Undone

I don’t care if you like Fanfiction or not. I don’t care if you watch anime, or if you’re an avid fan. I don’t care if you think i’m the biggest shmuck in the entire world. If you’ve ever been in love, If you ever want to be IN love, and if you marvel at the way it changes things, then you must read this fic

a small excerpt that i find reflects me, and how i feel for my friends, and how i would describe the depth of my love for someone:

“And more than anything, at that moment, I wanted him to love me back.

And because I loved him, I could then find it in myself to go back to the Sengoku Jidai and see him. I could face my feelings, once I knew I loved him, because then I could identify with part of Kikyou’s feelings. I could face myself, because I could never hate a woman who loves the same boy I do, no matter what she may want from him.

And so I went back, and I faced Inuyasha, as he had faced me the night before. I saw him, and it hurt, because I had never loved someone whom I thought might not love me in return. But it didn’t matter then. And even if I’m still in second place now, after so much has happened, it doesn’t matter.

I want to stay with him.

I want him to live.

And even if he leaves me in the end, I want him to smile as much as possible until then.

Because I love him.

And it’s not just that I’m in love with him, though I am. The love I feel for Inuyasha cannot be expressed in terms of a relationship. The love I hold for him transcends something as simple as the concept of being acquaintances, friends, or lovers. I could be all with him, though a romantic relationship would probably be the closest manifestation of my feelings for him. What I feel for him is deeper than all of that. My love for Inuyasha is ineffable. I just need to be with him. And if I can’t have that, then I just need to know that he’s happy.”

Isn’t that some AMAZING writing? I’d love to claim it as my own, but no– alas i’ve kept some such insight to myself, as Kagome (if she was real) might have done herself. Bravo writer, Bravo.

Derringer Meryl [Trancending Lables] Out

Sorry for the lack of… saying things. I say things, but recently they’ve been really short and choppy, and i’m sorry for that.

It’s really a bad habit, But i’m guessing frequent short updates are better than none at all, like some people have obviously become in favor of….. *smiles* Interesting. I have a debate Tourny tomorrow, so don’t expect me to actually…. update on here or anything.

I’m taking my dragon notebook, which i have now unofficially deemed my “random romantic/fanfiction thoughts” notebook, because honestly, it’s gonna be a month or two *cough, year, cough* before I actually get done with the notebook i’m using for my journal now. When i need to voice my thoughts i usually do it here, unless it’s something really volatile, and i just need to get it out, and not offend. *nods*

See, I’m a firm believer in the fact that sometimes people say, or even just think, things they don’t really mean. The prime example would have to be “I hate you (insert name here)” I know this from personal experience. I’ve only hated two people in my entire life. My first boyfriend, and Al Gore. (Al Gore is just a running joke, i don’t really hate him. I’m not politic-y enough to care.) Which i might add is why I should judge Impomptu tomorrow and not… uh– what ever it is that’s all politic involved. I don’t do that well. I’m a pop culture girl. Not Current Events girl.

Which might be why I’m more of a diva than anything. *smiles* I know more about biology than I do government, and I know more about the latest diets and their effects on the body than I do left wing beliefs. In fact, I’m not sure what left wing is. I’m sure The Specialist is ashamed, because he knows everything.

I’ve come to learn that everyone (but me, which makes me nobody…) knows stuff about government. See, the thing is, most people pretend to know stuff, and they make it up and sound really impressive. I, don’t. I can’t. I don’t know stuff to make up, and I’m not very good at lying. I joke, I can do sarcasm. I don’t lie. *shrugs* It’s a gift from God. I promise you in the long run, being lousy at lying, is a good thing. 🙂

Debate Tourny. I’m going to be better than all of those lousy judges I ever had. I hate them. THey all sucked. They all hated me, and i have no idea why. Though I can guess why, want to hear? I knew you did! I didn’t suck up, I didn’t dress like a slut, I didn’t try to appeal to their conservative ways– i went for the laughs. How could I not? So maybe they didn’t get my jokes, since they were in their thirties and fourties. So what? I had fun. I got a really nice thing to put on my College Apps…. and I was social. It was some kind of law. You pack fifteen or so kids on a bus, and they talk, and sometimes they fight. Most of the time they fight.

I can’t tell you the number of times I got called a bitch (with various words to accentuate it) but I can tell you that most of the time it was from my own team. I didn’t fit in there either. I was too religious. I was too strict. and I didn’t take a stand on politics. *shrugs* I’m liberal, I guess. I don’t know. If i knew, then i’d be informed, and I’m not, as we’ve already covered.

*nods* I’m going shopping/stalking with Sakura after the tourny is over though. So that makes me happy! Even though I don’t have any money, it’s still fun to window shop! 🙂

Anyway, i better go and sleep. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Excited, oddly] Out

Okay, so it’s like… a sin not to have a Lyric Spew by at least wednesday, and guess what day it is! So, I decided on this one, because it doesn’t swear, and it’s a very intense song.

With funny story. 🙂 I was listening to it, and feeling lazy, I simply asked Daxero who sang the song. He came to listen, and he didn’t know. My mom and her friend wanted to know what we were listening to, so i told them it was a song/music video (me and my darn AMVs) so they wanted to hear too. I told them they wouldn’t like it. They said “you never know… What does it sound like?” I deadpanned, knowing they wouldnt’ like it, and said “Slightly Linkin Parkish, i guess.” For the lack of anything else they might know. They shrugged and asked to listen again. I acquiesced… and unplugged my head set. A few moments later, they asked for me to turn it back off. 🙂 If it’s too loud, you’re too old!

Always, Saliva

I hear… a voice say “Don’t be so blind”…

it’s telling me all these things…

that you would probably hide…

am I… your one and only desire…

am I the reason you breath…

or am I the reason you cry…

Always… always… always… always… always… always… always…

I just can’t live without you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I breathe you…

I taste you…

I can’t live without you…

I just can’t take anymore…

this life of solitude…

I guess that i’m out the door…

and now i’m done with you…

I feel… like you don’t want me around…

I guess i’ll pack all my things…

I guess i’ll see you around…

Inside… it bottles up until now…

as I walk out your door…

all I hear is the sound…

Always… always… always… always… always… always… always…

I just can’t live without you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I breathe you…

I taste you…

I can’t live without you…

I just can’t take anymore…

this life of solitude…

I guess that i’m out the door…

and now i’m done with you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I left my head around your heart…

Why would you tear my world apart…

Always… always… always… always…

I see… the blood all over your hands…

does it make you feel… more like a man…

was it all… just a part of your plan…

this pistol’s shakin’ in my hands…

and all I hear is the sound…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I breathe you…

I taste you…

I can’t live without you…

I just can’t take anymore…

this life of solitude…

I guess that i’m out the door…

and now i’m done with you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I just can’t take anymore…

this life of solitude…

I pick myself off the floor…

and now i’m done with you…

Always…

Always…

Always…

Yeah, Linkin Park and Saliva dont’ really sound all that similar in anyway EXCEPT the fact it gets loud, and tends to scream. That’s about it. Actually, if i were to compare Saliva to anyone it would be more like Stabbing Westward. Tha’ts just my opinion though. I don’t actually KNOW anything about music.

This all of the sudden came to me, and so… may i introduce …..

Tips for Fanfic Reviewers

I’ve been getting some rather annoying reviews consisting of: “hey, Dat wus todally awsume. U shuld upDate moore.” or even “Dis wus 2 short. u shuld b beter than htat. a fic like dis 1 shuld b updated more.”

and honestly, I’d like to tell them to go take a long walk off a short pier. I couldn’t care less. Maybe i’m haughty in my opinion of myself, but my writing isn’t, “oh look it’s tuesday, I should update” type of thing. I’m not an ‘on schedule’ type person. When i get an idea i write…. and instead of stimulating my brain to work faster and harder to please them, they’re making my brain focus on their stupid grammer, and their rude demands. It’s not like they say please. They demand. “I WANT MORE NOW! and i don’t care if you have a life or problems. I just want more story! Dang it!” and while i may be indulging this a little, it’s simply because that’s how it feels when they ask for more without even being polite about it. For everyone on the net, take some netiquette classes. I’m sure it’ll help, cause there’s almost no way you could go down from where you are. *rolls her eyes*

However, I do adore the reviews which are nice and kind, and THEN ask me to update soon. Those motivate me. It makes me think “Well there’s a nice person out there just like me…. I suppose I’ll get to work on the next chapter” See, that’s how my mood is. Great isn’t it?

Derringer Meryl [Achy and Wheezy] out

Have I told you i’ve been collecting AMV’s? (For the uneducated, that’s Anime Music Video’s) I love them. I love the emotion that is so easily portrayed when you manipulate a song to a picture. And if a picture is worth a thousand words, think of hundreds (if not more) images moved together, with a singular song in the background. (Sometimes there’s more than one song, but i usually like the singular song playing) I have a ton of them, most of them from Inu Yasha. I find them useful in writing my fanfictions. Which, if you haven’t already, go and read Thoughts of Kagome it’s my newest pride and joy. I’m fairly sure i didn’t make up the writing style and simply stole it from Hemingway…. but hey, every writer has their own flair… right?

Most of the reviewers want me to write from Kagome’s Point of View. I can understand that. It makes sense– but for some reason… i can’t see what she sees. I mean, yes, Inu Yasha is droolably cute, and sweeter than the sweetest guy i’ve met in real life (and not as lecherous as most of the sweet guys…) So … i find it harder to write as her. There is no character to get into… I suppose i relate too well to Kagome to write from her point of view. i can’t look at how she feels objectively. I live it. I still need to understand how to write…. fact…. in a fictional way. I hope my college course helps me with that. *shrugs*

I’m off to roll out another demanded chapter. Soon I hope to write Thoughts of Inu Yasha Though it doesn’t have the same ring to it. Too many syllables.

Psh. Like The Specialist actually DID lyric spews before me. Yeah right. *blinks* I don’t know. his blog doesn’t go as far back as mine does, so i’m not sure — but I started lyric spewing the end of my junior year of high school.

Cha.

I’ve spent my day reading fanfictions. I love to read stories. AU stories, Romance stories, Drama, Thriller….

Pretty much anything. I’m a reading freak. Which reminds me–

I was talking to my mom last night, who unfortunately gets no alter title other than my mom…. sorry, about how i hate going to school. She says she thinks that I may becoming agoraphobic… Or afraid of going out into public. I can understand what she means… but I think it’s actually the fear of interacting with people I don’t know. I’m not scared of the mall… err… most malls…. and I”m not scared of the doctors office (cept the germs, icky) I’m not scared of any of that… I’m petrified of school.

It’s the forced interaction of people, who otherwise wouldn’t talk to each other. I don’t do well with the idea of making small talk with someone. *frowns* I’m no good at it, and i …. I hate doing it. I hate talking to people. Conversing with random people, annoys me. Frustrates me. ANd it’s freakishly ridiculous that it’s expected of me.

My mom says I can’t be afraid of people cause “How do you expect to get married….?” and I think to myself “I sorta hoped he’d be introduced to me, or that…. well that we’d be forced friends. Two people in an unsavory situation (like work or school) and that i wouldn’t have to start the conversation…. and … I don’t know. Sue me. I don’t like to talk to people…. *mutter mutter*”

Yeah. Maybe I don’t want to get married RIGHT now. Maybe I’ll have to take sometime to get over things…. and MAYBE it’s going to take someone else to really bring me out of my shell. Good grief.

Invasion from Within Tsunami Bomb

Enemy inside of me!

I’m caught! I cannot kick them out

Their claws are wrapped around my throat and they are squeezing tighter

Insanity is coming over me

Their every wish is my command

No way out!

I feed them, you will too!

They’re gonna take control of you!

You’ll know when they have got you trapped

Everything looks cloudy and you feel like you’re on fire

Inhabited, I wish that I were dead

My blood has turned from red to black

No way out!

When they come for you

They see right through your flesh and bones for soon you’ll be their home

They know you deep inside, the things you can’t try to hide

No hope after the first bite

Look out ’cause they are onto you

They’ll cut you open, crawl inside and you’ll be lost forever

Don’t try to run ’cause you’re the chosen one

Your world is gone, no turning back

No way out!

Derringer Meryl [Nothing works out right] Out