Undone

Mostly, as of today, I’d really just like to get out of here,

Here being home. I would do anything to take back the bridges I’ve burned. Or– well– do anything to get out of here.

As of tomorrow, I look for a serious, grown up, 9-5 Job. And then, a serious car. and then, a serious way to get the hell out of here.

Any way I can. (well short of selling my body)

Derringer Meryl [Let me go] Out

Oops, I Can’t believe I forgot the LYRIC SPEW!

Linkin Park, Faint

I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints, but I can help the fact, that everybody can see these scars
What I want you to want, what I want you to feel
But it’s like no matter what I do, I can’t convince you, to just believe this is real
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I’m not
But I’ll be here ’cause you want what I’ve got

I can’t feel the way I did before
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored
Time won’t heal this damage anymore
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored

I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
‘Cause you don’t understand, I do what I can, but sometimes
I don’t make sense I say what you never wanna say, but I’ve never had a doubt
It’s like no matter what I do, I can’t convince you, for
once just to hear me out So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I’m not
But I’ll be here ’cause you want what I’ve got

I can’t feel the way I did before
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored
Time won’t heal this damage anymore
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored

Now
Hear me out now
You’re gonna listen to me, like it or not
Right now
Hear me out now
You’re gonna listen to me, like it or not
Right now

I can’t feel the way I did before
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored

I can’t feel the way I did before
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored
Time won’t heal this damage anymore
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored

I can’t feel
I won’t be ignored
Time won’t heal
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored

Beautiful. Amazing. Special– and I’m sure it’ll be my wedding song… along with “Fishin’ in the Dark.”

Derringer Meryl [The Biggest Lie Ever] Out

What really gives me the willies about weddings

So tonight was my friend’s wedding reception. She’s only a couple of months older than me, so it’s a little odd to see her getting married… But anyway, She was a stunning Bride, and she seemed very VERY happy to be getting married. She felt it was right, he felt it was right, so they did. Happy for them. 🙂

What I hate about weddings.

The constant You’ll be next! vibe you get from people. It’s more than likely true, that i will NOT be next. I don’t know anyone that well, or have even dated that many people or ANYTHING like that. So– No. I won’t be. And I want to know how you’re not supposed to feel really shitty after coming home from something like that. I mean, you’re alone, and the bride and groom had rooms full of people who cared enough to come see them…. and you’re about two cats from being the crazy cat lady people find dead, slaughtered by some maniac they allowed into their life because they were so desperately lonely. It’s insane!

I’ve never been popular. Ever, by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve never been admired for traits, or anything like that. The people i once held near and dear to my heart as friends have become complete jerks to me. and when someone is where i want to be, i have to evaluate what i’m doing in my life to make it so shitty. And I know exactly what it is.

You’re not social enough.

Blah. I hate people. I hate sitting with people. I hate chatting randomly with people. I love sarcasm, and satire, and being bitter. I love myself that way, and i enjoy the company of people who are like that. Bitter-life-haters. People who smile too much genuinely get on my nerves, to the bitter end. There are a few of them I can stand, and even admire for how they smile even through the shitty stuff, cause i know i can’t…. heck, i can’t even smile through the good stuff, cause i’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop…. and it always does right after the good stuff happens.

Speaking of my lack of sociality (or whatever it’s called… i have no clue, i’m not social, so i don’t know) It made me think of Gert. Poor Gert. *sighs* He had a crush on another girl, and …. she’s taken. *Frowns* Poor guy. Man. It must really suck to be him. And I have all these things swishing around inside of my head (Sloshing, like fine brandy…) that i wish i could say to him, and i do (Just in my dreams) that would make him feel a million times better, but i just keep my mouth shut because he’s my boss. *shakes her head* I have the worst timing ever. i’ve considered going to Dateless’ store so i could date Gert, but i’m not sure i could stand the Animeboi they have working there. He’s just so irritating…. and scary. Besides, me working there, would not guarantee that Gert would even want to go out with me. *sighs* Probably not.

He likes skinny girls. Very petite girls. I am NOT a petite girl. By any means.

*Rolls her eyes and tosses some salt over her shoulder* Meh. Week after week sucks to no end. Lost 5 pounds, (Of the ten i gained recently) but i’m captain fluctuate-y– so who knows how long that’ll last.

Anyway, I have another chapter of my story to write, so i might want to start on that. 🙂 Else wise the many shall chase after me, and I shall die in the throes.

Derringer Meryl [Dressed in Black] Out

The shame of forgetting to update my blog each day. Lets see, shall we take a run down the “HALL OF EXCUSES”? Lets.

First, I have a temp job in addition to my regular job. Hallelujah, especially since i have a full slate of college classes coming up. I’m really REALLY REALLY looking forward to that. In fact, you might say, i’m downright despising the idea– more on that later. Homework would be another good excuse. I”m trying to be better about getting it done, and like– on time for once. My story (which is going swimmingly) is also a time and writing energy sucker, and Angel, and Institute. Blah. So basically, all of the hours of the day are being wiled a way, actually DOING something other than writing in here. Makes me sad, this Journal is like my baby, and ignoring it makes me feel like some kind of ,…. mean mean person. *eyes flutter* Man, am I tired.

Yes. So Imagine this (I have you do that alot, don’t i?) that you’re going to college. One class is basically sucking up anything you’d like to call free time. That’s just one four hour class. Amazing, right? So now, for heavens sakes, you have to take twelve credit hours, and you’re wondering where the hell your parents are thinking you’re getting the A)Time and B) money to do this. I mean, sure, doing the school thing, that’s great, everyone says so…. but sheesh. The price of education, is horrid. I don’t want to go to school reallly, but the parentals say i have to. (Which i’m sure is a factor that is going to make some of your heads pop off, but if i want to live at home rent free, i’ve got to be earning myself an education.) While i’d prefer to just doing what i’ve been doing (working, and lazing about) For some reason, a college education seems like a good idea to people.

Too bad, i have no clue what I want to be when i grow up. Maybe if i did, i could actually pick a major, and work at it. *frowns*

Derringer Meryl [damn seasoned rat] Out

of course, the first half of the week just isn’t good unless it has a LYRIC SPEW!!!

Annie LennoxLove Song For A Vampire

Come into these arms again
And lay your body down
The rhythm of this trembling heart
Is beating like a drum

Don’t you love it? I do. Slightly happy. Even more sad. Romantic, yet bitter. Oh Yes. It is good. Very Very good.

Derringer Meryl [Love is anything but pure] Out