Undone

The mouth is a unique part of the body. Its amazing how as a child we use it to explore things around us, and …. how even when we do not know how to ‘effectively’ communicate with others, it still works wonders.

Now at the age of eighteen, i wonder how to make it stop. For some unknown reason I spew all of my thoughts without even knowing it…. Like i black out and the mouth has control of my body and it says…. whatever it WANTS TO!

That leads us to the my thoughts on the Id. The Id sucks ass. and for some reason, my ego and super ego are no longer doing anything, it’s like they went on vacation!

and see, that may not seem like a dangerous thing ever, but people tell me stuff, I know stuff about myself, that i can’t seem to keep in. Random people who dont’ care about me whatsoever know things about me that others dont’, and they probably shouldn’t.

and Yeah. I mean, there’s a guy that works with Marco… I think his name is Sean, or something, but, he knows just as much about me as Marco does now. I think. Well pretty damn close.

Anyway. My mum says I can’t hang overnight at Red’s anymore. i think I’m old enough to make my own damn choices. I mean– if i want to hang at my friends house, with MY Friends, it’s my deal. Me. My choice. Red doesn’t control me, anything she’s mad about was my IDEA, I pushed it. Me.

Hello! Is there a world of ME in the choices i make. Maybe I am self involved. But HELL! Who isn’t? *Mumbles* Mum says I have no conscience… maybe it’s because i’ve never been in a situation scary enough to have to make a choice. Every thing is premade, already done, and I’m never faced with anything hard.

Sure, there’s the whole “Should I go to college, or not and get thrown out?” thing…. but no one in this house has the motzaballs to throw me out.

I just want to get AWAY! Because i can’t stand it here anymore. >_<;; I’m just so tired of all the running around and the chasing….

and OMG If I hear ONE More thing about me going to the singles ward so I can find a FINE upstanding Young man. . . .

I don’t want the Seminary President. I don’t want a guy who is going to smother me for the rest of my life with verses, and parables.

I want a guy who loves God, Like me, and loves me.

because i find that more important than if he went on a mission or not…. because i’m a sap who believes that true love will triumph over most anything… excluding infidelity.

Derringer Meryl [starry-eyed] Out