Undone

Before we start: When I say Christmas, I don’t mean “Jesus’s Birthday” or “Santa Present day” In specific. I mean the time of year. Not a religious connotation necessarily, and I don’t mean necessarily not. When I say it, infer what you will. But overtly, the following discussion is NOT about religion.

I don’t have anything against Christmas, so that’s not what I mean by beef. I simply couldn’t think of any other way to say it. I have Christmas Issues, but they are not all bad. I love that time of year, even though my love of it turns me into a raging hosebeast. I think though, IMO starting Thanksgiving day on, It is a magical time of year. And despite life sucking just as much at that time of year as it does any OTHER time of year, it’s SO much fun, to lose yourself in the magic of Christmas. It can be hard to f ind it as an adult, but if I can, and sometimes I can’t. I hold on like It’s the last gold nugget in all of freakin california.

Life isn’t always magical, but you can make Christmas Magical (I’m sure the same can be said of Hanukkah and other Winter time activities) There are lights strung in trees and on houses. And instead of thinking “God they are so tacky” You think it’s beautiful, and delightful.

Also. I am a tradition hound. I suppose though it could be read a lot of different ways. I will once again let you infer what you will. I love to celebrate the holidays and traditions are important to me. I like the repetition and the social climate…. though this year I better get me on some mood altering drugs, because i have been an outright brat this year. I feel bratty. Anyway…

Lately though, in all. I have been on top of Christmas stuff, and other things I just feel like saying “Eh whatever” to. Even I, the most annoying of little sisters, get tired of pestering people and asking and coordinating. At my age, I have discovered that after many years of being in charge, if someone else wants it done, they can do it their own damn selves. Sure it would be nice to do, but if it’s important to them, it will happen. I think though, for many years that’s what I’ve been afraid of. That I am not important enough to people. That somehow that it means people don’t love me. Maybe I’m secure enough to say, it doesn’t matter if you don’t love me, or maybe I’m mature enough to say “I know you love me anyway.” Either way, I’m a little less into pushing… sometimes.

Wouldn’t you try to recapture the innocence of childhood, even if it were for just a night, or a moment.

I am up to no good.

As usual.

Life has been solid and boring. Our new roof and a/c make life worth living though. Scott took me on a SURPRISE date to Captain America and a YUMMY dinner at Texas Roadhouse. On the way to which our tire exploded. Or just went flat. Whatever, we’re glad we’re safe and have good friends to giggle with on the phone when we call for help. Our tire got stuck on the … uh, thing there, and it wouldn’t come off, I called DQ as her husband is a car genius, and they happened to be passing by where we were. Scott was so frustrated he started kicking the tire which eventually loosened the rust from the wheel and we finally got the spare on. Luckily DQ and her Mechanic hubby didn’t have to stop to help us, but I heard them as they passed! 🙂 Thanks to them for being willing to stop and help! PS: When it comes to changing a tire, I’d rather do it in the heat than in the snow. Point 1 for summer. I got to side road navigate us up to South Towne so we could go to dinner, and buy me a new shirt. We got to the theatre early, which was good. I chatted with another girl who was going in momentarily and overall focused on not having a panic attack at the general amount of people in the room. I don’t know why large crowds make me nervous. It is Unreasonable, and I hate it, but It’s usually a matter of people being close enough to touch me. I don’t like random people touching me. NO TOUCHIE! Anyway, we had a good night, and I’m fairly sure I was going to have food triplets! GEEZY.

I have stalled on my Futurama quilt. I really need to buckle down and get it done. REALLY REALLY. I am not doing so well at that though. Every night after the girls go to bed, I think about it. But I never DO it. I need to. I am in this weird funk of “I want do that, but I don’t want to do all the stuff that comes with it.” Like I want to quilt, but I don’t want to get the quilt out and the thread, and the scissors, and then put it all away when I’m done. Also– I thought I knew how to make binding, but I’m thinking I was wrong. I haven’t cut into any of my fabric yet, Luckily, but I’ll definitely need to at some point. (adoi) I’ll probably watch a bunch of youtube videos or something. Hopefully I can get Katie’s quilt done before September. I just have Leela’s face and the space ship left. (PLANET EXPRESS!)

I do often dream of the day  that I no longer work any more. At least outside of the home. I don’t imagine being at home every day is a picnic, but it’s gotta be better than being at work and trying to manage a home and all the things that go a long with it. I am tired of doing too much. Working and managing a house is impossible. I’m not going to think about it– I have dishes that need done, et al, and I can’t think about it when I have a full docket today anyway.

I’m excited for Christmas. NOW NOW! Before y ou throw your arms in the air and say “MERYL REALLY!? It’s not even August yet!!” I say, this is the first job where I get a christmas Bonus. FOR ONE, and for another, I will be instigating the Family Christmas present of Disneyland again this year. I liked it the best. It’s really pretty much the same price. I like it better. I like going some place and relaxing. Not caring, and just taking a week, to chill and be happy in California. I am looking forward to it. It will be a bit more expensive, now that Katie is old enough to get a ticket, but it will also be more FUN. Two princess dresses to wear, two kids to squeal over princesses, TWICE AS MUCH!! And Beignets. OH YES! I must start dieting now. I MUST, to lose weight in time for the trip, so I can buy some new clothes! (haha) Dieting so i can gain it all back in Disneyland! We’re planning on going in March next year. I’m Excited. Can you tell? really really really really REALLY excited.

Derringer Meryl [WHEE!] out