Aug
01
2009
1

My Sweet Gigi

Everyone thinks it’s weird that Audrey is Gigi to me… Since Katie and I (and DQ as well) call her Awgee, I think it works. I did like the nickname Ree (see thepioneerwoman.com, she is called Ree) but it could quickly (as my mother pointed out) spin off into Ree-Ree, and I don’t particularly like that.

She is peacefully sleeping in the pack and play next to the computer.

Something I didn’t realize with Katie — newborns are easy. I feed her, I change her. She manages herself other than that fairly well (though she doesn’t like it when I eat spicy food) The main problem with having a second child is the first child. Katie adores Audrey to the tippiest tip of her toes to the tippiest tip of her nose. She loves her all over, however, she doesn’t particularly love sharing attention. She’s not outright mean to Audrey, however Katie is outright mean to me. *sigh* and Scott, and pretty much anyone else she gets in arms length of. Katie just needs more attention. I applaud my mom and dad for being so willing to take her and have her stay with them. It has been helpful, and I got a great day out yesterday from it. I finally got my hair cut and a few other things. I got a new shirt (which I love. I will shop more at that store if I lose more weight) and a teddy bear for Audrey from Great Grandma. I went to lunch with DQ, and even got to go visit a friend of mine who I hadn’t gotten to see in a while. I did take Audrey with me, but with the amount of time we spent away from the house– it’s for the best we did. 🙂

I appreciate greatly everyone who has helped us with easing into Audrey being here. Everyone who brought us food, or presents, or toys for Katie. Everyone who brought food for Scott in the hospital, who came to see is in the hospital.

Audrey is growing well, I’m losing weight well, all is well. I have a whole month of time off left. I’m pleased.

Derringer Meryl [not looking forward] Out

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Jul
20
2009
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I feel weirdly compelled

To post this again. I feel like It screams a sort of forgiveness that is important to remember. To remember for our family, our friends, everyone.

Hate Me, Blue October

It’s easy to give up on people. It’s easy to say “I can’t do this anymore” and walk away. I hear this song from his mother’s point of view. Which you may not hear her at the beginning of the song, but the following message was left for the main singer by his mother… “Hi Justin! This is your mother. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya. See ya! Bye Bye!” Isn’t that like a mom? Even though her son was sick, and he was often hurtful towards her, and self destructive…. she put herself out there. To love him anyway. I feel like I keep repeating myself with this blog sometimes. especially in relation to this song… I wish i could echo any of it’s sentiments accurately.

I know my mom is like his mom. I hope I can be like that too. I know in some small ways I am. I know my mom made sure I took my medicine, made sure I got the help I needed. I know she cried with me (still does) when I feel like I’m breaking apart. I know my mom is there for me. I hope I can be as great as she is. As supportive, as loving.
Derringer Meryl

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Jul
13
2009
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My Mom…

Being a girl myself, I relate (now being a mom twice over) really well to my mom. No offense to my dad, who is great in his own right, I don’t want this blog to sound like my mom is great and my dad didn’t do anything… It’s just that myself, I find myself learning a lot about my mom through being a mom myself. I will always be a parent, but I will never ever be a dad. I just thought I would cushion what I’m about to say– just because I know my dad is awesome too– I just find myself with an increasing respect for my mother.

I had my second daughter a week or so ago. We were in the hospital for a while, my parents (ever so greatly!) took care of Katie for us, and I came home and my mom stayed with us. She made sure we ate well, and often, and that I got water and relaxed. She made sure that Katie got attention, and that I got sleep. I’m sure it wasn’t SUPER de duper fun for her, but I know she did it because she loves me. The way I love my kids. 🙂 And now she’s watching Katie for me at her house (again, both her and my dad) because I still can’t lift her, and snuggle her like I want to… she’s dying for attention and to go outside. Which I can’t do because A) I’m exhausted and B)I don’t want to be mauled by our dog who is just the right size to jump up and hit me in my incision. Ow.

In any case, my mom (as I mentioned at the hospital) is a self sacrificing person. I love her for that. I love her for loving my daughter… I love her for loving me 🙂 Even when I’m not so lovable.

Derringer Meryl [Mom Love] Out

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Jun
24
2009
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Nanna Banana

Don’t ask me about the title.  it popped into my head.  I figured why not.

I am going to be a mom again on July 2. It’s freaky! Only a few more days. I’m scrambling to get some things done. Such as my dishes, get the garbage out, clean house, get some entertaining TV in order (for Katie or me, either one.) I’m kind of worried about Katie’s reaction. She has been increasingly excited about babies. For example we saw a tiny little baby boy at church and she would not be quiet about it. She was standing in the aisle (as she is prone to do) and pointing “BABY BABY BABY!” of course she wasn’t quiet doing that. She loves babies. I hope she’ll love Audrey.  She has been very cuddly since the incident last week, and loving. I have to say that her stage right now of being lovey but sometimes independant is wonderful. I am afraid of the 2 weeks following my c-section when I won’t be able to lift her. I am trying my best to condition her now that Mommy can’t carry her all the time. I am also trying to carry her when I feel like I can (for as long as I can) because I know I won’t be able to soon.

I am excited for a tiny baby again. In some ways it’s going to be fun. In others, not so much. I remember recovering from Katie (when it was just me and Katie) and that was hard, so I imagine with a toddler it’ll be more interesting and more hard.  I am brimming with excitement and glee.

I am also excited to be done with heartburn, UTI’s, L&D trips, maternity clothes, night waking to roll over (i’m ok with general night waking) and the list goes on and on!

I have officially experienced contractions. They weren’t regular, but they are painful. I can’t imagine that regularly constantly… so maybe it’s best I’m having a c-section 🙂 I’m glad I’m taking the day before off. My brain is warring between cleaning house and doing something fun. I’m hoping to do BOTH. 🙂 I’m crazy like that. I’ll probably try and squeeze some shopping in as we won’t have time after I come home. I think about this stuff all day long.

Did I mention I’ve drank 128 oz of water today? yeah I have. that’s a lot. But apparently I was really dehydrated. :S Go me! I also need to charge the camera’s battery, finish packing my hospital bag… I want to do something special for Katie, but I haven’t thought of what… at all LOL. Maybe I should pack her Hello Kitty bag with some hospital treats for her.  I know she won’t remember this very much, but really the memories are for me. I probably (most definately) won’t get to be there when Katie meets Audrey for the first time. Since Katie will probably get to see her through the nursery window and I’ll be groggy confused mommy off in some room somewhere. 🙁 I didn’t think of that before. Oh well.

Heartbuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurn.

I”m ravenous. I swear I’ve never been this hungry before. I want salad, and salad dressing, some of my mom’s potato salad (yum!) more J-Dawgs hot dogs, a shake (YUM YUM!) Mashed potatoes, corn, maybe a shephard’s pie? Oh sheesh.

Alright I’m becoming uncoherent. I am going to see if Scott’s desk has food. Aurevoir. 😉

Derringer Meryl [FOOD!] Out

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Jun
19
2009
1

Pretty Scary

Usually, I like to keep my mouth shut about Scott’s scary diabetic things. Mostly because i think it’s embarassing for him, and because it’s quite really not anyone elses business.
But being a hormonal pregnant woman, and being (overall) quite proud of myself this time calling to get assistance.

First of all, let me tell you, I am (and still can be) a diabetic moron. Most people are. For example, I, like most people, used to think “OH he has low blood sugar, let me give him insulin” as if Insulin is some sort of diabetic neosporin and it just makes them feel all better. NO. It doesn’t. Low bloodsugar means he needs to eat, high Blood sugar means he needs insulin. Scott feels sick (as do most diabetics) with high blood sugar. Low blood sugar means non responsiveness, and overall turning into a cold sweaty frankenstein’s monster. Scott doesn’t remember what happens often during his Low blood sugar episodes. This time his sugar (when I got home from work) was 30. I recalled what had happened last time and the operator from 911 had encouraged me to get Scott to eat something. He did this time, however it must have been far too late, as the next two blood draws gave me readings of 29 and 28.

So while all of my insides are going “OMG! my husband is dying right here in my bed, WTH am I going to do?” I have a toddler who is telling me about her blankie and mickey and hello kitty etc etc etc. Luckily for me, DQ hadn’t been feeling good that day, and had came home. I felt bad (only a little, as it was an emergency) waking her up from her nap, to watch katie while I tried again to revive Scott. (BTW< she put really cute braids in Katie’s hair while watching the simpsons. Katie probably didn’t even know there were paramedics upstairs.) Finally it got to the point where I knew i couldn’t do it myself (since I didn’t know where the freaking glucogon kit was, and the operator even asked if he had a kit to use in cases like this. As a note, i do know where it is now.) I was lucky that I knew where his blood testing kit was. Without that I would have been stuck pretty much panicking. Every time I stuck him he got pretty much stuck twice since the first stick never seemed to hve enough blood. Poor guy! Anyway. I called 911, the operator helped me through and I remembered the commercials where the mom is just hysterical because her baby is not breathing, and did my best to keep calm and answer her. I admit that my voice broke a couple of times, but I didn’t cry this time. I opened the door for the police and the paramedics, and made sure Scott stayed breathing. I would say in under 5 minutes I had a total of 6 burly men in my bedroom recussitating Scott. They had me make him a PB sandwich (which he didn’t want, but we got some other food in him) I was aware that they’d have me make him this, Midori made it last time as she was in the neighborhood helping me out.

Scott is fine.  He was fine within 10 minutes of them getting there. They’re pros. I’m really greatful to the EMT’s and the police that showed up to help.
I have always had this unfounded (previously) fear that I would come home (even as a kid) and find someone splayed out passed out at my house. I am a pretty anxious person. I usually can dust those fears aside with a “they’re a healthy person, why would mom/dad/brother/husband/daughter etc be passed out?” I had a lot of fears of my parents dying of heart attacks when I was in Jr high and high school, so I stayed home, as if it’d be less traumatic to be at home when it happened. It feels weird to think about it. Scott and I have always been very open about death and about the fact that he will most certainly (according to the odds of him being a man that is older than me with diabetes) die before me, that I”ll have to cope without him. it’s not a comfortable thought. I think though, it would be incredibly ironic if he out lives me. That’d teach him 😉 Seriously though. It’s scary. He’s fine. He was trying to fast to go and do some testing so he can finally replace his pump, and unfortunately his blood sugar just got too low. We won’t be trying the fasting thing again until I’m home to help him go to the hospital for the tests.

in other news. I’m still immensely pregnant. my goodness. I feel less huge than I did with Katie, but that’s really not saying much as I was the size of a house roughly with her. Audrey will be here in 13 days or less.  Scott and I are hoping for less. I oddly have been wishing to go into labor. People say “Oh why?!” but if you have a child without going into labor (a child that you carried yourself, in your womb) you might understand the surreal feeling it is to lay down, and then poof magic there’s a baby. Even my OB asked me if I was really sure i had a c-section (In reference to my scar, he says it’s barely noticable.) I said we were all there (referencing myself Scott and Katie who were all in the room.) Also a lot of moms who do not experience labor and delivery have a hard time Bonding with their child. I’ll admit, I experienced some PPD that I wasn’t expecting from the choice I made.  I would never trade a happy healthy Katie for anything, but I wish I had known better back when I was pregnant with her. This time, I again made the choice for a c-section (it was my choice, 100%) as I liked my doctor and I DO NOT like the feeling of being passed from doctor to doctor at a office. 😛 That kind of stuff is for the birds. I’m not super knowledgable about child birth or anything, but I know that this time, Audrey has her little head down, and hopefully I can dilate a little, and go into labor a little– so that I can at least say “I’ve done that.”
Derringer Meryl [Smattering] Out

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