Undone

Before we start: When I say Christmas, I don’t mean “Jesus’s Birthday” or “Santa Present day” In specific. I mean the time of year. Not a religious connotation necessarily, and I don’t mean necessarily not. When I say it, infer what you will. But overtly, the following discussion is NOT about religion.

I don’t have anything against Christmas, so that’s not what I mean by beef. I simply couldn’t think of any other way to say it. I have Christmas Issues, but they are not all bad. I love that time of year, even though my love of it turns me into a raging hosebeast. I think though, IMO starting Thanksgiving day on, It is a magical time of year. And despite life sucking just as much at that time of year as it does any OTHER time of year, it’s SO much fun, to lose yourself in the magic of Christmas. It can be hard to f ind it as an adult, but if I can, and sometimes I can’t. I hold on like It’s the last gold nugget in all of freakin california.

Life isn’t always magical, but you can make Christmas Magical (I’m sure the same can be said of Hanukkah and other Winter time activities) There are lights strung in trees and on houses. And instead of thinking “God they are so tacky” You think it’s beautiful, and delightful.

Also. I am a tradition hound. I suppose though it could be read a lot of different ways. I will once again let you infer what you will. I love to celebrate the holidays and traditions are important to me. I like the repetition and the social climate…. though this year I better get me on some mood altering drugs, because i have been an outright brat this year. I feel bratty. Anyway…

Lately though, in all. I have been on top of Christmas stuff, and other things I just feel like saying “Eh whatever” to. Even I, the most annoying of little sisters, get tired of pestering people and asking and coordinating. At my age, I have discovered that after many years of being in charge, if someone else wants it done, they can do it their own damn selves. Sure it would be nice to do, but if it’s important to them, it will happen. I think though, for many years that’s what I’ve been afraid of. That I am not important enough to people. That somehow that it means people don’t love me. Maybe I’m secure enough to say, it doesn’t matter if you don’t love me, or maybe I’m mature enough to say “I know you love me anyway.” Either way, I’m a little less into pushing… sometimes.

Wouldn’t you try to recapture the innocence of childhood, even if it were for just a night, or a moment.