Undone

I love those people who love to tell you ‘Money is the root of all that kills’ they have never been poor, they have never had the joy of a welfare Christmas

Yeah, I have to agree, money sucks the big one. I mean it. I have none. I mean I have the total of eighty-bucks to my name. That’s it. I’m sorta glad I ended up with like three shifts this week at work, but it sorta makes a person tired. makes em want to do something with their friends–

and when their friends– well. Screw talking in metaphors. I feel like hanging out with my friends. But like the freak I am, I don’t want to call them. *rolls her eyes* In general– i want to do stuff, but see, stuff takes money– money I don’t have, or should be saving for college. Every cent i have from NOW until January 12 has to be saved. Every Last one. I’m SO Friggin’ serious. My presents will probably consist of IOU slips reading “I owe you One damn nice present.”

And I”ll have to print a bunch of them. To Monkey, Red, Mum, Dad, my sibs, and the lot. (I mean, you gots to get the sibs rugrats soemthing. Maybe a razor to chew on, jolly good idea!) *smirks* I’m sure I’ll be ending up spending any time I’m not whoring myself on state street, making this year’s presents. *laughs to herself*

Holders for your pot ALL AROUND! Yeah, right. You can’t make something out of nothing– luckily my mom stockpiled a whole crap load of fabric in our basement. Sure some of it may be from the early seventies, but hey, that stuff doesn’t go bad, right?

*nods* well, anyway, every scrap of money I’m going to see for a long time is going to the college. Sad, isn’t it? I’m going to be paying monkey’s wages! *laughs to herself* right, so that wasn’t that funny. *shrugs* whatever.

Red went on a date with this miswashed cretin who gave her flowers. Roses I think she said. Makes me want to gag. Just shows I couldnt find a normal nice romantic guy if he kicked me in the gut. (That is, if he found me…. i’m too scary for a sensitive guy like that to stick around too long.) I’m like some sort of insane cancer to guys. they run. Alot. and the ones who don’t– well they’re just scary. I’m serious, and that coming from someone who considers herself scary… is a statement.

Take the guy who I took to Senior Ball. First off — it was a mistake. I had a dress and the guys I wanted to go with couldn’t go because they were working– or one of them was [monkey] and the other one decided to eat my heart en flambe and so— *shudders* I went with Staples. Yes, his online diary nickname is staples. I got it from my boss, because his whole family knows this guy by the name staples… it’s a story in and of itself. Anyway, we went– and i had a horrid time. It was like taking my brother to the last dance of the year, and ….blah. it sucked ALOT!!! *grumbles* I mean, sure, it looked [to the average bear] that i was on a date. Me, I was out to a dance with Red, and our dates– were disgusting in every sense of the term.

Blah. Only if Monkey Could have taken me. …. i might have had a good time. *shudders at the memories*

Anyway– this guy is still interested. Immensely, and once again Monkey is my savior by lying to him and telling him that we’re still going out. (Were we ever? *shrugs* This is out of it Staples is.) Anyway, It defers him, happily for me. And so *shrugs* i’m happy and safe from the scary pick up lines of staples.

Now. the confusing thing (and for the first time in a while, It’s not monkey i’m confused about) it’s Gert. For those of you who are unawares– Gert is my manager, and a man. Sure, his online nickname may portray otherwise, but it was the easiest thing I could come up with– considering it’s almost his initials.

From Near January on– Gert has confused me to NO end. And part of me is almost tempted to quit just to see what he’d do if I did. Monkey is always trying to convince me that there is nothing to the inner workings of the male mind– but considering the fact that there are no inner workings to mine… it’s complicated to understand anything.

*shrugs* I’m going to have Eighties shoulders if I keep shrugging like this. Oh well.

Lets wrap this up in a summary: Money SUCKS, Red found a keeper…. sorta, guys are only clingy to me when they’re nutz, and My boss confuses me– Mixed signals SUCK!!!

I thought i’d add that in.

Derringer Meryl [when our lips first met] Out

It’s amazing, how everything can go so wrong–

and in the end turn out so right!

So last night was Winter Ball a little less dressy than prom, but still a nice dance. It was girls choice (lucky for me) and so I took a really good friend of mine. He’s a super guy, ad when I mean super, I mean he’s all around the best guy I know.

Really.

He’s super sweet, and even though we’re not really romantically attatched, he made me feel like a princess all night long. I was super excited to go with him, cause (lest I rave on more) he’s a great guy and (whispers to reader) I really like him, but I’m trying to not get attatched, because he’s leaving on his mission soon. *nods*

We danced to a song, that I used to hate. It was the first song I ever slow danced to, and that was unfortunately with my ex. Without delving into too much detail about my ex, he was a jerk. Last night, none of it was about spite, or to get over him, or because I had to– It was all about having fun, and hanging out…..

And slow dancing with one of the most charming, handsome, and dashing guys ever.

I think i’ll just have to write him a letter. He really– I mean… WOW. It meant something to me– it may have just been in the school commons area (If you don’t know what a commons is, ask me, I’ll tell ya later) but It seemed like I was in a magical place.

I was smiling for real again.

I haven’t smiled for real since the sixth grade. Have you ever had those smiles that are so big, and so genuine that it hurts your face? I have. I haven’t smiled like that in so long– I’d forgotten the feeling.

I was giddy. LIke real giddy. Not emotional rollercoaster girl because I wasn’t trying to cover it up– what ever I was feeling. I felt real. I loved it.

I wouldn’t have been able to have had that much fun with anyone else (at this point in time). I’m so glad it all worked out so well. I love being able to feel all of this emotion again. I’d really forgotten what it was like.

I didn’t even want to kiss him or anything. I just wanted to dance, and to smile, and to skate, and to spend all my time with him.

Because he makes me real again.

Derringer Meryl [I hope you had the time of your] Out

Shopping SPREE!

Well today was pay day, and while I didn’t get MUCH, I got what I wanted. (Besides I have to save for Winter Ball!)

Buffy Musical Soundtrack – $2.99

Wool Skirt From EXPRESS – $33.65

Grumpy Slippers – $10.66

Cloth to make my Prom Dress Acceptable – $11.66

Halelujah! I might buy more later, but I’m happy now. I would have been happy with out the stuff, but I’m good all the same. I think I’m going to drag myself into the Comic Shop (the only one around here)

Blah, I’m going to post lyrics for the rest. . . I love Boxcar Racer: There Is

this vacation’s useless

these white pills aren’t kind

i’ve given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive

i missed the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9

and slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights

i’ve given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have

the days have come and gone

our lives when by so fast

i faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor

where i laid and told you but you sweared you loved me more

do you care if i don’t know what to say

will you sleep tonight, or will you think of me

will i shake this off, pretend its all okay

that there’s someone out there who feels just like me

there is

those notes you wrote me

i’ve kept them all

i’ll give a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall

with every single letter in every single word

there will be a hidden message about a boy that loves a girl

do you care if i don’t know what to say

will you sleep tonight, or will you think of me

will i shake this off, pretend its all okay

that there’s someone out there who feels just like me

there is

do you care if i don’t know what to say

will you sleep tonight, or will you think of me

will i shake this off, pretend its all okay

that there’s someone out there who feels just like me

do you care if i don’t know what to say

will you sleep tonight, or will you think of me

will i shake this off, pretend its all okay

that there’s someone out there who feels just like me

there is

I don’t know– Is there?

Derringer Meryl [Give me something to sing about] Out

I heard this song, when having a particularly bad day at school, at life for that matter, and It made me all better.

^_^ Thanks to You Good Charlotte, and my ever so cute Chenny Bunny

Yeh, this song is dedicated,To every kid who ever got picked last in Gym class. To every kid who never had a date to no school dance. To everyone who’s ever been called a freak This is for you, Here we go!

Like the time in school where we got free lunch,

And the cool kids beat us up(reduced lunch)

And the rich kids had convertibles,

And we had to ride the bus(55)

Like the time we made the baseball team,

But they still laughed at us(you still suck!)

Like the time that girl broke up with me,

Cause I wasn’t cool enough(TRICK!)

Chorus:

Things, things, here we go!

The little things, little things

They always hang around

The little things, little things

They try to break me down

The little things, little things

They just won’t go away

The little things, little things

Made me who I am today

Bridge:

You wanna hate me now

But I won’t stop now

Cause I can’t stop now

Like the time mom went to the institute,

Cause she was breaking down(I just can’t take it)

Like the car we had that wouldn’t start

We had to walk to get around(can I get a ride?)

And that same year on Christmas Eve,

Dad went to the store(uhh….see you guys later)

We checked his room, his things were gone,

We didn’t see him no more(Dick!)

(Chorus)

(Bridge)

(Chorus)

And it always seems those little things,

They take the biggest part of me, break down,

I’m breaking down, I’m breaking down

I got a prom dress. Very classic in black and corset. However I had to sell my soul to my Mother. This may not sound like a bad thing, but here’s something you don’t understand.

My mother believes that I can’t get married on my own (it’s sad that she’s deeming me an old maid at the tender age of 17) so I have to find someone other than HIM to go with (what that really means…. I have next to no choice to whom I’m going with)

Like I said, sad, but the dress was worth it. I’d LOVE to go with HIM but, mom won’t let me….

And i doubt he wants to go to the prom with someone the same age as his sister. It’s sorta sad. Not incredibly, but somewhat. Not enough to cry.

Speaking of crying…. cause I have been, because…. I sorta ran out of some of my pills. . . . so I’m all shakey and what not.

Anyway–

Derringer Meryl [You wanna hate me now but I won’t stop now] Out

Cry me a river

Oh No you didn’t get asked to the prom and now have to go all by yourself, OOOH the embarrassment

Get a life! The prom is so not the end of the world.

Wo as me. Sheesh, drama queen. Pathetic, I mean sure not going bothers me from time to time, but– School is for learning not for mating purposes. But to the normal hormone driven high school student that’s all high school is, a prime place to meet the man/woman of your dreams where upon you’ll get married and live happily ever after.

Yeah right.

The chances of you meeting your significant other in high school is slim. Theeeeen you have to calculate in the probability of you actually staying together long enough to actually be legally married. Not to mention you have to add in the stupidity of guys, and more than likely they just want to use you and leave you.

Not that I would know.

Okay so I do. Sue me.

IT’s not like i’m bitter! I’m really not, I’ve learned my lesson and learned it well, it’s great. I have no more mistakes to make when it comes down to dating. I made them all at once, so I wouldn’t have to make them again.

Plus as an added bonus, I learned from them, spiffy eh?

Derringer Meryl [I know who I want to] Out