Undone

I would like to say…..

POO ON MAVAV!!! They know NOTHING!! NOTHING! BAH!

Yeah, So apparently my depression stems from the fact that I play games. Damn I wish they could have told me sooner so I could stop playing and frolic amidst the butterflies and never worry about a therapist.

Trust me on this one….

The Columbine Shooters may have learned to kill from first person shooters, MAYBE, but they didn’t get the incentive to do so from them…..

it was some smart-ass Jock who pushed them around everyday of their lives. Maybe if parents would take a step back for a sec they’d notice that their kids are total Jackasses, and get them some help, like some sort of ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT. Okay?? For some reason high school kids think they have the RIGHT to tromp on people’s self esteem.

And that’s why I play video games. Because for one hour a day, if not longer, I can be a princess, where some guy thinks i’m cute.

Instead of calling me a hoe or a dog or something. Damn. I dont’ understand why someone would like to live in a fantasy world for hours on end.

Cause we all know this one is so pleasant to live in.

I’ll leave you with my words…. which are anger. If this world wasn’t so tainted by people who had egos that take up the room, then we’d all be able to live, happily.

Derringer Meryl [emotionally attacked] Out

Okay, so it’s early, my party just ended…..

and i’m a little less than cloud nine…. Blah. I could blither on about it, but I don’t want to, because I’m over it. I’ll say it over and over again, because I am.

Really. I swear.

I don’t care that the cutest boy i’ve ever known in the whole universe has no interest in me, because I’m just a quarter crush, if not less. I’m a crazy excentric little girl, who isn’t ever going to be anything past the age of 5.

I’m really alot older tahn that. But I”ve always been a mature 5 year old. Always. I’m just over developed for my age.

Right.

Havent’ you ever just wanted someone to tell you a lie. You know it’s a lie, but it feels so good to be safe in that lie, even for just a little while. Safe in knowing that it’ll all be okay and that they love you.

and even though you know it’s a lie, you feel safe because anything that is spoken by them seems right and natural…..

I’m over it.

i’m running in circles

after things that aren’t there

after you

i wanted to win you so badly

wanted to see you and i together

but before i had started

i had already lost

to so many other things

so many other people

i knew what i wanted

but then you were gone

i know where i was headed

but you had already been won.

you still don’t understand

how we prize you

how we fight for you

your heart

i wanted it

so badly i was blinded

i couldn’t see you

your face

so badly i was deafened

i couldn’t hear

hear your good-byes

now you’re gone

so far gone

you

all i ever thought i wanted

was you

Poem Courtesy of ME

Derringer Meryl [So over it] Out

Here’s a little ego trip for ya…..

Every guy (there’s only been a few, but still) that I meet off of the net, ends up not talking to me any more after I meet them.

Maybe it’s because I don’t always think before I speak in real life. Or maybe it’s because i’m horrifically disfigured.

or maybe, i’m just displeasing?

I think that’s it, cause even guys that got past my horrid looks, didn’t get along with me.

I’m a nervous girl, and unless they tell me what they’re thinking, and can look me in the eyes and tell me

“I think you’re great, and I like you the way you are.”

I won’t believe them. I hate playing shadowboxer, like i have to be on defense all the time.

Damn you (That is to say my ex boyfriend). I do believe you’ve scarred me for life, and trust me, Kharma will have it’s revenge on you!!

I’m the little sister

I’m the one that hides

Daydreaming

Blushing

But I can confess

all the feelings

all the words

inside of me

I can tell them to you

You won’t hear them

No you won’t

Cause you don’t see me

None of you

See me.

Derringer Meryl [Imagine me] Out

And I’m so sad

like a good book

I can’t put this

Day Back

a sorta fairytale

with you

a sorta fairytale

with you

I could pick back up

whenever I feel

Well life isn’t a sorta fairy tale around here. That’s the way life is though. I wrote this huge rant about people and their lives and how it makes life horrid and what not. *smiles*

Actually, lucky me, I had the realization of what makes life horrid for every one, everywhere.

CHOICES

Regretting them, unable to make them, having them made for us, making the wrong ones….. that’s what causes misery. There isn’t one person in this world that can say their problems result from some choice someone had made along the way.

Try me. I can show you anything. The drunk stays drunk because he chooses to. The poor man stays poor because he chooses to let his monetary value decide where he belongs in society.

Sure, You could say “It wasn’t my choice, it was soinso’s choice, and I’ve been effected” Notice I said that their problems resulted from bad choices, not necessarily their own. It’s possible that some child has been subjected to abuse everyday of their lives and in turn become violent and end up killing tons of people.

Still, in the end, they pulled the trigger that took than man’s life. Their choice, their responsibility. It wasn’t your choice to be abused everyday, but it’s your choice to react.

Anyway, I’ve been examining life carefully everyday since I’m going to turn eighteen. I’m noticing that life isn’t cherries (even though I’ve known since like… forever) and it’ isn’t peaches, or any thing else that is sweet and pretty.

It’s bile if anything. Useful, needed, but a nasty thing to have to swallow.

Derringer Meryl [Full of Christmas Cheer] Out

Mom is back. *smiles* I’m happy. Life was hectic without her. So i’m glad she’s back. It was more than a little stressful with her gone.

I have a 21 hour work week. It’s all good to me. The money is something i’m looking forward to! *smiles greedily*

Then there is my Birthday party on Saturday. *yippies* I”m so very happy for my eighteenth birthday.

I can’t believe I dressed up for work today. Again. No one noticed. I really don’t expect my Boss to notice, she’s a girl. but the guys should notice . . . Eh. I work hard, and not often I look very pretty, but I did tonight.

Anyway, my nephew is coming over tomorrow, before I go to work (yeah!) and shopping for food, and what not. it all abounds.

(huggles)Derringer Meryl