Undone

What really gives me the willies about weddings

So tonight was my friend’s wedding reception. She’s only a couple of months older than me, so it’s a little odd to see her getting married… But anyway, She was a stunning Bride, and she seemed very VERY happy to be getting married. She felt it was right, he felt it was right, so they did. Happy for them. 🙂

What I hate about weddings.

The constant You’ll be next! vibe you get from people. It’s more than likely true, that i will NOT be next. I don’t know anyone that well, or have even dated that many people or ANYTHING like that. So– No. I won’t be. And I want to know how you’re not supposed to feel really shitty after coming home from something like that. I mean, you’re alone, and the bride and groom had rooms full of people who cared enough to come see them…. and you’re about two cats from being the crazy cat lady people find dead, slaughtered by some maniac they allowed into their life because they were so desperately lonely. It’s insane!

I’ve never been popular. Ever, by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve never been admired for traits, or anything like that. The people i once held near and dear to my heart as friends have become complete jerks to me. and when someone is where i want to be, i have to evaluate what i’m doing in my life to make it so shitty. And I know exactly what it is.

You’re not social enough.

Blah. I hate people. I hate sitting with people. I hate chatting randomly with people. I love sarcasm, and satire, and being bitter. I love myself that way, and i enjoy the company of people who are like that. Bitter-life-haters. People who smile too much genuinely get on my nerves, to the bitter end. There are a few of them I can stand, and even admire for how they smile even through the shitty stuff, cause i know i can’t…. heck, i can’t even smile through the good stuff, cause i’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop…. and it always does right after the good stuff happens.

Speaking of my lack of sociality (or whatever it’s called… i have no clue, i’m not social, so i don’t know) It made me think of Gert. Poor Gert. *sighs* He had a crush on another girl, and …. she’s taken. *Frowns* Poor guy. Man. It must really suck to be him. And I have all these things swishing around inside of my head (Sloshing, like fine brandy…) that i wish i could say to him, and i do (Just in my dreams) that would make him feel a million times better, but i just keep my mouth shut because he’s my boss. *shakes her head* I have the worst timing ever. i’ve considered going to Dateless’ store so i could date Gert, but i’m not sure i could stand the Animeboi they have working there. He’s just so irritating…. and scary. Besides, me working there, would not guarantee that Gert would even want to go out with me. *sighs* Probably not.

He likes skinny girls. Very petite girls. I am NOT a petite girl. By any means.

*Rolls her eyes and tosses some salt over her shoulder* Meh. Week after week sucks to no end. Lost 5 pounds, (Of the ten i gained recently) but i’m captain fluctuate-y– so who knows how long that’ll last.

Anyway, I have another chapter of my story to write, so i might want to start on that. 🙂 Else wise the many shall chase after me, and I shall die in the throes.

Derringer Meryl [Dressed in Black] Out