The one thing I never thought I’d miss

Sorry for the lack of… saying things. I say things, but recently they’ve been really short and choppy, and i’m sorry for that.

It’s really a bad habit, But i’m guessing frequent short updates are better than none at all, like some people have obviously become in favor of….. *smiles* Interesting. I have a debate Tourny tomorrow, so don’t expect me to actually…. update on here or anything.

I’m taking my dragon notebook, which i have now unofficially deemed my “random romantic/fanfiction thoughts” notebook, because honestly, it’s gonna be a month or two *cough, year, cough* before I actually get done with the notebook i’m using for my journal now. When i need to voice my thoughts i usually do it here, unless it’s something really volatile, and i just need to get it out, and not offend. *nods*

See, I’m a firm believer in the fact that sometimes people say, or even just think, things they don’t really mean. The prime example would have to be “I hate you (insert name here)” I know this from personal experience. I’ve only hated two people in my entire life. My first boyfriend, and Al Gore. (Al Gore is just a running joke, i don’t really hate him. I’m not politic-y enough to care.) Which i might add is why I should judge Impomptu tomorrow and not… uh– what ever it is that’s all politic involved. I don’t do that well. I’m a pop culture girl. Not Current Events girl.

Which might be why I’m more of a diva than anything. *smiles* I know more about biology than I do government, and I know more about the latest diets and their effects on the body than I do left wing beliefs. In fact, I’m not sure what left wing is. I’m sure The Specialist is ashamed, because he knows everything.

I’ve come to learn that everyone (but me, which makes me nobody…) knows stuff about government. See, the thing is, most people pretend to know stuff, and they make it up and sound really impressive. I, don’t. I can’t. I don’t know stuff to make up, and I’m not very good at lying. I joke, I can do sarcasm. I don’t lie. *shrugs* It’s a gift from God. I promise you in the long run, being lousy at lying, is a good thing. 🙂

Debate Tourny. I’m going to be better than all of those lousy judges I ever had. I hate them. THey all sucked. They all hated me, and i have no idea why. Though I can guess why, want to hear? I knew you did! I didn’t suck up, I didn’t dress like a slut, I didn’t try to appeal to their conservative ways– i went for the laughs. How could I not? So maybe they didn’t get my jokes, since they were in their thirties and fourties. So what? I had fun. I got a really nice thing to put on my College Apps…. and I was social. It was some kind of law. You pack fifteen or so kids on a bus, and they talk, and sometimes they fight. Most of the time they fight.

I can’t tell you the number of times I got called a bitch (with various words to accentuate it) but I can tell you that most of the time it was from my own team. I didn’t fit in there either. I was too religious. I was too strict. and I didn’t take a stand on politics. *shrugs* I’m liberal, I guess. I don’t know. If i knew, then i’d be informed, and I’m not, as we’ve already covered.

*nods* I’m going shopping/stalking with Sakura after the tourny is over though. So that makes me happy! Even though I don’t have any money, it’s still fun to window shop! 🙂

Anyway, i better go and sleep. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Excited, oddly] Out

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Uh– Wow

Things are getting interesting around here.

My Friend, whom I’ve known since the first grade, came to visit for the weekend. I was happy. She’s a great girl, but I was crabby because …. well that’s the confusing part. I’ve been super angry this … uhh … well for a while. It was fun to have her around. Went to debate, and she got to watch me lose, AGAIN! Suprise!

Lets see… i suppose I could talk about my friend. Not the one who came and visited for the weekend. My friend who took me to the dance. I don’t know if he comes here to read my journals any more…. but….

This is the man

That I plan to entangle

Isn’t he fine?

My claim to fame

Was to maim and to mangle

Vengeance was mine

But I’m out of the biz

The name I made I’ll trade for his

The only trouble is…

I’ll never tell

I don’t plan to marry him. Honest. I”m just saying he’s a great guy– and that’s what I can never say, because the words get caught in my throat, because when I get around him, I just play with my hair, and I turn into Meryl, the wonder ditz. That’s what makes me feel bad, and because i’m nervous, he thinks he’s being a bad date, and what not. But no, it’s just him. He’s so good, and he’s so…. I mean….


He’s really WOW worthy, trust me. And so i have to just sit around totally dumb and mute because I can’t express to him how truely great he is. I mean— really. WOW. It’s like there isn’t even a word that explains how great he is. How he just can make you smile by being there, how it makes your cheeks hurt because you’re having such a wonderful time.

I just can’t say it.

I don’t know why I”m on the Debate team, I can’t speak. Words have escaped me. Gone.

Derringer Meryl [Muted] Out

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