Undone

I know– I’ve been doing some really shibby entries lately– and a lot of lyric spews– but *sighs* this song really speaks to me. So lyric spew, is what i’m going to do.

it’s me. *shrugs* So here we go– I Wish We Never Met, Kathleen Wilhoite

Disapointment stops by from time to time

to see how im doing

and he came by last night

right after you left

my life in ruin

when i dont get what i want

the spoiled child inside breaks down

kickin, screamin, prayin and dreamin

for a love lost and found

well I wish we never

wish we never

wish we never met

cuz now I’ve got my heart set on you

humiliation asked me out last night

I had nothing else to loose

so it took good kept two loopy drunk had conversations

i couldnt get through

another strangers eyes

were trying desperatly to meet mine

but i look away tabs to pay lines to say

like “how are you” “im doing fine”

ohh but i wish we never

wish we never

wish we never met

cuz now ive got my heart set

i wish we never

wish we never

wish we never met

cuz now ive got my heart set on you

and i dont get what i want

from another strangers eyes

no and i dont get what i want

from another strangers eyes

i wish we never

i wish we never

wish we never met

cuz now ive got my heart set on you

i’m set on you

and despite the fact that this is obviously about a guy and a girl, i still feel this way about most people in my life.

“I wish we never met just because every time we talk, i hurt you. And my heart is set on loving you, even just platonically– and i’m not sure who to put first, you or me.”

Red loved the gift (half of it) that i got her. Still. i feel a little empty inside. And my heart just hurts a little. Because i’ve screwed a lot of things. I’m messed up. I mess things up– and i talk, and i think, and i want to turn it all off. I wish–

I wish i could make it right.

Derringer Meryl [needs to take her meds] out

Since I can’t seem to find any of these on the internet that are actually…. well true, i’m going to make my own– and damn it, I work with guys, I grew up with guys, and i live with two of them, and one of my best friends is a guy. This is a generalization. I know it’s not true about all guys, but this is my blog… and dang it– I’m goingto be prejudice if I wanna.

TOP TEN REASONS GUYS SUCK

10- They think with their penis. I know it, you know it, they know it.

9- They NEVER call when they say they will. Ever.

8- They seem to think all women, no matter age or culture, are the same.

7- They Believe the most pain anyone could ever experience is being kicked in the nuts. Try having cramps for several days at a time, Jerk wads.

6- They believe that all you (being a woman) are is another fish in the sea.

5- If you watch, you can catch them focusing a little too closely on their “goals”.

4- They’re the ones who make women feel like they have to look pretty all of the time.

3- All the good ones are either taken, gay, or extremely inhibited.

2- Too many of them think all women are good for is having babies.

1- When was the last time a guy had to bleed from the crotch once a month? Right. THat’s what i thought.

And so I say, no offense to my guy friends, but your gender, sucks ass. Not your fault all of the time, but sometimes, it is.

BTW, I just got a call, I’m in for HUGE interview, huzzah! and I’m hoping i get it, because DAMN Do i need the money….

Derringer Meryl [Angery and Happy] Out

Today. Really really really really (times another fifty thousand)

SUCKS.

I’m tired, i’ve been inked, and honestly i feel like the world is out to get me. I’m a walking bundle of nerves. *frowns*

I just — I’m still new at this just being friends thing. It’s hard for me, not to mention i’ve never done it before, just because the other person was well… in the previous case, a jackass. *shrugs*

Right now, I’d like to stab myself in the eye with knitting needles.

Derringer Meryl Out

Been a bit of a day. Good and bad, ambivalent all together.

First I went to therapy. that was a hoot and a hollar, and despite how stupid it sounds, I swear that my therapist is mad at me. *blinks* I don’t know. All I know is that it seems to me that every time i open my mouth i offend or upset someone.

Makes me want to take a vow of silence, or I would feel that way if i felt i could actually keep it. *shrugs* i’m just no good at the being quiet thing. Ic an be. Just not all the time.

Then after that I went shopping. Of course I went shopping, I mean, C’mon. I feel like ever single human relation i’ve ever had on the earth is upset and horridly angry with me. Call it a guilt complex, but I need some shopping goodness to feel better. I got a new shirt (it’s one that my Bro wanted, so I laugh in his face….) it says “Talk nerdy to me…” and unfortunately it’s plastered right across my chest. *makes a face* I guess it just gives guys a reason to stare…. “I was just reading your shirt…”

Which reminds me…. *sniggers* no, I think that goes in my personal Journal. Also at the Hot Topic (notice the “THE” in front of Hot Topic. It’s a southern thing. I’m not from the south, but we have enough people around here who could make us the second south.) I got a happy Bunny Journal it says “Let’s take Notes on the people who piss us off.”

Oh. I will.

And I basically frittered away my entire day. But hey, it was a fun frittering.

I wonder — if i get to do nails today…. *shrugs* Eh, I need to go find some more pictures for my Journal.

Ta!

Derringer Meryl [i own a voodoo doll] out

So– Yeah. I should/might explain about that last entry. Other than the fun fun fun lyric spew (which is fairly self explainitory….) the whole James Bond thing. Well. *sighs*

Lately i feel like i’ve been sneaking around my house, hell, around my life. I’m constantly in a fight with someone (serious, if it isn’t red, it’s someone.) and the choices i wish i could make in life, i can’t because my parentals would flip.

I know that some people out there in reader-land don’t know why i care if my parents flip, in fact that’s the basis of many people’s choice in life. (ie: “Will my parents flip? Yes? Okay, i’m doing it.”) See I’m the opposite. I like to make my parents happy. They have spent unknown amounts of money and time on me, and how could i turn my back on all they’ve given me? I know that sounds weird, and what not, but trust me it makes sense to me.

And part of me just wants to do whatever the hell I want. Just to break away and say “Hey I’m going to be a booth bunny for the fhqwhgads company, so I’ll see you in … a while.” and just take off for a while. I’d like to move in with Monkey, in a pure helping his month to month payment on the house go down type of way. *frowns* But for some silly reason what my parents think matters to me, and I guess it’s just going to be that way.

Bugs Red to death. That I worry about what they think, and that I care.

Blah. Back to the sneaking. I left one of my conversation windows open an my mom read it. It was strictly between me and Red…. *frowns* I was hurt. I feel a little violated. I mean, that was… just not right.

Makes you wonder why I care what they think, doesn’t it?

Derringer Meryl [Pondering Something] Out