Undone

So apparently lots of people have the same issue I do, which is namely that when you imagine something you have a hard time… fleshing it out. Making it real. OR if you do make it real that you have a hard time being satisfied with the end product (it doesn’t meet up with what you imagined.

Take for example, my Aperture Science Skirt. VERY retro. I would love to do a full skirt (not pleated, more gored, but not exactly…  like a fitted drop waist top, with piping and inset pleats…) Similar to below, but only a skirt. And the pattern? 1950’s Aperture Science Logo with Lemon-ades on them. (Lemonades= Lemons + Grenades) I don’t think I could sell the skirts (well maybe the pattern I had in my head, but not with that fabric) But a very full skirt, a very DIFFERENT patterned fabric.

I have tried designing the art for the fabric, and I am at a loss. I want it to work. I see it very vibrantly, but I have (as I have mentioned before) stupid hands.

Man. Not unlike the movie Limitless, what I wouldn’t do to have clarity! Ok, well I’d probably not lick blood off of the floor of a kitchen because it contained drugs, but you get the idea. I’d do a lot. Work? Nah, no way. Oy. I do keep trying, I just don’t have (is this irony) a lot of time for patience. Which sounds dumb. I will keep slaving away, trying to tweak things just right the way I want them. Maybe download some fonts so as to not infringe on Valve Copyrights. Eep. That’s the last thing I need! Sued for making a Lemonade skirt, ahah.

I would like to look at something, just once, and say “you turned out just right” Maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m just never satisfied with how things are. I need something just more. Maybe I should work for looking at the good in things instead of being unsatisfied.

I have had it up to here (hand waaaaaaaaaaaaay over head) with my teeth and dental work. I’m about to say “screw it, rip em out” I mean… I hate getting my teeth drilled. OH and I have 4 more fillings and a crown to do! HUZZAH. Oh and we’ve ran out of dental insurance. So we pay for everything else now. Boo. Thanks a lot dental insurance!

I have came up with another book idea. I have been jotting at it for a while. (thanks To DQ for my journals that I jot in) I feel like I keep my best stories to myself, for fear that someone will steal them. I am working on it. It’s about a woman who goes insane and eventually is killed by a Psychopath couple. Yep. I’m TWISTED. Needless to say I’ll be doing a lot of research. I need to get a bit more specific than Psychopath I think. I think that’s too broad, too Dexter. 😛 Which is not what i”m going for. It’s going to be a first person book, and I’m trying to decide on if you know the character is always dead (like the annoying narrator on Desperate Housewives) or if you run into it. I think it’s better to know. It makes the story more compelling. I want to know why a dead character is telling me a story. But at the same time, it’s more twisted. You get attached to someone you know is dead.

Anyway. I only work on it really late at night, and my really late at nights are few and far between. I spend too much of my time doing otherwise… like sleeping. Psh.

I have been wanting to go on a Radio show they do here in town (WHAT UP RFH!) for their Ask a Feature. It kind of bummed me out when I realize that I don’t have anything to “ask a” about that I’d really want to discuss with anyone. I did offer one thing (Embarrassing, no i won’t tell you) and Richie Turned me down. he said “Bless your heart” Which might have meant “You’re a brain damaged crazy for wanting to come on our show” Overall, I’m pretty vanilla. Pretty plain, pretty ordinary. I’m not really upset about that, but it’d be nice to be able to say “Hey I did something special! Let me tell you about it!” But really– There’s nothing there. I’m pretty intense about my knowledge on geeky things. but nothing that Cary couldn’t talk about. I don’t really have an opinion. I think Anything I would have to talk about would be controversial, and I am NOT a confrontational person. The last thing I need is to put myself out there and say “This happened to me, I’ve experienced that” and have people give me shit about it (SORRY!)  I guess I could do a “ask a working mom” but honestly — not interesting. Plus DOI, Gina is a working mom, what would they need me for? I’ll keep thinking about it. Maybe you all have an Idea for me?

Anyway. Things to do, people to punch.

Derringer Meryl [happy days] Out

I’ll get to it eventually. Really.

I am on day… Something of my hair and make up challenge. Actually (IMO) doing better on the hair than the make up. It’s easy to forget. Like how I’m currently forgetting to take the Amoxcicillin I’m supposed to take before my root canal next week,

Eep. yeah I’m really nervous about that! Why you might ask? Um, because I’m going to have a gaping hole in my tooth. Yeah. Then, I’m going to get a bunch of fillings and some crap scraped out from under my gum line. a LOT of numbing going on my friend. A LOT. Here’s hoping that my fear of needles dissipating from having kids carries over to my mouth. I’m actually PRETTY freaking terrified.

Oh well. Gotta man up I guess. Little Rei’s Root canal went well. Now she’s got a mouth full o’silver. She looks like a pirate! And, um, She’s four. What the hell happened there? Did I just sleep through the last four years? I must have. Bleh. I deeply want to be at home with her. WIth both of my girls. Just my luck, I’ll get out of working just when they get into School. POO. Never fear, I should at least be able to go part time by then. I hope!

Scott and I won a TV and an Ipod shuffle touch…. doo hicky. Something. We traded it in. While the tiny apple packaging kept saying to me “KEEP ME” it turns out, that paid for a lot of other stuff that is fun that we’re enjoying. 🙂 I am slightly sad to remark that Scott finished up Portal 2 while I was sleeping last week. GRRR. This is what comes of me working different days from him. We have no “Stay up really late and enjoy each other company” nights anymore, and while I am thrilled for his promotion, I will be EVEN MORE thrilled when that can mean something along the lines of more time together.

Have I mentioned that we work with creepy people? I say that because, we work for the same company. Scott says the people on his shift are relatively normal, and my coworkers upstairs are too, but some of the things I get told Stun me! (not by people in my department mind you) Someone asked me today If I was Scott’s wife, and if I was afraid he would have an affair with his new “Free time” with his new job. I flatly told them no, while looking at them like they had brains oozing out their ears. First of all, what women work on the graves shift? Second, HELL TO THE NO! Third, Scott is a hard worker. He’s not really socially outgoing or anything like that. These two combined leads to him working really hard. And DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN guy, Have you seen/know what he’s got? I am WAY better than any other woman working there. SO SHOVE IT. (No offense to the other women, but Scott got married to me for a reason. He kind of loves me and stuff. He thinks I’m awesome.) In anycase, it put a bit of a crimp in my day.

I have hit a bit of a … Stand still? On Lil Rei’s quilt. It’s frustrating to find time to do it. also… I’m tired. They always get into my thread and needles… and be terrible.  I need a walking foot for my machine and I’ll finish itout that way. It can’t be that hard… right?

Going to bed. Don’t you judge me.

Derringer Meryl [Feelin’ Punchy] Out

I did my hair. Scott can vouch. I was trying to upload it on the way to the girl’s dentist appointments today.

I kind of got side tracked… by the need for a root canal on my not even 4 year old girl. GOOD FREAKIN GRIEF! Life is interesting. I feel like a really big failure as a mom. Like I Wasn’t trying hard enough. Didn’t brush her teeth enough. The truth is… yeah I didn’t make it a priority. My mistake. I shouldn’t wallow and act like I’m going to DIE because of it. THat’s just how life is. Rough. BUT ok. Stuff happens. And while a root canal isn’t “small stuff” I’m not going to rake myself over the coals internally. I will sternly remind myself that we are trying harder. Flossing, flouride-izing, brushing. We’re trying to improve — always. SO, no worries.

Anyway. Piggie tails, I did my make up, but I doubt by the time I got to Little P’s party that it looked any sort of good.

PS: I love you Lil’ P! Happy Birthday!

Off to bed. Dying of exhaustion. Hopefully friday I can catch up on laundry and house work!

Derringer Meryl [I think I need a hobby] Out