Undone

The mouth is a unique part of the body. Its amazing how as a child we use it to explore things around us, and …. how even when we do not know how to ‘effectively’ communicate with others, it still works wonders.

Now at the age of eighteen, i wonder how to make it stop. For some unknown reason I spew all of my thoughts without even knowing it…. Like i black out and the mouth has control of my body and it says…. whatever it WANTS TO!

That leads us to the my thoughts on the Id. The Id sucks ass. and for some reason, my ego and super ego are no longer doing anything, it’s like they went on vacation!

and see, that may not seem like a dangerous thing ever, but people tell me stuff, I know stuff about myself, that i can’t seem to keep in. Random people who dont’ care about me whatsoever know things about me that others dont’, and they probably shouldn’t.

and Yeah. I mean, there’s a guy that works with Marco… I think his name is Sean, or something, but, he knows just as much about me as Marco does now. I think. Well pretty damn close.

Anyway. My mum says I can’t hang overnight at Red’s anymore. i think I’m old enough to make my own damn choices. I mean– if i want to hang at my friends house, with MY Friends, it’s my deal. Me. My choice. Red doesn’t control me, anything she’s mad about was my IDEA, I pushed it. Me.

Hello! Is there a world of ME in the choices i make. Maybe I am self involved. But HELL! Who isn’t? *Mumbles* Mum says I have no conscience… maybe it’s because i’ve never been in a situation scary enough to have to make a choice. Every thing is premade, already done, and I’m never faced with anything hard.

Sure, there’s the whole “Should I go to college, or not and get thrown out?” thing…. but no one in this house has the motzaballs to throw me out.

I just want to get AWAY! Because i can’t stand it here anymore. >_<;; I’m just so tired of all the running around and the chasing….

and OMG If I hear ONE More thing about me going to the singles ward so I can find a FINE upstanding Young man. . . .

I don’t want the Seminary President. I don’t want a guy who is going to smother me for the rest of my life with verses, and parables.

I want a guy who loves God, Like me, and loves me.

because i find that more important than if he went on a mission or not…. because i’m a sap who believes that true love will triumph over most anything… excluding infidelity.

Derringer Meryl [starry-eyed] Out

Since I can’t seem to find any of these on the internet that are actually…. well true, i’m going to make my own– and damn it, I work with guys, I grew up with guys, and i live with two of them, and one of my best friends is a guy. This is a generalization. I know it’s not true about all guys, but this is my blog… and dang it– I’m goingto be prejudice if I wanna.

TOP TEN REASONS GUYS SUCK

10- They think with their penis. I know it, you know it, they know it.

9- They NEVER call when they say they will. Ever.

8- They seem to think all women, no matter age or culture, are the same.

7- They Believe the most pain anyone could ever experience is being kicked in the nuts. Try having cramps for several days at a time, Jerk wads.

6- They believe that all you (being a woman) are is another fish in the sea.

5- If you watch, you can catch them focusing a little too closely on their “goals”.

4- They’re the ones who make women feel like they have to look pretty all of the time.

3- All the good ones are either taken, gay, or extremely inhibited.

2- Too many of them think all women are good for is having babies.

1- When was the last time a guy had to bleed from the crotch once a month? Right. THat’s what i thought.

And so I say, no offense to my guy friends, but your gender, sucks ass. Not your fault all of the time, but sometimes, it is.

BTW, I just got a call, I’m in for HUGE interview, huzzah! and I’m hoping i get it, because DAMN Do i need the money….

Derringer Meryl [Angery and Happy] Out

Mom said she didn’t want me to have an online diary anymore. I decided to live in on the edge. No more living in fear

Tuesdays With Morrie did that to me. I’m tired of living the dark. I want to live life to it’s fullest… feel every emotion, and live it….

and let go.

That’s all I want. That’s all.

It’s not hard.

What was hard is the fact I had to tell my boss last night that I had a crush on ‘HIM’ Not my boss… but you know, the guy I have a crush on who I vy to remain nameless on the net. It’s super hard.

But today– I only thought of him as a jerk who was a jerk…

jerk JERK jerk

That’s all I said, to myself any way, and suffered in silence because I knew the truth.

Adorable Trustworthy handsome

I can’t keep but thinking about him. I can’t help it. It’s horrible.

bad Me

bad lama

Derringer Meryl out