Undone

task for today, Finish Final Fantasy X-2 by midnight. Can i do i?? No one knows but me, and the darn mentally screwed up people who made the game. Shame on them

Sheesh.

Derringer Meryl [Square-Enix hates me] Out

One week until my happy winter break freedom is ripped ever so cruelly from my hands.

Can you tell that i dont’ like school? I mean, i like SOME of it, and the classes i’m taking i really hope i’m going to like… i’m a little scared of one of them, my serious career class (on the third floor of the building i’m going to) mainly because i don’t know what to expect. It’s just… going to be interesting. I hope i don’t make some kind of fool of myself. I can see that seriously happening. But ya know… 🙂 Things happen.

I finally finished Silent Hill 3 which i have to say was possibly the most horrifying experience of my entire life. Most of the noises in it, are shocking, freakish, and don’t go away like you’d hope they would. The walls bleed in a frightening manner, and while you’d hope this is all an acid trip the characters in the game (the villians at least) proclaim the world of death and horrifying blood and gore to be one that “god” has created. I use god in the most loose of terms, not meaning the God that I worship, but the unnamed destruction loving raised and bred from hatred type of god that they mention in the game. Blah. Enough about the religion of the game, because it’s not really BASED on any REAL religion that i know of, or that is socially accepted in this world…. but the scariness level, is extremely high. Very little time is spent on the streets of Silent hill, which is nice because it’s hard navigating through the very thick fog of what is presumed to be white claudia… One thing that is heavily woven into the morbid tapestry of Silent Hill is the Hospitals. Especially Hospital Cruelty. and that coincides with the fact that anyone can be bought or lied to. Hence the fact that the girl named “Alessa” was kept alive though she was a heavily burned corpse for seven years… Blah. The storyline is complicated, and intricate. I do believe that’s why i enjoy it so thoroughly. I enjoy a good storyline. I love to be enthralled by a webbed story. Yes. A good story is what (to me usually) makes a good video game. Silent Hill (Either three or the rest of the series) is one of the best.

You know that phrase Speak of the Devil and he shall appear? Well, it’s not necessarily nice to say it to one of your friends. Cause i mean, being call the devil, otherwise known as the father of all lies, isn’t always… uh– flattering. But see, I have this mouth. It says things, and i don’t mean them…. Mou. I’m bad. I’m bad at keeping things inside that should be kept inside.

and the words I’m Sorry are beginning to be trite, and overused, when it comes to me and my friend. And that makes me sad.

But I can say, the feelings are gone. I’ve moved on. And I have someone who makes me happy. and then …

i’m going to look stunning. Not cute. Not pretty. I’m going to look gorgeous, fabulous and breath-taking.

And Taken

Derringer Meryl [Waxing Poetic] Out

Oi. Drama Drama!! *dances* I love a good scandal. But that’s just because i’m a little … rude, and cruel.

Yeah, that must be it. I was reading the back of the FFX-2 box, and it says that she’s searching for her friend that maybe in danger… whatever. FRIEND?? I always thought of her and Tidus as more than friends ever since they took that late night swim together in the game (If you havent’ gotten that far, sue me. You’re obviously not going to get there by the time you get FFX-2)

*hmph* I swear to God that back must have been written by a man. I can almost guarentee it. No one else would use the word “Friend” when they mean “Lovers”

Honestly. What a freak. *mutters* I don’t know what is about the male gender and their slip up with that word. *leers* Never ever use that word. Ever. And like I say about most things, if you say it, mean it. No one likes to be promised things that can’t come true. No one likes to hear lies to make them feel better. If i wanted to be lied to, I’d ask for it. straight out. I’d say “Honey, Does this dress make me look fat?” I’d see the hesitation in a guys eyes and say “Lie to me to make me feel better.” Honest. If it’s a tough question, but you know that the lie wont’ hurt anything, and i mean KNOW that the lie won’t hurt anything… do it. I’m evil for saying it… but it’s called being polite. I don’t want to hear that you want to be my friend instead of my boyfriend– if you find me repulsive, say it. I’d rather hear that than try to keep up a friendship that i’m only investing in, because i thought YOU cared.

It’s no use, Trying to make up for it now. Just turn a new leaf over, and do what you need to. But If you want to end a relationship, and it’s going no where, and you can’t stand the other person, don’t say “Can we Just be friends?” because that’s false hope. It’s a lie. It’s crap. Like telling someone they can breathe underwater, and then when they can’t telling them that they must be doing something wrong. Use your brain… Usually you’ll figure out which is better– Lying, or telling the truth.

Oh, and not better for you. Cause contrary to your belief, life isn’t all about you. Or Me. So — do something nice for someone else, who cares if it screws YOU over. *shrugs* No one cares anyway.

Derringer Meryl [Bluntness is as Bluntness does] Out

so– fifteen or so hours when i finish work tonight, for this week alone. *smiles* that means out of my alotted hours of time in my life this week, i’ve spent (or will soon) spend fifteen and a half hours working.

*frowns* I can think of fifty million other things i’d like to do. Like hang out with my friends, which i never get to do anymore. Blah.

I bought a new game, Sword of the Berserk: Guts Rage and i’m liking it. The thing is, is that, i’m not a little girl any more. When i get done watching an anime, or a movie, i feel sad, and a little bitter. Because, *sighs* Okay, in this video game Guts, who is this hardcore guy who thinks “i don’t need you, and i don’t need one damn person in this world.” Basically a guy after my own heart, but somehow, a fellow warrior, Caska, works her way into his heart. He falls in love with her, and she’s completely smitten herself… and then…. she looses her mind. Another guy does some real shibby stuff to her, and she’s gone. Guts ends up devoting his life, to make her remember what they had before.

And I get all sad, and angry, because i don’t have that. I dont’ have someone who would kill a hundred men to save me. Hell, I don’t have someone who would risk being pricked by a thorn because they love me. I mean, amorous kind of love, not like “My mommy and daddy love me…” type love. I have that coming out my ears. i guess i should be grateful, but …

you begin to miss what you never had, simply by seeing what others have.

Now, the two-hundred-million-dollar question….

Do I love someone enough to fight off a hundred men?

Well. yes. I try to make it go away, and i guess i try to hate people, but… deep down, i love people. That doesn’t mean they don’t annoy me to the point of wanting to murder them sometimes– but… Yeah, I love someone enough to die for them.

I’d crawl two thousand miles on broken glass, just to lie in their shade.

It’s sick.

I’m sick.

Derringer Meryl [and i never want to do this again] Out