Undone

thought i’d get in here before the ten o’clock rush. Ya know, every one realizes how depressed they are at 10 pm GMT. So here i am, a little ahead of schedule, at nine thirty.

whatever, i’m just sitting here, at my computer, slightly confused, a little floundering, and …

floundering in what you say? a sautee of emotions, what else? i’mjust sitting here, slightly confused as to what I’m supposed to do next in life, obviously a better job, since GS pays like jack, not to mention they UNDER pay me…. that’s another post all together. So there’s that– but it’s like– this is my last summer vacation. The last time I’ll ever have to be like– kid-like, and not be called immature. I want to go and do something….. just for fun, with someone who isnt’… (no offense Mom, I love ya) my mom. I want to go and hang out, and just be a kid.

I haven’t had enough opportunities to be a kid. Unfortunately, I’ve burned too many bridges– or didn’t build very good ones in the first place. So, I feel a little lonely, despite the fact i’m also floundering in the warm fuzzies of what could be a new relationship.

*laughs* My boss asks me yesterday “So how are things with you and Monkey?” and I say “Good.”

“Good?” He repeats raising his eyebrows. I knit my eyebrows and say, “Yeah.” he looks confused for a minute.

“Are you guys like dating now?” I become very flustered and paranoid as well as frustrated because the answer is “I don’t know.”

Honest. I have no sort of relationship depth perception. I don’t know, maybe that’s why i screw up so much, even with my friends. If people said what they meant, to the person they meant to say it to, life would be so much more simple.

Like I practice what I preach.

Derringer Meryl [He looks straight ahead] Out