Undone

Okay, so it’s like… a sin not to have a Lyric Spew by at least wednesday, and guess what day it is! So, I decided on this one, because it doesn’t swear, and it’s a very intense song.

With funny story. 🙂 I was listening to it, and feeling lazy, I simply asked Daxero who sang the song. He came to listen, and he didn’t know. My mom and her friend wanted to know what we were listening to, so i told them it was a song/music video (me and my darn AMVs) so they wanted to hear too. I told them they wouldn’t like it. They said “you never know… What does it sound like?” I deadpanned, knowing they wouldnt’ like it, and said “Slightly Linkin Parkish, i guess.” For the lack of anything else they might know. They shrugged and asked to listen again. I acquiesced… and unplugged my head set. A few moments later, they asked for me to turn it back off. 🙂 If it’s too loud, you’re too old!

Always, Saliva

I hear… a voice say “Don’t be so blind”…

it’s telling me all these things…

that you would probably hide…

am I… your one and only desire…

am I the reason you breath…

or am I the reason you cry…

Always… always… always… always… always… always… always…

I just can’t live without you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I breathe you…

I taste you…

I can’t live without you…

I just can’t take anymore…

this life of solitude…

I guess that i’m out the door…

and now i’m done with you…

I feel… like you don’t want me around…

I guess i’ll pack all my things…

I guess i’ll see you around…

Inside… it bottles up until now…

as I walk out your door…

all I hear is the sound…

Always… always… always… always… always… always… always…

I just can’t live without you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I breathe you…

I taste you…

I can’t live without you…

I just can’t take anymore…

this life of solitude…

I guess that i’m out the door…

and now i’m done with you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I left my head around your heart…

Why would you tear my world apart…

Always… always… always… always…

I see… the blood all over your hands…

does it make you feel… more like a man…

was it all… just a part of your plan…

this pistol’s shakin’ in my hands…

and all I hear is the sound…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I breathe you…

I taste you…

I can’t live without you…

I just can’t take anymore…

this life of solitude…

I guess that i’m out the door…

and now i’m done with you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I love you…

I hate you…

I can’t live without you…

I just can’t take anymore…

this life of solitude…

I pick myself off the floor…

and now i’m done with you…

Always…

Always…

Always…

Yeah, Linkin Park and Saliva dont’ really sound all that similar in anyway EXCEPT the fact it gets loud, and tends to scream. That’s about it. Actually, if i were to compare Saliva to anyone it would be more like Stabbing Westward. Tha’ts just my opinion though. I don’t actually KNOW anything about music.

This all of the sudden came to me, and so… may i introduce …..

Tips for Fanfic Reviewers

I’ve been getting some rather annoying reviews consisting of: “hey, Dat wus todally awsume. U shuld upDate moore.” or even “Dis wus 2 short. u shuld b beter than htat. a fic like dis 1 shuld b updated more.”

and honestly, I’d like to tell them to go take a long walk off a short pier. I couldn’t care less. Maybe i’m haughty in my opinion of myself, but my writing isn’t, “oh look it’s tuesday, I should update” type of thing. I’m not an ‘on schedule’ type person. When i get an idea i write…. and instead of stimulating my brain to work faster and harder to please them, they’re making my brain focus on their stupid grammer, and their rude demands. It’s not like they say please. They demand. “I WANT MORE NOW! and i don’t care if you have a life or problems. I just want more story! Dang it!” and while i may be indulging this a little, it’s simply because that’s how it feels when they ask for more without even being polite about it. For everyone on the net, take some netiquette classes. I’m sure it’ll help, cause there’s almost no way you could go down from where you are. *rolls her eyes*

However, I do adore the reviews which are nice and kind, and THEN ask me to update soon. Those motivate me. It makes me think “Well there’s a nice person out there just like me…. I suppose I’ll get to work on the next chapter” See, that’s how my mood is. Great isn’t it?

Derringer Meryl [Achy and Wheezy] out

these are a few of my favorite things…..

Not anything warm and fuzzy, like Julie Andrews would say…. My favorite things are Fanfictions, friends, friends who review, reviews… Okay, my brain extends beyond that. I’m excited about my psychology class, and i wonder if i’m going to write papers for it. It makes me kind of excited *nods enthusiastically* I’m possibly the only person in the world who you’ll find being excited about writing psychology papers.

Of course, you’d be excited too if you had me analyze what type of automobile says about your life, almost any aspect of it. i’m so odd and obsessed with the stupidest things…..

Like the male mind. Being a girl myself, one cannot help but ponder what goes on inside their brain. I mean, I know how my brain works, slightly…. and i know that all brains are not the same…. and all that rubbish i’m always promoting…. but i want to know…. why guys do what they do. Girls are attracted to color and emotion…. boys… god I don’t know what attracts them other than breasts. Honest. I’m not trying to be gross, just honest.

that’s an annoyance to me. I’ve said it before, i find it slightly flattering when a guy checks me out, i mean the once over, and it’s appreciated. I do not enjoy leers towards my chest. I mean, it’s fleshy stuff, just like your legs, or your stomach. *shrugs* I really don’t see what the big deal is. What i absolutely loathe though is having them talked to. I mean having a guy (as i haven’t run into many girls around here who have done it to me….) talking to me, but looking at my boobs. The animeboi here (i like to call him Miroku in private circles) does it, Monkey does it, though i have a feeling it’s just because … they’re there. Ihaven’t caught the Mouth or Gert doing it to me, but i’ve noticed some guys are more tricky about it. Like they notice if you’re noticing, and they keep it short…. which i don’t mind. If i don’t catch you, then it’s okay… My personal opinion.

I’m sure most of my readers (who are family…. Specialist and Dax) are blushing their brains out. I’ll move on.

I’ve increased my AMV collection by a few more videos. It gives me a thrill to watch them, and i have to admit,one of my favorite things.

Julie also includes things she doesn’t like, and i’m telling you what i don’t like. Being mistaken for a thirty-year old woman with kids Yeah. I have no kids. Hell, I’m not thirty. I’m eighteen. EIGHTEEN. Nothing great. I’m a few years away from any of that stuff people think of when they see me. I’m not delicate, or lanky, or wan, or twiggy. I look like i’ve pushed out a kid or two (isn’t that sad?) It’s just the way i look. *grumbles* yeah, I look like i should go anorexic for a little while… somehow i don’t…. mostly because i know it wouldn’t help anything… besides the fact it’s completely unhealthy… i know i’ve gained weight since i stopped my medication.

damn medication. I’m allowed to say that… i’ve decided. It ruined my high school experience, it’s given me permanent (as far as i can tell) shakes, and i’ve gained weight….. Yeah, that pretty much allows for the damnation of an inanimate object.

Sometimes i consider re-medicating myself again…. except that means going back to my therapist… and i don’t want to. She’s nice. I admit that…. but it feels like…. a friend whore. I pay her to listen to me…. and help me. that for some reason, disgusts me beyond all reason. I can’t explain it– but it makes me ill. Very ill. Besides, I’m not as sick as i was a few years ago, when i started.

I’m not sure the therapy helped. I went to group, everyone else had serious problems…. none of them i can disclose or anything… but… real deep problems, and i was the girl who’s first boyfriend abused her– and she was in therapy. I felt — odd. I felt, wrong. I couldn’t help but compare– Some of those girls had deep emotional scars…. and i was just abused verbally. I mean, yeah, I’m fat. SO what? That’s what he told me…. every day… in a million different ways. And God help me, i loved him anyway. I loved him so much, i didn’t care about the pain–

until he was gone. Then I was angry… and i felt ugly. No, i didn’t feel ugly, i was ugly. I was disgusting, and vile. I knew it. He’d convinced me a million times that i was wrong…. that i was sick and the size of a barn…. and that he didn’t love me. He hit that one home quite nicely. and i gave him everything. I gave him my past, and the present, and if he had asked for it, my future. Not anymore though… I’m grateful for that.

I’m not as weak as I was before….

Yeah, but– those others…. wow. I felt stupid. Completely stupid sitting there as they told their stories. (You just heard mine) But it’s a problem i have… comparing. seeing who hurts the worst. I know i didn’t . I know that those girls needed to be there so much more than me.

I am broken– and no amount of talk can fix that. *shrugs* That’s just the way things are. I think I’m fine being broken. Being depressed sometimes…. feeling love, feeling pain, feeling everything. I’m fine with that. Feeling isn’t what makes me broken– the intensity is. I feel it, and i feel like i’m going to be washed away in the emotion. it’s crazy. And that’s what’s broken.

Me.

Derringer Meryl [My Favorite things] Out

Have I told you i’ve been collecting AMV’s? (For the uneducated, that’s Anime Music Video’s) I love them. I love the emotion that is so easily portrayed when you manipulate a song to a picture. And if a picture is worth a thousand words, think of hundreds (if not more) images moved together, with a singular song in the background. (Sometimes there’s more than one song, but i usually like the singular song playing) I have a ton of them, most of them from Inu Yasha. I find them useful in writing my fanfictions. Which, if you haven’t already, go and read Thoughts of Kagome it’s my newest pride and joy. I’m fairly sure i didn’t make up the writing style and simply stole it from Hemingway…. but hey, every writer has their own flair… right?

Most of the reviewers want me to write from Kagome’s Point of View. I can understand that. It makes sense– but for some reason… i can’t see what she sees. I mean, yes, Inu Yasha is droolably cute, and sweeter than the sweetest guy i’ve met in real life (and not as lecherous as most of the sweet guys…) So … i find it harder to write as her. There is no character to get into… I suppose i relate too well to Kagome to write from her point of view. i can’t look at how she feels objectively. I live it. I still need to understand how to write…. fact…. in a fictional way. I hope my college course helps me with that. *shrugs*

I’m off to roll out another demanded chapter. Soon I hope to write Thoughts of Inu Yasha Though it doesn’t have the same ring to it. Too many syllables.

Happy Thanksgiving… Happy Birthday to my Oldest Brother. He’s like… thirty-one now. Isn’t that insane? He’s the very oldest, and i’m the very youngest at Eighteen almost ninteen.

I really need to figure out something rebellious to do before time runs out. *blinks* I mean, i only have like a month and a year to do something completely unorthodox that’s against my parent’s wishes.

I’m just no good at the rebellion thing. (looks at the clock) Oooh, eleven Eleven, make a wishage…. 🙂 Anyway, i’m like a five year old. I don’t know how to do anything that is wrong against my parents…. especially and not feel bad about it. I’m the guilt queen. I feel bad, and it shows. I’m so easy to read– except when I’ve got my gadditude on, then it’s all smiles no matter what….

🙂 Like now. 🙂 🙂

Just kidding. I’ve just realized exactly how obsessed with AMV’s i am. (Anime Music Videos for the uneducated) FUN! 🙂 Seriously. I collect some of the best. 🙂 Humor and Romance, i like those the most…. but character profiles are pretty good too. 🙂

I’m just … talking like crazy.

Derringer Meryl [Thinking of Lockign her Diary] Out