Undone

Sure this is a day early, but tomorrow I will be so busy de-catifying and cleaning and fixing and bustling and hustling– that I won’t have time to write an entry.

But shouldn’t you be thankful you’re getting one at all? That’s right you should be 😉

I’m thankful for my family. Both near and far. 🙂 I’m grateful for the view I have from my window (even if it is just for one more week) I’m happy and thankful for my house, it’s nice to say that we’re having thanksgiving with the H family in my house 🙂 Yay! I’m grateful for my husband who doesn’t get upset at my whining, listens and respects me, loves me, supports me. He does such an amazing job with Katie who— BTW is the sweetest girl and we love her so much. I’m grateful that our family is expanding (in more ways than one 😉 Which is to say marriage in addition to pregnancy!) I’m grateful for the awesome past I have, and the totally wonderful sibs I have too.  I am thankful for my new ward. They are welcoming and sweet. They are nice but not overbearing. It makes me feel good. I’m thankful for our jobs (both Scott and i’s) that they are able to provide for us, and our family. I feel very fortunate that in this time of uncertainty that we are able to continue to have our jobs and the income they provide for us. I’m very happy and appreciative of the time and place that we live. Things are hard, but in perspective, things are often hard  and in reality — will not magically get better by wishing things were different, or blaming someone else for the problem. That won’t solve anything– So work in the now.

I was thinking earlier about my writing. it’s not… common that i write. I write when I feel something and then I try my best to express the feeling that I have.  The image in my head. I don’t often successfully paint a picture with words. I feel like i have all these awesome images in my head that If I could just find a way I could express them and show them to someone. it’s very frustrating to have something like that trapped in your head. Smeyer said that Bella and Edward were there until she wrote and wrote and got rid of them. For me, it’s like the pictures, are never satisfied with what I write. They just want more and more. There isn’t ever a story, just vivid images. I suppose that’s where the problem is, that the images don’t translate into the story. it’s like knowing what you want to say, but feeling absolutely too tongue tied to say it. have you ever had the experience where someone wakes you up and asks you a question and you know the answer, so you tell them what you think is the right answer, and they just stare at you like you’re insane (because you’re telling them gibberish) and then you get angrier and angrier because they don’t understand what you’re telling them? (Scott know’s what I’m talking about.) I feel like that sometimes fully awake. I try and try to show people. I feel like inside my head are some of the most heartbreaking, earth shattering, heart melting stories– and I just can’t– I can’t tell anyone. I can’t get them out. It’s unnerving.

—-

A young woman sits in a rocking chair next to a window. She wears a long dressing gown, her hair braided loosely draped over her shoulder. She’s waiting.

The chair squeaks as she lolls back. It seems to protest.  Her slippers scuff against the floor, making a muted noise.  She lets a heavy sigh escape her lips. Her hands worry the wooden armrests on the chair. She’s waiting for him.

She pulls an afghan over her legs. She’s not sure what time it is. She curls into the chair, trying to remember when she was young. The chair seems to pull her in as she pulls her knees to her chest. A deep breath. The smell of cedar reminds her of her grandmother. The chair groans in protest. Almost seeming to say “Sit properly” like her grandmother would. She ignores it all the same. She doesn’t want to sit like a proper lady. She doesn’t want to be an adult.

She just wants him to come home.

Time seems to stop. With No light outside, it’s hard to tell if much is changing at all. The sun had set hours ago. At least it seemed like hours. She wrapped her arms around her knees, and hummed. “Soon.” She said, “He’ll be home Soon.”

—-

Derringer Meryl [Vignette] Out

Today I feel very inspired to start a new page. A page of lists. First will be my very serious list of very favorite songs.

All Inspired today because of Creep by Radiohead. I love this song (It was first performed on TV on the Arsenio Hall Show.. In like 1993) it’s a pretty enduring song. I think it has this interesting blend of … 1950’s, 60’s and 90’s that make it desirable. it’s like the perfect song. It’s got a bit of grunge, a little… bit of all the good stuff, you Know? I love it. Serious. Which is crazy– you’d think my favorite song changes each week with how much I seriously love music (and I do, for someone who is pretty musically impared. I can sing, but not overly well…) I hope to be forever listening to new music and hope that the point at which i reach the “THIS IS TOO DANG LOUD” will be well into my 60’s. 🙂 Lots of popular music really rocks my socks. I love weezer, and I even like the Police (though they’re not really a band anymore) TMBG, fall out boy,  etc etc…

My favorite song? Brandy, By the Looking Glass. 😉 Yep
Derringer Meryl [music!] out

Good husband. Scott’s making dinner again 😉 YAY!

The movie was excellent. I will give more but not spoilerish details later. 🙂 I’m exhausted and work is almost done. YAY weekend!

In love with Stephenie Meyer. I’m sorry. It’s true. I think she’s a genius, and I’d follow her around all day with a note pad just to write down random things she says…then I’d type them all up and sell them to the Smeyer junkies who are just like me.

In other news, I am going to the Twilight Movie tonight. I am seeing that it is getting mixed/poor reviews, but I don’t care. I’ll hug and love on it anyway– Because It’s twilight– and I’m fairly clingy. You know what can’t/won’t reject you? A book. Damn straight. 😀

Today is Jen’s Party. Happy B-day Jen…. Even though your B-day isnt’ today, I’ll probably be too sugar wasted to tell you happy day tomorrow 😉 I forgot my part of the pot luck so luckily for me Scott was a real trooper and saved me and picked up some cupcakes from the store. YAY. Scott has also been exceedingly excellent about dinner. He makes it almost every night. Last night it was crock pot chinese food, and I didn’t eat too much because I was feeling a bit under the weather, it was still very yummy. Katie has been sick, I assume she got it from Alice who was recovering from a similar snotty nose and fever last weekend when they hung out… it’s ok though, Katie has an appointment with the doctor on Monday– so we should be in the clear.

Currently we have no weekend plans that I’m aware of — I really hope it stays what way. I need to do a heavy cleaning on my house and pray that it stays clean for the weekend. If anyone wants to hang out and keep me (and Katie) company while we clean, that would be excellent. it’s tough staying motivated to clean when it feels like you have a toddler following after you undoing the books you put on the shelf, scattering more trash, etc etc So while you feel like you’re getting something done, at the same time you feel like NOTHING has been done because … well The little girl behind you has just unfolded all the laundry, blankets, brought all her toys back out of her toy room, and basically been an absolute BUTT about the whole thing. Poor Scott doesn’t seem to have this problem, but he usually (i do believe) traps her in her High Chair while cleaning. Did I mention he did a GREAT Job cleaning the kitchen and basement the other day? I was stunned, and giddy! it’s really nice to come how to a clean house. I appreciate all he does. He takes care of Katie and Bella… He put in a cat door to the garage so now our basement won’t smell like cat poo! (yay!) and he’s currently working on putting in a  new faucet in the bathroom downstairs. I’m so proud! He’s such a hard worker, and since we found out I was expecting he’s really stepped it up. Which I have to say Is SUPER appreciated. I’m more than willing to contribute, but some nights its’ hard, and I really love coming home to dinner and a nice house. And other days I clean the house and cook. It’s great that we switch off.

Did I mention I love Scott? I want to follow him around and write down the things he says…. oh wait. LOL. I do love him though. More than Stephenie Meyer!

Derringer Meryl [Does your Mother know?] Out

I am of the opinion that if you pick up Twilight, and read it for what it is, you will more than likely enjoy it. If you read it for what it isn’t (that is it’s not a literary classic, not Robinson Crusoe, Pride and Prejudice, or War and Peace) you’ll probably end up griping about how hollow and vapid and annoying the characters are.

But here’s a wake up call, the book is for teenagers. It’s about teenagers. So calling it vapid, shallow, and one-note is all pretty– well freaking redundant to be frank. NO DUH it’s not a mine of literary gold, it’s a fun peice of literature. A good read, a quick read, and I love them. I have all of them. I would like to re-own all of them, and then someday i would like to fall down at Stephenie Meyer’s feet and say “I love you. It’s my birthday. I’d like to keep you in my pocket so you can tell me all the wonderful things that are going through your head.”
(Those of you in the H family will know that Stephenie Meyer will look at me weird and spend the rest of forever thinking of me and Scribbles and making scary monkey that lives in the closet face)

Seriously though, if you wanted a deep meaningful novel that is going to tell you the meaning of everything and everywhere, and has a nice little moral all wrapped up for you at the end… Try Tuesdays with Morrie– but don’t go panning for literary gold in the Young Adult Section. Now who’s being infantile?

Derringer Meryl [SHE’S LOOKING AT YOU SCRIBBLES!!] Out