Undone

It’s been a bit, hasn’t it? I’ll cover from saturday forward, because– well, that’s the day I remember Last.

I stayed up really late on friday, so waking up on Saturday was hard, but I did it. I did my best to get my homework done…. but i’m a pretty easily distracted person when it comes to homework stuffages. I got most of one of my assignments done, and touched on my essay (draft one due today, not done) i got called into work, I wasn’t exactly thrilled with that. I got home and Care Bear, Scott, and I went down to D&D.

Now, as a precursor to the following, I realize that this was all me. I’m pretty sensitive to moods and stuff, and I mean ….. well, really really sensitive, that’s what I mean. Anyway, i felt like the mojo was off. I asked Scott about it, and he said everything felt normal to him. I can’t quite place it. It seems like something was missing, or something. I was very distracted all night too. *blush* Scott was playing very well too. I’m just not good at all that tactical stuff yet. It’s the same as my basic attack in video games, i’m a hack and slash. I don’t know all the cool moves, and I might never know them…. I just do what seems effective. Anyway, the big deal to me was that it seemed like the mojo was off.

Then I went with Care Bear to her Dorm, and stayed the night there. It was the shortest goodnight ever for Scott and I’s record book. It felt weird. Accompanied by the thoughts of “I can’t wait until we don’t have to say good bye llke this!” Care Bear and I talked until really late (catching up…)

On Sunday Scott fell asleep after I woke him up to come get me. So, we got to listen to some of Conference in the car… 🙂 It was good. I enjoyed conference. Lots about the family. Lots focusing on the duties of married people. I found it to apply greatly to me. Nothing much of consequence happened. I made Scott take a nap, because he was freaky exhausted from the week of staying up late. I know how that is. I feel like I could sleep through everything. *sighs* But alas, I have homework out the wazoo. I got to hang out a lot with Scott’s sisters, which i thought was neat. I love hanging out with Scott’s friends and family. I find that I’m getting to be less Shy Meryl, and more Normal Meryl… which is nice. I don’t particularly like being shy, i just sorta get… well, would it be silly to say …. stage fright? Cause that’s as close as I can think. Everyone is watching you. Wants to know more about you, and I’m just sitting there thinking “What should I say, should I say anything?” and now, Happily, some of that stuff has gone away. Sitting at dinner with Scott’s family is just like sitting to dinner with mine.

Scott Drove me home, he inquired about my mellow mood, and I brought something up, I dont’ really like to bring up…. my exes. I hate talking about them– but I realize that they are part of who I am now. In a way. Each of them (well, okay, a few of them) have changed my life, and Scott should know that they had a role in that. I don’t particularly like to talk about them simply because if Scott ever feels the way I feel about his exes… well, then it’s not his favorite topic either. But I had a few epiphanies about my dating history, and I thought i should share it with him. Then Scott and I covered some pressing details– and then he left, feeling a whole lot better than when he came. 🙂 I’m glad.

Anyway. I have to head to school. Maybe i can cover emotional aspects of this (like do my normal “I feel this way about that.” stuff) later on. Basically, my hands are tied in homework, so maybe not.

Derringer Meryl [Hecktic Homework Rush] Out

I’ve been collecting lyrics like these for a while. My lyrics stash is getting pretty huge (186 files of lyrics, some of them are just one lyrics orgy type thing. It makes me smile)

I love lyrics. They’re poetry to music. I love that.

I love this:

Your best friend I’ve come to be

Please don’t think of getting up for me

You don’t even need to speak

When I’ve been here for just one day

You’ll already miss me if I go away

So close the blinds and shut the door

You won’t need other friends anymore

Oh don’t leave home, oh don’t leave home

If you’re cold I’ll keep you warm

If you’re low just hold on

Cause I will be your safety

Oh don’t leave home

😉 I love this song. I also fell in love with Maroon5’s sweetest goodbye. It’s a goodie. Look it up. You’d like it too, I’m sure.

You want to know what i find freaky? All of my boyfriends (and now my fiance) that have had cars (mode of transportation), have had red ones, and wicked good stereos. Also a fetish with keeping their car nice. (Scott doesn’t have that issue so much, but he likes to keep it clean, but he’s not a freak about it) I’ve dated mostly people born in J months (January, June, July) Considering full names I have the statistic that they usually have an M or J in them. (Scott Michael) I like middle of the month or end of the month birthdays when it comes to all of my guys.

Am I freak for realizing all of this? I just find it quirky and interesting…. and I’m bored out of my skull waiting for Scott to get home.

Derringer Meryl [Music Freak] Out

I’m going to admit to my greatest phobia ever, right here, on my blog, in front of the entire Internet, and God and everyone.

I’m deeply afraid of needles.

A few things prompted this little revelation tonight (for you, not for me, I’ve known it for a while) First off, Scott wanted me to watch him put his insulin pump in, and learn so I can (if I needed to) put it in for him. He says it’s easier than me dragging him to the hospital in case something happened. It’s true… but there’s that fear of needles thing there. Not real comfortable with the idea of ramming a foreign metal object into the person I love’s body.

But I suppose it would be for the greater good. *yawns*

Secondly, the sheer excruciating pain my foot is in. I’m serious. Imagine this…. you have two layers of skin that are alive. The dermis and the epidermis (the epidermis is the outer layer) well in order for my treatment to be effective, I have to wear down the skin down to the dermis– where it’s raw and tender. First consider that the skin on the bottom of the human foot is very thick, simply because it is the foot. Add to that the fact that these little precious warts are on the ball of my foot (where most of the pressure is) and it makes standing up very uncomfortable… as well as walking. I’ve been walking with a limp lately (just a slight one, especially on stairs) because of the raw pain. My little lovelies (for those who care) span about one inch lengthwise and a half an inch wide tapering off towards the heel.

I hate them. I HATE THEM *SO* MUCH!!!

Anyway. Scott came over, and we watched Uptown Girls and Strange Brew. I thought Uptown Girls was kinda touching. In an odd reverse kind of way. I teared up a little… It wasn’t the best movie ever, and yes, Britney Murphy is a corpse… and a novelty–

I had problems staying awake during strange brew. I’m sure it was very funny… but i have to admit, I wasn’t paying much attention. I just get kinda distracted around Scott. *sighs* I need to do my homework. Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow?

P.S. Happy Church in your Pajamas!

Derringer Meryl [Happy Confrence Weekend]

So I’ve been sucking uberly at updating more often. I don’t know what it was about THIS week, but it killed me. It’s getting hard to go to all of my classes (icky classes) but I keep in mind that I only have about eighteen more days, and I’m okay. (wahoo!)

I went only to my psychology class today, I was simply exhausted when I woke up this morning, and i’m not really sure why. *shrugs* So i pretty much stayed home and slept until around eleven-thirty and then we had to take dax to class (silly boy) and I went with my mom while she picked out stuff for Scott and I’s wedding quilt. (the blue hand embroidered one) I was really exhausted, and slept in the car too.

I went to pick up some boxes from Animeboi’s store (he’s also known as Miroku for his lecherous tendencies) As I was leaving he touched my arm. My mom made a big deal about it (in a joking kind of manner) and asked if I was going to tell Scott. (Which I did by the way) I brushed it off. He had his chance at me (He did too) and passed it up. Now I’m off limits and he seems interested. 😛 Boys are stupid…. all of them except for Scott.

I played my practical joke on Scott tonight (I spent all day thinking about it) I told him my ring went down the drain… Yeah. So it wasn’t as ‘neat’ as his was, but dang it, I had only a little time to work with, and a very cynical person TO work with. So, yeah. He said I got him a little bit. (Only a little) but he hasn’t been gotten in a while, so it was okay. I pulled my ring back out (it was in the ring box) and put it on. It’s been causing a bit of grief, as it enjoys stabbing Scott and I to no end.

Scott’s best friend, (who I do believe NEEDS a nickname) and his best friend’s girlfriend came over tonight to hang out. It’s not like we talked (the four of us) really. it was cuddlesville on the couch (me and Scott) and makeout-town on the recliner.

I don’t know. I’m not into huge pda’s. I love kissing Scott, but right now, I’m not super comfortable with kissing him in front of peoples. *thinks* good grief, how to explain this? I’m a pretty private person. That’s why I talk quiet (and everyone has to ask twelve times what I say) and I’m pretty shy. I think i’ll be better after we’re married. *shrugs* i can’t really say. Also, I’m with Scott on the whole Don’t want to make out and ignore our friends type thing. (Not that my friends come around too often… but the concept) Besides, i like cuddling, I like it a lot. I remember when I was younger, i was always giving hugs. The specialist can recount that. I was always stuck about his waist giving him a hug. Of course that was undeniably lame for him, considering he was in High School, and trying to be the uber cool. I think that sorta broke me of my hugging tendencies. (Along with the years of TV conditioning “Boys don’t like clingy girls.”) Now it’s so nice to hug someone and just… hold on.

Anyway. I have so much to do, and so little time to do it in…. I better go read and soak and what not. 😀

Derringer Meryl [My Pocky Seduced you?] Out

Happy April Fools, everyone. Scott already pulled his trick on me. *sighs* I don’t think it was very funny, but that’s probably because I”m such a worry wart.

he faked fainting after complaining (not necessarily the right word here) about being light headed all night. And BOOM he just collapsed while we were standing by the door…. I really freaked. Scott’s a diabetic. And I can pretend i know stuff about it, but I’m really a flying ignorami. I know it means you can’t eat some of the stuff I love to eat … and i know it means that he has to wear an insulin pump, and his sugars can’t get too low, or too high.

This whole fainting thing could have possibly fallen into the whole “unknown about diabetes” area. Especially since my mom has it, but it might as well be an entirely different disease because hers is type two– *sighs*

Scott commented that it looked like my face was thinner. He also picked me up and said it felt like I had lost weight. I find that interesting because I’ve been eating more lately than I used to. I gained five back of the origninal ten I lost (when we first got engaged at the beginning of the month) So i’m not lighter really. He’s very concerned about me eating. Not eating enough– but honestly, I pig out, he’s just not here to see it. (He’ll get to though, with us being married and all…) I ate like a ton today (ton = three meals) which is really abnormal for me. I’m more of a light snacker. It’s really… weird.

Anyway, my brain was just running through what i have to do for class tomorrow, and ran across the fact that I have a presentation in psychology that i havent’ even cracked the book for. :-S

What a welcome distraction Scott is. :”>

Derringer Meryl [It feels just like i’m falling for the first time] Out