Undone

I’ll get to it eventually. Really.

I am on day… Something of my hair and make up challenge. Actually (IMO) doing better on the hair than the make up. It’s easy to forget. Like how I’m currently forgetting to take the Amoxcicillin I’m supposed to take before my root canal next week,

Eep. yeah I’m really nervous about that! Why you might ask? Um, because I’m going to have a gaping hole in my tooth. Yeah. Then, I’m going to get a bunch of fillings and some crap scraped out from under my gum line. a LOT of numbing going on my friend. A LOT. Here’s hoping that my fear of needles dissipating from having kids carries over to my mouth. I’m actually PRETTY freaking terrified.

Oh well. Gotta man up I guess. Little Rei’s Root canal went well. Now she’s got a mouth full o’silver. She looks like a pirate! And, um, She’s four. What the hell happened there? Did I just sleep through the last four years? I must have. Bleh. I deeply want to be at home with her. WIth both of my girls. Just my luck, I’ll get out of working just when they get into School. POO. Never fear, I should at least be able to go part time by then. I hope!

Scott and I won a TV and an Ipod shuffle touch…. doo hicky. Something. We traded it in. While the tiny apple packaging kept saying to me “KEEP ME” it turns out, that paid for a lot of other stuff that is fun that we’re enjoying. 🙂 I am slightly sad to remark that Scott finished up Portal 2 while I was sleeping last week. GRRR. This is what comes of me working different days from him. We have no “Stay up really late and enjoy each other company” nights anymore, and while I am thrilled for his promotion, I will be EVEN MORE thrilled when that can mean something along the lines of more time together.

Have I mentioned that we work with creepy people? I say that because, we work for the same company. Scott says the people on his shift are relatively normal, and my coworkers upstairs are too, but some of the things I get told Stun me! (not by people in my department mind you) Someone asked me today If I was Scott’s wife, and if I was afraid he would have an affair with his new “Free time” with his new job. I flatly told them no, while looking at them like they had brains oozing out their ears. First of all, what women work on the graves shift? Second, HELL TO THE NO! Third, Scott is a hard worker. He’s not really socially outgoing or anything like that. These two combined leads to him working really hard. And DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN guy, Have you seen/know what he’s got? I am WAY better than any other woman working there. SO SHOVE IT. (No offense to the other women, but Scott got married to me for a reason. He kind of loves me and stuff. He thinks I’m awesome.) In anycase, it put a bit of a crimp in my day.

I have hit a bit of a … Stand still? On Lil Rei’s quilt. It’s frustrating to find time to do it. also… I’m tired. They always get into my thread and needles… and be terrible.  I need a walking foot for my machine and I’ll finish itout that way. It can’t be that hard… right?

Going to bed. Don’t you judge me.

Derringer Meryl [Feelin’ Punchy] Out

I did my hair. Scott can vouch. I was trying to upload it on the way to the girl’s dentist appointments today.

I kind of got side tracked… by the need for a root canal on my not even 4 year old girl. GOOD FREAKIN GRIEF! Life is interesting. I feel like a really big failure as a mom. Like I Wasn’t trying hard enough. Didn’t brush her teeth enough. The truth is… yeah I didn’t make it a priority. My mistake. I shouldn’t wallow and act like I’m going to DIE because of it. THat’s just how life is. Rough. BUT ok. Stuff happens. And while a root canal isn’t “small stuff” I’m not going to rake myself over the coals internally. I will sternly remind myself that we are trying harder. Flossing, flouride-izing, brushing. We’re trying to improve — always. SO, no worries.

Anyway. Piggie tails, I did my make up, but I doubt by the time I got to Little P’s party that it looked any sort of good.

PS: I love you Lil’ P! Happy Birthday!

Off to bed. Dying of exhaustion. Hopefully friday I can catch up on laundry and house work!

Derringer Meryl [I think I need a hobby] Out

Makeup and hair everyday for 30 days. For me… this time a challenge from me to me!! Yes!!

Picture for.my first day attached!!!

Somehow, writing from my phone is annoying, and it feels like it cheapens my blog posts, and quite frankly, this deserves my time to sit down and write it out.

Six years ago today, around 4 something in the morning, Scott and I got a call that his Dad (Dave) had passed away. I was just barely 20, and honestly, no one who was close to me (IE I’d spent more than 10 min. one on one with them) had ever died. Dave dying rocked my world in a way that nearly nothing else has. Being married to an oldest brother … i felt like I had some sort of responsibility to make stuff work and make something better, however, being 20 kind of made me… inept and inexperienced. I had friends die, a couple of friends from High school had died, but that was different. While one was sudden (car accident) and wasnt’ expected, not unlike Dave… Something about the parent of your spouse dying makes you feel small and really insignificant (not that this is about me) You realize that, even though you want to some how shove the world back into this happy place, so you can all just… go about life the way it was… you really can’t. There are no words to repair or soothe. Everything is trite. I can distinctly recall that my coping mechanism was….. (drumroll) food. I got donuts. Even though Midori didn’t like donuts, she was down for that. I felt like If I could shove some sugar their way, that’d make things better (?) but once again… 20 years old. I think I did a good job holding it together. I was (very much so) very annoying to Scott, at that point in time. But he was sensitive, and I was … desperate to make him feel better.

I think the pangs of missing Dave didn’t hit me all at once. I missed him when my kids were born. I miss him when Scott’s being stubborn about things. I miss him at family parties. I miss him when we go to Asian Buffets. I miss him when I think of my wedding day. I miss him when my kids are cute, and I wish he were here to share that with. I am sad that he’s not here so we can share in that together. I know he’s proud of Scott and I. How we’ve grown together, and he watches over us. I just… I wish he were here so we could share it all together.

Even though I only knew my father in law… well less than a year, I loved him. Like so many people in his life did. He was a great man, and he raised a good son. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Not crying, I swear] Out