Undone

So– Yeah. I should/might explain about that last entry. Other than the fun fun fun lyric spew (which is fairly self explainitory….) the whole James Bond thing. Well. *sighs*

Lately i feel like i’ve been sneaking around my house, hell, around my life. I’m constantly in a fight with someone (serious, if it isn’t red, it’s someone.) and the choices i wish i could make in life, i can’t because my parentals would flip.

I know that some people out there in reader-land don’t know why i care if my parents flip, in fact that’s the basis of many people’s choice in life. (ie: “Will my parents flip? Yes? Okay, i’m doing it.”) See I’m the opposite. I like to make my parents happy. They have spent unknown amounts of money and time on me, and how could i turn my back on all they’ve given me? I know that sounds weird, and what not, but trust me it makes sense to me.

And part of me just wants to do whatever the hell I want. Just to break away and say “Hey I’m going to be a booth bunny for the fhqwhgads company, so I’ll see you in … a while.” and just take off for a while. I’d like to move in with Monkey, in a pure helping his month to month payment on the house go down type of way. *frowns* But for some silly reason what my parents think matters to me, and I guess it’s just going to be that way.

Bugs Red to death. That I worry about what they think, and that I care.

Blah. Back to the sneaking. I left one of my conversation windows open an my mom read it. It was strictly between me and Red…. *frowns* I was hurt. I feel a little violated. I mean, that was… just not right.

Makes you wonder why I care what they think, doesn’t it?

Derringer Meryl [Pondering Something] Out