Undone

I love those people who love to tell you ‘Money is the root of all that kills’ they have never been poor, they have never had the joy of a welfare Christmas

Yeah, I have to agree, money sucks the big one. I mean it. I have none. I mean I have the total of eighty-bucks to my name. That’s it. I’m sorta glad I ended up with like three shifts this week at work, but it sorta makes a person tired. makes em want to do something with their friends–

and when their friends– well. Screw talking in metaphors. I feel like hanging out with my friends. But like the freak I am, I don’t want to call them. *rolls her eyes* In general– i want to do stuff, but see, stuff takes money– money I don’t have, or should be saving for college. Every cent i have from NOW until January 12 has to be saved. Every Last one. I’m SO Friggin’ serious. My presents will probably consist of IOU slips reading “I owe you One damn nice present.”

And I”ll have to print a bunch of them. To Monkey, Red, Mum, Dad, my sibs, and the lot. (I mean, you gots to get the sibs rugrats soemthing. Maybe a razor to chew on, jolly good idea!) *smirks* I’m sure I’ll be ending up spending any time I’m not whoring myself on state street, making this year’s presents. *laughs to herself*

Holders for your pot ALL AROUND! Yeah, right. You can’t make something out of nothing– luckily my mom stockpiled a whole crap load of fabric in our basement. Sure some of it may be from the early seventies, but hey, that stuff doesn’t go bad, right?

*nods* well, anyway, every scrap of money I’m going to see for a long time is going to the college. Sad, isn’t it? I’m going to be paying monkey’s wages! *laughs to herself* right, so that wasn’t that funny. *shrugs* whatever.

Red went on a date with this miswashed cretin who gave her flowers. Roses I think she said. Makes me want to gag. Just shows I couldnt find a normal nice romantic guy if he kicked me in the gut. (That is, if he found me…. i’m too scary for a sensitive guy like that to stick around too long.) I’m like some sort of insane cancer to guys. they run. Alot. and the ones who don’t– well they’re just scary. I’m serious, and that coming from someone who considers herself scary… is a statement.

Take the guy who I took to Senior Ball. First off — it was a mistake. I had a dress and the guys I wanted to go with couldn’t go because they were working– or one of them was [monkey] and the other one decided to eat my heart en flambe and so— *shudders* I went with Staples. Yes, his online diary nickname is staples. I got it from my boss, because his whole family knows this guy by the name staples… it’s a story in and of itself. Anyway, we went– and i had a horrid time. It was like taking my brother to the last dance of the year, and ….blah. it sucked ALOT!!! *grumbles* I mean, sure, it looked [to the average bear] that i was on a date. Me, I was out to a dance with Red, and our dates– were disgusting in every sense of the term.

Blah. Only if Monkey Could have taken me. …. i might have had a good time. *shudders at the memories*

Anyway– this guy is still interested. Immensely, and once again Monkey is my savior by lying to him and telling him that we’re still going out. (Were we ever? *shrugs* This is out of it Staples is.) Anyway, It defers him, happily for me. And so *shrugs* i’m happy and safe from the scary pick up lines of staples.

Now. the confusing thing (and for the first time in a while, It’s not monkey i’m confused about) it’s Gert. For those of you who are unawares– Gert is my manager, and a man. Sure, his online nickname may portray otherwise, but it was the easiest thing I could come up with– considering it’s almost his initials.

From Near January on– Gert has confused me to NO end. And part of me is almost tempted to quit just to see what he’d do if I did. Monkey is always trying to convince me that there is nothing to the inner workings of the male mind– but considering the fact that there are no inner workings to mine… it’s complicated to understand anything.

*shrugs* I’m going to have Eighties shoulders if I keep shrugging like this. Oh well.

Lets wrap this up in a summary: Money SUCKS, Red found a keeper…. sorta, guys are only clingy to me when they’re nutz, and My boss confuses me– Mixed signals SUCK!!!

I thought i’d add that in.

Derringer Meryl [when our lips first met] Out

What can I say, i’m a funny girl.

After spending a while on my feet (four hours, and i hurt … mostly in my arm joints, go figure that one) i’ve had alittle while to think. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s this:

Ben and Jerry’s DOES NOT Belong in a freezer! It’s meant to be eaten and enjoyed…. instead Monkey left it at work. (oops! on his part)

Along with that I’ve also realized that…. well, I don’t enjoy liking two people at once, and i also don’t particularly enjoy people who buy something, return it, buy something with the return money, and return that, and buy another new game…. all in the matter of like three hours. Go figure.

I took my collages to work, I wanted to show Friendjamin, but he didn’t work today. *frown* And My mom forgot to call the doctor so I can get rid of my friendly friends on my foot. (waves to her warts) I hate them, they are SO embarrassing. *growls* anyway.

There isn’t much to say, Marco doesn’t work today, and I’m exhausted, but happy–

Silent Hill 3 comes out tomorrow. More crazy stab-y death fun! Wahoo! (No, actually for once in my life, i’m serious.)

If you’ve come over here looking for a response to Red’s meandering thought pattern on my mother– Well…. I love my mum. I don’t know why she doesn’t love Red– but I think my mom thinks she’s just protecting me. *shrugs* I don’t live in her brain, so that’s just a guess.

Derringer Meryl [You should go and get the B&J] Out

After working another LOOOOONG shift today, my feet don’t hurt so bad, but that may just be because i’ve lost all feeling IN them. *shrugs*

So we had a kid, probably ten or so come in and ask every friggin’ question under the sun “Do I have enough money for this? How about this? Or this!” and my boss, well he hadn’t gotten much sleep thanks to the AquaBats Concert he went to last night….so he wasn’t really ready to deal with Scrappy Doo givin’ him crap. Probably a good thing I came in. I’m trained to let things roll off my back. It’s what I do. *shrugs* Anyway, the kid just would NOT leave, and so I was straightening the store (someone had totally HASHED the friggin’ GBA section) and I was reaching above my head (as I often have to, being as short as I am) and I was putting my arms down to the side and whacked the kid a good one. I didn’t mean to. I really didn’t! I didn’t mean to do it! I swear on all that’s good and holy in this world, that I didn’t mean it…

but i won’t deny it was sort of gratifying that the little monkey was in pain… but it wasn’t planned.

Anyway, it was slower than molasses in January, and there was NOTHING to do. Except talk to my Boss, and trust me, that’s something I do well. I mean, My mom doesn’t call me a mouth for no reason… (Points at Red) You no talkie– I mean mouth talkie… not … lip talkie. Err– Right. Anyway, we talked about all sorts of random things

stuff I can’t even remember now that i think of it. . . . Eh, wasn’t that important to the blog anyway. The poor dork got married, and for some insane reason (that is, she’s insane) it didn’t work out. We were casually talking about how we hate kids (in general, not all of them just most of them.) and how I wanted to be a stay at home mom, and the idea of going to college for anything seemed a little silly, because– I just want to be a mom, so I don’t have kids who are screwed up like the ones who come into our store.

BTW Red, I know you’re reading this. Remember how you said you didn’t think a guy and a girl who were both heterosexual and not related couldnt’ live in a house together and not sleep together? Gert Did it– twice. *nods* So ha. i still want to do it to prove to you that I can do it, but for now his proof is good enough for me.

Right, so Me, stay at home mom. So basically for my plan for the rest of my life, I’m missing…

Uhh– Right a husband.

Dang, I always forget that part *chuckles half heartedly*

PS:Gert Read one of my poems that i accidently left at work and he liked it… ^_^;; who knew?

Derringer Meryl [C&L work with B&J] Out

So– I apparently am not suitable to have around your children. Mothers and Fathers, Lock em up! Because i work at the local gaming store.

Ya know, that could carry some weight if i wasn’t the girl who everyone goes “I don’t remember you.” Even though you’ve worked there longer than the manager…. *sighs* I realize these things are piddly to what else i’ve been realizing, but whatever, it’s annoying when how good i am doesn’t shine the way i meant it to.

I was having a personal conversation with my exboyfriend’s best friend. I said to him “Well she [a girl who likes him] doesn’t want to see how stupid he is, because she just wants to get into his pants.” and it was quiet. Very quiet. And a lady who was standing being helped by my co-worker said “Excuse me?” And I stared, blinked twice (the time it took for me to comprehend the ever so stunning reply of: “Sorry”) and apologized, and turned back to my conversation.

Wasn’t really her business, now was it? Besides, you can think the best of a person, you can believe in them till the cows come home–but the rules of psychology and the Id say that you want things. Sex, food, shelter, all of that kind of stuff. The thing is, you can harness your Id, but you’re never rid of it. *giggles* That kinda rhymed.

Anyway–

Marco came in to see us at work. I was happy, because in case no one noticed, this week is a little bit with the suckiness. We talked for a bit, it wasn’t like old times, just because people kept interrupting us. . . . Hmn. I miss the old days of ….. well, talking to him, and closing and joking around. *nods* it was a damn good run while it lasted, and always a good memory.

I’m going to see Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life tonight, I would really like to take Monkey with…. but *sighs* Alas– Half of my brain says to call him, and the other says not to. The not to side says to me:

“You’re being possessive, and you’re always calling him. Leave the poor man alone! if he wanted to, he’d be there.”

and then the other side of my brain says:

“No, you just want to take a friend to the movies. You know he likes Lara Croft, and you are way tired of just spending all your time with your brother. All you’re looking for is a friend to hang out with, who won’t make snarky comments throughout the movie.”

So here i sit, letting the two chickens battle it out in my head as I get ready to go. All I want is the headache to go away– and to spend some quality time with Monkey– who lets me be.

OI. No offense Red. *raises her hands in a surrender position*

Derringer Meryl [the universe likes to] Out

thought i’d get in here before the ten o’clock rush. Ya know, every one realizes how depressed they are at 10 pm GMT. So here i am, a little ahead of schedule, at nine thirty.

whatever, i’m just sitting here, at my computer, slightly confused, a little floundering, and …

floundering in what you say? a sautee of emotions, what else? i’mjust sitting here, slightly confused as to what I’m supposed to do next in life, obviously a better job, since GS pays like jack, not to mention they UNDER pay me…. that’s another post all together. So there’s that– but it’s like– this is my last summer vacation. The last time I’ll ever have to be like– kid-like, and not be called immature. I want to go and do something….. just for fun, with someone who isnt’… (no offense Mom, I love ya) my mom. I want to go and hang out, and just be a kid.

I haven’t had enough opportunities to be a kid. Unfortunately, I’ve burned too many bridges– or didn’t build very good ones in the first place. So, I feel a little lonely, despite the fact i’m also floundering in the warm fuzzies of what could be a new relationship.

*laughs* My boss asks me yesterday “So how are things with you and Monkey?” and I say “Good.”

“Good?” He repeats raising his eyebrows. I knit my eyebrows and say, “Yeah.” he looks confused for a minute.

“Are you guys like dating now?” I become very flustered and paranoid as well as frustrated because the answer is “I don’t know.”

Honest. I have no sort of relationship depth perception. I don’t know, maybe that’s why i screw up so much, even with my friends. If people said what they meant, to the person they meant to say it to, life would be so much more simple.

Like I practice what I preach.

Derringer Meryl [He looks straight ahead] Out