Undone

I passed!

i wish i could show you all the official everything about me passing my Math class, but unfortunately, i’d give too much info about myself away! *laughs maniacally*

Yes, I passed my Math 101 class with flying freakin’ colors (otherwise known as a B)

Isn’t that amazing? I’m so excited….

I was talking with monkey tonight (technically the eighteenth) and we were talking about the Holidays and Gert’s sudden mood swings. I honestly think it’s because he’s romantically alone for the holidays. (Though honestly– he COULD be otherwise, but he’s just too dang stubborn for his own good. Ya know?) Monkey says it’s no fun being alone for the holidays– but I honestly have to disagree.

I’ve always been Happy at Christmas time (i’m Christian, I celebrate Christmas, so… there.) It’s my birthday (ish, a few days after Christmas) and it’s Christmas. Sure, I’ve never had a relationship like Gert has at Christmas, so i cant’ miss what i never had…. but– It’s just the way– *shrugs* I don’t know how to explain it– Christmas to me is about being a kid. Feeling like a kid. And when you’re involved in a relationship– that doesn’t promote kid like things. There’s serious things. Like commitment and Love and … devotion. I guess adults make those kind of things complicated. So maybe love is better at Christmas time. I don’t know.

Honest. I’ve only experience unrequited love at Christmas, so i wouldnt’ know.

But Since people seem to need some cheering up around this time of year, let me leave you with this: SakuraSaku Roughly Translated it’s “Cherry Blossom Blooming”

On the roof, looking at the sky, the sun’s light is warm and gentle

When I look at the sky my entire body is filled with energy

THAT’S SO WONDERFUL! I am living

I can’t quit it! I can’t give up

Good bye to the bewildered yesterday

My feelings are springing up

I can bring them up many times, let a flower blossom

Memories are sweet hiding places

Live to see another day

One day a blessing will come, Stretch out your hands

The sunlight that swims the sky over the roof is glorious

When I look up at the sky, happiness is filled throughout my body

THAT’S SO WONDERFUL! I am living

I can’t quit it! I can’t give up

Daily life is like an angry wave

A cycle of heaven and hell

I can bring it up many times, let a flower blossom

Run, run until you find love

If I was to suffer, let it continue

One day a blessing will come, Stretch out your hands

Good bye to the bewildered yesterday

My feelings are springing up

I can bring them up many times, let a flower blossom

Memories are sweet hiding places

Live to see another day

One day a blessing will come, Stretch out your hands

Stretch out your hands, Rise up both your hands!

I have that hanging over my bed here at home. 🙂 It helps me calm down when I’m all grump-i-ed out. I’m planning on giving it to Gert for Christmas with his present. :S I hope he understands.

Derringer Meryl [Memories are sweet Hiding places]

Antigone’s (that’s the Specialist’s Wife) blog is closed down now. It makes me sad, I really enjoyed reading it– But when her mind is set, it’s set, i guess.

Her writing seemed honest and extremely…. *thinks of the word* insightful. She works now, and so consequently they dont’ come down to visit so much anymore unless it’s a holiday. *nods* So it was nice being able to read what was going on, and learning more things about her. My mom always says “A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is your daughter all of your life” Cute isn’t it? Well– the cute little saying pretty much amounts to the fact that my brother is my brother until he gets married. Not that my brothers and i were SO tight before that. Dating takes care of that.

Which is why i vowed i wouldn’t forget my friends when i began to date. Loosing myself in another person …. is dangerous… as well as very hurtful to those around you.

But I’ve vented about that kind of stuff before– today I’m going to focus a little bit more on Antigone. I was informed, that i was rude to her. Meh, that sounds wrong. I probably was. I was too old for how young i was acting. Ya see, despite what it should be, I was extremely close (in my opinion) to the Specialist. I stole his style, and his clothes, and (even now, to some extent) I want to be just like him. I wanted Antigone to be my sister-in-law, but as soon as they got engaged, (even before that, but i suppose I didnt notice as much) the Specialist stopped spending so much time with his lousy sibs… and I suppose i latently blamed Antigone…. i shouldn’t have, and i see that now. Maybe that’s how people got the vibe I was being rude?? I dont’ know. Maybe i’m just a really rude person underneath it all…

I apologize to her if I was rude– I was (and i still can be) very immature.

She and I don’t have a lot in common, except our love for Anime. So I found it interesting to read her blog. But I do suppose it was her choice to take it down….

*pats her blog* I love this one too much to take it down.

Derringer Meryl [My Precious] Out

Have I told you i’ve been collecting AMV’s? (For the uneducated, that’s Anime Music Video’s) I love them. I love the emotion that is so easily portrayed when you manipulate a song to a picture. And if a picture is worth a thousand words, think of hundreds (if not more) images moved together, with a singular song in the background. (Sometimes there’s more than one song, but i usually like the singular song playing) I have a ton of them, most of them from Inu Yasha. I find them useful in writing my fanfictions. Which, if you haven’t already, go and read Thoughts of Kagome it’s my newest pride and joy. I’m fairly sure i didn’t make up the writing style and simply stole it from Hemingway…. but hey, every writer has their own flair… right?

Most of the reviewers want me to write from Kagome’s Point of View. I can understand that. It makes sense– but for some reason… i can’t see what she sees. I mean, yes, Inu Yasha is droolably cute, and sweeter than the sweetest guy i’ve met in real life (and not as lecherous as most of the sweet guys…) So … i find it harder to write as her. There is no character to get into… I suppose i relate too well to Kagome to write from her point of view. i can’t look at how she feels objectively. I live it. I still need to understand how to write…. fact…. in a fictional way. I hope my college course helps me with that. *shrugs*

I’m off to roll out another demanded chapter. Soon I hope to write Thoughts of Inu Yasha Though it doesn’t have the same ring to it. Too many syllables.

I don’t hate myself for it, I don’t see why I should, I’m best friends with my co-workers. They’re really my entire social life. That’s that. I don’t find it shameful as Artemis, Gert, Monkey and yes, even the Mouth are some of my closest confidants. It extends even to places I don’t work. Friends of Friends. J-bob, Dateless and so many more I haven’t even given little pet names to.

Then this one guy. I swear he lives to get under my skin. He insinuates that I’m lazy, that I’m lame, and that i’m the uber bitca or something. I’m not. I’m not lame, and I’m not lazy….

nothing at work pisses me off more than being called lazy. NOTHING. You might think i’m too touchy about the whole damn thing, but trust me– I take pride in my job, and that I do the best job that i can. Sure, sometimes I get warts burned off of my feet and I can’t stand quite yet, but i’m still there, trying to do my best, and I point out from across the room that something’s out of place, and this smart mouthed freak tells me i’m lazy. Doesn’t even give a flying rats…. *growls* that i’m in pain because i’m standing.

Then, he feels the need to tell me the flaw in all of my relationships is me. That I’m Lame and no one likes me. He likes to plainly, and painfully illustrate how i’m the downfall of the freakish human race.

and I? I would like to cut his tongue out and sew his mouth shut. No… I’m not bitter. I find that if he can’t do anything productive with the language that God Granted him, he might as well shut up. I might as well aid in that, seeings as how people don’t know when to shut up for their own good. Especially this guy. I hope he dies. I don’t want to aid him in that, but i’m sure he’ll annoy or anger someone until that point. I wouldn’t be suprised if he found himself dead in a ditch one day.

I don’t have enough malice in my heart to wish him dead. I just simply think it wouldn’t be hard to imagine him provoking someone to that point. I’ve decided MY best plan of action is just… crying. I’ll cry and ruin my make up and my entire life, so he can look like a freakish jerk and feel horrid.

I like to think so anyway. I guess everyone isn’t like Inu Yasha. Don’t you wish more guys were?

Derringer Meryl [My Tears] Out

New links up, nice eh? I thought so. *nods* added one for Antigone, who is the specialist’s wife. He calls himself “theorb77” so don’t get all scared, it’s the same person, I just call him something else here. 🙂 cause of the ever so good line from FMP “I’m not an Otaku, I’m a specialist!” which is what he is. He seems like a dork, who thinks he knows everything…. (I’m going to get beat on later for this) but he’s really smart, and does know a lot of things. It’s like he can forsee the future, which makes me wonder if he has some kind of contract with the devil…. heh. I’m so getting bruised tomorrow. Sad….

Tomorrow’s thanksgiving. Which reminds me of my random encounter today at the sev. (Which, for those of you who don’t speak dorkish, is the seven eleven.) This guy, and his mullet wearing child, turn and stare at me, like they’ve never seen someone like me before. Since i’m white, and have brown hair and brown eyes, I honestly Do NOT know how they could NOT have seen someone like me before, but i suppose it’s more of a saying than anything else…. anyway, they stare and nod at me for a few mintues… after debating whether i should tell him to take a picture and turn around — or just be polite, i land of course on the more logical “Be Polite” reaction, and thus smiled back. the Man asked if I was ready for the oncoming holiday. I continued to grin at the idiot who was grinning at me, and responded that I was ready. He said he was going to gain at least five pounds tomorrow. I simply smiled and waited for him to pay for his gas, so I could pay for my hot chocolate.

My mom says he was flirting with me. It seemed to me like a casual, but annoying, conversation, not flirting. Like when my dad starts talking to the clerk at the grocery store, and you can see their smile tighten as he rambles on about the price of broccoli or some such crap.

But, true to retail form, they remain polite.

Which reminds me again, i have work early on Friday. How fun. 🙂 Day after Thanksgiving Massacre, i’m sure it’ll be just as bad at our store. We’re having a sale, buy two used get one free. I’m grateful, maybe we’ll clear out some of the titles that are overflowing our Used sections. We’re ready for Christmas. 🙂 I am. I’m ready to get it over with…. *sighs* I’m SO ready. and of course, three days after Christmas, is my birthday…. Merylmas (Laughs, I think not) and I’ll be happy, and also nineteen. It’s great. It’s funny no matter how old I get, I still feel like a five year old. Great, isn’t it? I thought so *sighs*

I’m still debating with myself what to get people for Christmas. Whether I should be distant and aloof, or tender and warm (also known as OVERLY CLINGY) is totally up in the air. I also found a book today, that I’m not sure if I should get Gert or not. It’s Tony Bennett, Maybe I’ll write Friendjamin an email and ask him what he thinks. *shrugs* and i found a moose that i’m going to get Artemis. 🙂 I’m so happy!

Derringer Meryl [Giddy and confused] Out