Undone

Today Scott and I are going clothes shopping. It’s a new experience because no one but my mom has ever gone clothes shopping with me, and so no one knows how really picky I am but me.

I hate clothes shopping. I mean…. Okay, i love it, but it’s a sincere love hate relationship. I love the clothes, they hate my body. Especially jeans. I hate shopping for jeans because nothing ever fits. After visiting fifteen stores TRYING to find good jeans that fit, and getting super frustrated in the process, I get really depressed. This is the area I attribute most of my poor self image to come from. I don’t fit in the sizes two to eight category (and I never have, I can guarantee) and I feel fat and gargantuan. Every pair of jeans (cept my trusty Japan jeans) clings to my body and I hate that. It’s like painting on cloth and saying I’m wearing clothes. If i was comfortable enough with my body to wear nothing, I would wear the stupid skin tight jeans.

I’m not comfortable with my body, and ihave to wear a pair. I’m wearing them right now.

I hate these jeans with a passion. Now, the brand is great, i love the store I got them from (mostly because it was the first place ALL day I had found jeans that fit me. as in went up past my thighs fit me.) The thing is, they’re like super low rider jeans, which I hate, and they aren’t long enough because I didn’t realize this brand of jeans came in short, medium and long in addition to the size…. and they’re tight, as I mentioned before. Very very tight. :-S I hate it.I HATE IT SO MUCH!

So, Poor Scott, doesn’t know what he’s getting into by wanting to go find matching outfits (ish) for our engagement pictures.

Oh, and I don’t wear shorts. that just does NOT happen with me. All girls shorts are hot pants. All of them. I do not wear them. I do not wear capris. I’m white as the day is long, and I have disgusting fat legs. i hate them too. :{

Derringer Meryl [Shirts I can find and wear] Out

I love to watch my counter steadily go up because of my entertainment value. It’s really quite interesting. 🙂 That’s why I love you guys.

Anyway, I came back from my shopping trip with:

A new black (very swanky) t-shirt, Two new pair of earrings (i haven’t bought earrings since I was fourteen), A very snazzy set of dice, a drink for my mom and I, and a slip (cause I can’t find mine)

I’ve decided on wearing a skirt I already own (which is pretty amazing since i found a pink skirt I fell in love with, but decided against buying for the sheer price of it.) Mom thought it was funny that I spent two hours in a shopping mall and came out with a plain black t-shirt and earrings. I corrected her by saying that the shirt was pretty spiffy, and not bad at all. *nods*

I went and Talked to J-bob for a minute after I got my dice, did I mention they are the coolest dice ever?? And I told him everyone at the store has all the sudden gone “Lets go drinking” crazy. Cept Gert, and recently Guts. The thing is, Guts is pretty dang cool. He knows what i mean when I say that I don’t have to drink to know it isn’t that much fun. Mom said she could bartend for them, mix em up some drinks, charge $300 for the one drink, and they could have the same experience as being drunk, with one drink. Mom’s not an alcohol enthusiast, she planned on giving them some of this Fleet stuff, and it literally is designed to clean you out. *nods* She figured she could make a tidy sum off of charging them a ton of money to go and get ten dollars worth of that stuff. Trust me, it’d make you never want to drink anything my mom gave you again. *shakes her head* Yep, i’d have to say it’s the extereme drinking experience.

Anyway. I took a long nap this afternoon. I think I’ve been this odd kind of testy lately. Extremely defensive of my good mood. (Grood Mood. I mean Good, and great. Great and good.) So anything that could possibly set me off in a bad mood, makes me angry really fast, and then I’m back. It’s like being the hulk or something. Today at the mall some girls (teens, psh) were making rude noises at my mom and i. Normally I’d write it off to adolescence and how hard it must be to be a girl now a days (I know, but really.) and somehow demeaning other people gave those girls a boost. Well, I wasn’t about to let their boost set my boost down lower. Normally I’m really passive, but I went to tell Customer service. I’m in with the Security at the mall (I used to work there.. heh.) So I told them, and the girls got kicked out.

Now, you could look at it as mean, but I’m not really tolerating anyone who is raining on my bloody nice parade. I’ve been extremely nice to people who rang me up today, even if they were pretty ditzy, and Just really– Nice. Those girls made me want to maim them…. making dog barking noises at me and my mom. It may make me a tattle tail, but life is hard enough without having stupid teenage girls sit (not do anything productive) just sit at the mall and make fun of passing people. The world doesn’t really need that. I mean, if you’re gonna hang out at the mall. Play tag, try on clothes, play a board game, play hide and go seek. I don’t care. Just don’t rain on my parade.

*sighs* now i’ve made enough of a deal about that… I should probably get to work on my essay, and what not. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Homework… is the devil] Out

I’ve been invited to have Dinner at Scott’s on Sunday. This is gonna be the first time I formally meet his family. I’m sorta nervous, but really excited at the same time.

My goal:

To find an outfit that, while modest, causes him to be breath taken.

*nods* Off to the mall I go! Long Live the shopping spree! Down with homework!

Derringer Meryl [Thank you for reading] Out

Sunday before Christmas, and I’m done. I’ve got the cards written, I’ve got some of the presents delivered… and i’m feeling good. Tomorrow my Dad and I have to scurry off in the hussle and bustle to finish my mom’s Christmas shopping.

I went to the mall and found out that Marco was working there, which is something that everyone but me knew. *shrugs* I got to hang out with my friend for the weekend, and give her her present, as well as her brother…. who is also an Anime freak like me, but he’s a lot nicer than any other Anime boi i know. *laughs* Not at all like Miroku. heh.

Lets see, what else? Ah right, the topic for the day.

I wanted to write about this last night, but then I got all tired, so I didn’t get to. I was watching Sabrina but not the new one, which I enjoy thoroughly, but the older one with Bogie and Audrey Hepburn…. Yeah. It was….

I’d give a lot to be as pretty as Audrey Hepburn… anyway. I was thinking about… nothign like that happens nowadays.

heck, i don’t think it even happened back then… It’s sad. It’s sad that we’ve all become so eternally wrapped up in our day to day life that everything that’s romantic about being alive has been sucked out of it by the hum drum rut the entire world is in.

Maybe I have a little too much Anne of Green Gables running through my blood. I dont know. But I want someone to chase after me when I run, instead of saying “OH, there’s always more fish in the sea….” I want someone who says “I dont’ want any of those fish, I want her.” Is that so much? Is that insane to wish for? Sometimes, yeah, you have to let go, and move on– but how do you know when which is which…

Take for example my brother, the Specialist, and his wife, Antigone. He was keen on her. It was cute too. Cause he was like… OKay, I won’t say that…. cause i don’t want to be bruised for my birthday– but he had a case on her. But she kept saying “I just want to be friends…” and he would back off, give her some time, and then ask her out again… and he kept doing it, until she stopped asking to just be friends…. and then they got married. They’re well suited for each other…. Honest, if you saw them, you’d tip your head to the side, and make that “awww” noise. I can guarantee it.

Because while they argue like cats and dogs, you know it’s because my brother is stubborn, and so is his wife. so it’s extra cute. 🙂

Anyway– why doesn’t stuff like that happen to me? I’ve been on one date where the guy asked me. Maybe two, and it was the same guy– ya know? And he wasn’t anyone I seriously dated.

I asked Monkey out. Don’t get me wrong, he took me places… but it always felt like I was initiating it. *shrugs* that should have been a tip off. I asked my First boy friend out. I asked every guy i went out with In High school, out. And I’ve been all rejected before too. *coughs* Miroku. *coughs*

who cares, he’s a lech anyway.

Derringer Meryl [Girls Like Jerks…] Out

Shopping SPREE!

Well today was pay day, and while I didn’t get MUCH, I got what I wanted. (Besides I have to save for Winter Ball!)

Buffy Musical Soundtrack – $2.99

Wool Skirt From EXPRESS – $33.65

Grumpy Slippers – $10.66

Cloth to make my Prom Dress Acceptable – $11.66

Halelujah! I might buy more later, but I’m happy now. I would have been happy with out the stuff, but I’m good all the same. I think I’m going to drag myself into the Comic Shop (the only one around here)

Blah, I’m going to post lyrics for the rest. . . I love Boxcar Racer: There Is

this vacation’s useless

these white pills aren’t kind

i’ve given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive

i missed the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9

and slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights

i’ve given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have

the days have come and gone

our lives when by so fast

i faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor

where i laid and told you but you sweared you loved me more

do you care if i don’t know what to say

will you sleep tonight, or will you think of me

will i shake this off, pretend its all okay

that there’s someone out there who feels just like me

there is

those notes you wrote me

i’ve kept them all

i’ll give a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall

with every single letter in every single word

there will be a hidden message about a boy that loves a girl

do you care if i don’t know what to say

will you sleep tonight, or will you think of me

will i shake this off, pretend its all okay

that there’s someone out there who feels just like me

there is

do you care if i don’t know what to say

will you sleep tonight, or will you think of me

will i shake this off, pretend its all okay

that there’s someone out there who feels just like me

do you care if i don’t know what to say

will you sleep tonight, or will you think of me

will i shake this off, pretend its all okay

that there’s someone out there who feels just like me

there is

I don’t know– Is there?

Derringer Meryl [Give me something to sing about] Out