Undone

Nothing happened to me. Lucky me…

Oh except my legs decided to pull a Christopher Reeve and stop working.

Too soon?

Seriously though. I was walking down the stairs, happy as a clam to be getting Katie’s PJ’s for her, and eating a Little Debbie’s snack when i hit the landing (thank goodness) and my foot landed on some DANG toy that Katie had left there. Normally when you step on something your foot says “OW, stop stepping on that” and you recoil, and walk around it. For some reason when i’m pregnant, my body says “Oh that’s no fun. I’m just going to send a signal to stop working” and my whole leg collapses and I fall. It’s like I’m a rag doll… or possibly Woody from toy story. Depending on which you prefer. in any case, I lay in a heap on the landing. I hit my back slightly on the door into the laundry room and I think my shoulder is a bit sore from it. Otherwise I’m fine– and Audrey seemed to be a bit startled, but she’s been active, so I’m not worried. I was worried a bit last night. Audrey is a much more mellow baby than Katie, Which is STUNNING to me, because Katie was very mellow once she was born, so maybe the opposite will happen here? As far as I can see though ladies and gents, Audrey is due to arrive any time from June 10th on. That is to say if I spontaneously go into labor at that point, they’ll let me go. WAHOO. Right? right? Anyway.  And then anytime from July 1st to 8th, I’ll have a c-section if I don’t pop first. 🙂

Crazy right?

The month of march was…. well it was BAD. Healthwise anyway. Katie and I were pretty much rockin’ a sickness every weekend (and sometimes during the week) I’m hoping April changes that. Right now i’m still trying to kick the end of a cold, that is trying very desperately to be some sort of sinus infection.  Mostly I find it annoying. Everything I eat tastes like… Snot. Gross right? yay for grossness. Poor Katie is recovering from the cold too. Plus we gave it to Drama queen, cause we’re sharing people like that.

I’m still searching my house for Katie clothes, soon to be Audrey clothes. I cannot think of where they might be. I am not the most organized mom in the world, apparently.

My Boss at work is helping me think of different things I can cook and freeze (yes!) and store for when i have the baby. Scott made this AWESOME Soup last night that is SOOO yummy (Seriously!) that I ate it for dinner last night, and lunch again today. I will be having it for dinner tonight as well. I love me some soup!! I will probably have him make a bunch of it, and then freeze it in Ziplock Bags in our new freezer.

Derringer Meryl [Good days and bad] Out

I just got home from the doctor, and it appears that I have 84 days until we have a brand new baby here. I will be given a c-section sometime in my 39th week. By my doctor’s measuring I’m 26w6d. (by my measure i’m only 25w4d)

So I might have a June baby! lol who knows at this point. we’ll see. My Blood pressure is good. I’ve still only gained 6 lbs (wahoo!) this pregnancy… and things feel good. I unfortunately have used up a LOT Of my time off this pregnancy (which is BAD) but I’ve had a baaaaaaaaaaaad march. Katie and I have been sick almost every weekend. This weekend was particularly bad due to katie being clingy and coughing and sick. Sneezing, sniffling, sick… it’s horrible. She looks really hung out to dry, poor girl. I was sooo tired … I am still. Katie is super rambunctious with her sickness too. I’m not sure why she’s so hyper, but it’s no good. I woke up saturday morning with her screaming and gasping for air at 5 am. I have had about 8 hours of sleep this weekend myself, mostly because I can’t get comfortable iwth katie sleeping on me.

On the upside I am in the processing of downloading more Jon and Kate plus 8 to watch… Scott and i will be re-arranging our bedroom later today. I hope we can get a few things done.  #1) nap. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [baby baby baby] out

After thinking about it, and thinking about myself…

I decided Audrey will have her own blessing dress. LOL Like anyone besides me cares LOL.

I’ve been poking around trying to find a nice and inexpensive one. And instead happened upon a nice and inexpensive Cedar chest that I fell in love with. Crazy, right? I’m like that. That’s how I roll.

I want to get a few pieces of furniture I’ve been pining for before Scott and I have our baby. Mostly this includes a curio and a cedar chest. (though secretly I’d love a freezer too, but it’s not really furniture, now is it?) I found a beautiful Curio on KSL yesterday too. If I were the richest woman in the world I’d pay someone (haha) to call about these things for me, because I want them, but I am afraid of talking to people on the phone. Which is weird considering my line of work. I prefer to chat. IE, discuss via instant message, or even talk in person. My preferred method of communication is chat and emoticons though. I’m just like that.

I’m also thinking (DUN DUN DUN) that after I have this baby I  might go on some anti anxiety meds. I’m not sure. This is a new thought. I hate taking medication– but I don’t want to inhibit my kids with my irrational fears of talking on the phone, being at other people’s homes, my social awkwardness…. etc etc. I do my best to be friendly, but I am not an outgoing person. I hope people realize I’m shy, and not a jerk. I find that I do my best with oddly gregarious people. When I think about it, I am usually happiest with those types of people. My father is very chatty with strangers (he’s just like that) Carebear is oddly friendly and was my best friend for many years and is now my SIL, and Drama Queen (despite being very anxiety ridden like me) is VERY gregarious! I try to be friendly and polite, I tend to think about it afterwards. At least I’m getting better at not beating myself up about it.

Scott and I have been making some decisions lately that we hope will lead to me being at home more (hopefully next year) not permanently home, I’d still need to work, but … I realized (while discussing with Sukie, who I would also say is a very thoughtful person, she’s very good at reaching out to people.) that I hold onto working very tightly because I use it as some sort of smoke screen for being, what I consider, a poor mother and wife.  Now before you all zoom to the comment button and say “OH NOES you are a fabulous person and sweet and kind and” … well you get the idea. 😉 I’d just like to say that I’m a very harsh critic of myself. When i went to the hospital a few weeks ago, I was VERY upset with myself for missing work and letting my co-workers down and not getting housework done (which I am STILL recovering from that) and I had to remind myself EVERY time I started getting worked up that I was actually legitimately SICK. I needed to be under hospitalization for dehydration (I am BAD with being hydrated) and that I couldn’t work myself TOO hard while I was recovering because it would just cause me to miss more work and be out of it more. Back to the topic of me using work as an excuse, I use it to not have dinner cooked, and not clean the house. I never see Katie but from 7:10 till bed time, and usually it ends up in a fight that makes me a bit resentful that I’m putting her to bed, which while I’m angry that she’s being a jerk about bed, I feel awful I’m not there for her more. Work for me is a selfish thing that I keep because it makes me make sense. (Which I would say is not the case for all working mothers, everyone has a different reason to work. Mine is a pathetic one.) I use my not being around so much as the reason I get upset with Katie and lose my patience. That If I were home more I’d be more used to her. Where I know somewhere in the back of my mind that it’s not true– I know I’d still lose patience with her, I just wouldn’t have the “excuse” any more. All moms get frustrated. And if there is a woman out there who doesn’t… Well bless her soul, she’s perfect.

I am looking forward to my 6 week postpartum vacation. I am hoping I can get the house in some sort of clean way before I go into labor/have my c-section (which ever comes first) that way people who visit or people who come to help (please come and help! Stairs are not my friend) won’t have to deal with my mess of a house. Things I’d like to have done BEFORE that time (yes I realize that it’s march and I have four months, but really, the house being cleaned is a FULL Time Job…. and I only have part time to do it in):

• Boxes in Dining room/Clutter in dining room put away, tossed, or Sent to DI (whatever is appropriate for said item.
• clean out clutter in bedrooms
• De-clutter laundry room, figure out some sort of organization to work for the four of us living there LOL 🙂
• Unpack boxes in the garage
• find Katie’s old clothes, wash them, and put them in new chest of drawers for Audrey
• get chest of drawers for Audrey
• Find a place for sewing stuff, pref UP from Katie.
• Freeze some pre-made dinners for us for after the baby. Take out or ramen noodles… i can’t live on that like I did last time LOL.
• OK this isn’t house work, but it’s one of Scott’s MAIN duties… Find stuff for me to watch while I nurse at all hours of the night 😉

I’m sure I can think of more when I’m at home. I need to get Katie’s 2 year pictures taken, and I am planning on a VERY small family party this year for her. Mostly her day will be us going fun Katie places, doing fun Katie things, and probably Cake, Ice Cream and Pizza at the end. I’m thinking maybe a Nemo Cake this year? I suggested Lightening McQueen and Scott objected saying he wants a girly girl. I say she’s 2, who cares? LOL.

Anyway. Maybe I can find some cute fishy cakes to make? I don’t want to be completely lazy for her birthday 🙂

Derringer Meryl [yeah I guess, whatever] Out

of gushing and mushing and this becoming a full on Mommy blog, can I say it’s an amazing thing to watch a child grow? Not only little Audrey (whom I realize at this point I’m not really WATCHING grow so much as I’m feeling her grow) but Katie who I look at her birthay pictures and think “WHOA! WTH!?” My little girl is getting so big, so fast. She can put her own shoes on now, and told Scott yesterday (after dragging her baby gate into our bedroom) “THIS WAS IN MY ROOM!” (She was mad that we gated her in) she still has a lot of room to grow, and while I think she’s absolutely amazing, i am not really a gushy mom who wells up in tears because her daughter is so beautiful, blah blah blah.
Mostly I well up in tears when she won’t go to bed and I hurt my back and I just want to sleep myself but I sleep like someone who has drank like 50 gallons of dr pepper.

Anyway, I suppose I should stray from my traditional topics (Twilight and babies) to say that I appreciate the person I am. I was watching Star Trek IV (warning, this is a story that Scott will roll his eyes at because I tell it so often) and I was asking him why they were on a Klingon Bird of Prey. I see the Geek glass half full and was really proud I knew what the hell a Klingon Bird of Prey is. I think I’m a special and unique person. I’m varied, and have multiple faucets. I wouldn’t really compare myself to a diamond, but I think i’m something shiney and neat. 🙂 I like learning about RANDOMLY stupid stuff (as Scott can attest I was learning about Azaria Chamberlain who is the baby in the phrase “A dingo ate my baby” where an Australian woman was not only wrongly imprisoned for the death of her child, she was said to have killed it in a most brutal manner. I oddly like learning about stuff like that. LIke the Chicken Coop Murders that The Changeling was based on. Yeah I’m weird.

Did you know that the little boy who helped kill those kids went on to be a mail man in Canada, got married and had two kids (both boys) Yeah. I do.

Also, I’m like… the biggest twilight geek ever. like… EVAR.

I also found an awesome Yoshi gamer quilt the other day. I’m trying to think of something to treat myself as a present because I never get a Birthday present because it’s so near Christmas … Not that the necklace that scott got me for V-day wasn’t awesome (cause SNAP it is!) but at the same time I never buy stuff for myself.. I dont’ think about myself ever! When i force myself to think about myself, it’s TOUGH. I did go to FYE (with a B-day Gift Certificate) and got myself some SWEET Anime that I was so looking forward to watching, but haven’t been able to yet because when I turn it on katie just says “NO NO NO!” until I turn it off. Blah. I’d love to own all of CCS (card captor sakura!! WHOO!) as it is the namesake of our next daughter (well not all of it, but I already own the Audrey Hepburn collection ;)) and not to mention I love LOVE LOVE myself some Cardcaptor Sakura. Seriously.

I also really want my books from shutterfly (beauty) printed off.. I love them. I have two I need to do. LOL I need to do a bunch of stuff. I want to have a collection of Katie pictures printed off and such too (scott did a bunch of them up to V-day last year! I need to do it again)

Ahh life. I feel good.

Derringer Meryl [happy day] Out