. Heck I think i lead the barrages on my self esteem, though I have to admit certain male members of my family don’t help much. It’s not like i need help identifying myself as a complete dolt. *frowns* But I’d like to love every part of me…. including my flabby stomach, and thighs. *shakes her fist* we’re not best friends…. my thighs and I.

to add, i’d like to make my cat stop sleeping in my room at night since he seems to have picked up the bad habit of sleeping in there, and then waking me up at all hours of the night. That’s really no fun. Ohh, and …

Do better at my Job – I’m the queen of the store, but when all you’re doing is garbage and alphabetization, it’s not hard to be queen. And since i’m the only girl who isn’t management– it’s uber easy… But i’d like to do better so if Artemis or the Mouth quit or something, i’d be able to move up, instead of being overlooked again! It’s getting a little depressing. okay, it’s getting a LOT depressing. I am going to get a management job, if it’s the last thing I do!!

Thats all i can think of. I need to work on scheduling out my next few months — so i can figure out what nights i can work and which I can’t.

Derringer Meryl [Not so Anal Retentive] Out

So I randomly download songs. I dont know the artist, I don’t know the style, and i don’t know anything but a few key words.

and sometimes i stumble onto crap. Complete and utter crap. and other times, it’s gems. Something that makes me understand myself a little better, and removes a layer of protective skin…. Teaches me about myself. Sometimes people in the songs, say it in a different way, but it feels the same.

Different words, same meaning. Like someone who didn’t finish school, and can’t remember what they did go to thanks to the drugs…. saying how hurt they are from betrayal, compared to an English Major (Linguistics Minor) from Harvard, or Bradley saying the same thing, only different words.

Describing the same pain, feeling the same frustration for the lack of vocabulary– because no matter how extensive your vocabulary, there are always some words that just extend beyond the reach of human pain. The words seem trite and over used. Nothing to describe the anger that seems to fill you until it pours out your eyes, and there’s no way to hold it back– and you just want to be held, to make it go away–

but there’s no one there, to make it better. And no one tries to. It’s not because they don’t love you, it’s because they don’t know just as much as you don’t. That’s why the pain doesn’t go away…. Not until you accept it for what it is.

I was talking to friend of mine (who needs a nickname…), and he asked me “Why do you do that? Why do you see me as good, when I feel so bad?” and I told him, possibly the most profound thing i’ve ever said….

“People weren’t meant to see the good in themselves, but in each other. It keeps us happy, and it keeps us humble.”

I’m spewing off smart things. Ya know when it’s good to be happy? How it’s a good thing and not fake or anything? When you can still do things without being angry. I don’t know how to explain it in general, but i can do it in specifics to me.

When I write, I normally have to be in an angsty ‘i-just-got-dumped-and-i-couldn’t-feel-worse’ kind of place. I have to not be happy. Call it an Angel complex, because as soon as i get happy… my writing goes evil. It’s sappy, and romantic. And it sucks. A lot. So– you know when something is a good kind of happy, or at least i know i do, when i can still write, any way i want. Sappy happy stuff, or angsty stuff… without a problem. It’s great. I love it. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Compiling a list of Resolutions to share] Out