Undone

Oi. Drama Drama!! *dances* I love a good scandal. But that’s just because i’m a little … rude, and cruel.

Yeah, that must be it. I was reading the back of the FFX-2 box, and it says that she’s searching for her friend that maybe in danger… whatever. FRIEND?? I always thought of her and Tidus as more than friends ever since they took that late night swim together in the game (If you havent’ gotten that far, sue me. You’re obviously not going to get there by the time you get FFX-2)

*hmph* I swear to God that back must have been written by a man. I can almost guarentee it. No one else would use the word “Friend” when they mean “Lovers”

Honestly. What a freak. *mutters* I don’t know what is about the male gender and their slip up with that word. *leers* Never ever use that word. Ever. And like I say about most things, if you say it, mean it. No one likes to be promised things that can’t come true. No one likes to hear lies to make them feel better. If i wanted to be lied to, I’d ask for it. straight out. I’d say “Honey, Does this dress make me look fat?” I’d see the hesitation in a guys eyes and say “Lie to me to make me feel better.” Honest. If it’s a tough question, but you know that the lie wont’ hurt anything, and i mean KNOW that the lie won’t hurt anything… do it. I’m evil for saying it… but it’s called being polite. I don’t want to hear that you want to be my friend instead of my boyfriend– if you find me repulsive, say it. I’d rather hear that than try to keep up a friendship that i’m only investing in, because i thought YOU cared.

It’s no use, Trying to make up for it now. Just turn a new leaf over, and do what you need to. But If you want to end a relationship, and it’s going no where, and you can’t stand the other person, don’t say “Can we Just be friends?” because that’s false hope. It’s a lie. It’s crap. Like telling someone they can breathe underwater, and then when they can’t telling them that they must be doing something wrong. Use your brain… Usually you’ll figure out which is better– Lying, or telling the truth.

Oh, and not better for you. Cause contrary to your belief, life isn’t all about you. Or Me. So — do something nice for someone else, who cares if it screws YOU over. *shrugs* No one cares anyway.

Derringer Meryl [Bluntness is as Bluntness does] Out

So– Yeah.

I have school today. *nods* So. *shifts her eyes rapidly* that’s…. um…. where i’ll be.

Have i ever explained to you that m y brain sucks? FIckle and shifty. I get crushes on the oddest… okay, not oddest…. but i used to be a good girl, who only went after one guy at a time… and now i’m confused. I want

I want

I WANT!!

I want to do this and that

Hey, that’s just how girls are

One slip and it’s to hell you go

So you’d better not get in my way

Yippie for Lina Inverse. She’s my hero! *frowns* I’m more like Gourry than Lina (who is a red personality, whereas Gourry is Blue… 🙂 I wish I was more like her though. I simply have no spine. But that doesn’t mean i’m not loud and obnoxious like her…. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Aspiring Lina] Out

You are… YOU WERE MEANT FOR ME. Time heals all wounds… but you know better.

What Jewel song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I love Quizzes. I got this one off of HPgirl’s Live Journal *smiles* I’m no good with quick names. She mentions everyone’s real names in her Journal, but I sincerely don’t think she’s ever mentioned me. That’s okay. You wouldnt’ know anyway, right?

I need to add a little banner for her on my little side bar there. *smirks*

I’m still here, all hurt and what not. I really hope my foot feels better by tomorrow. I have a stint at work, and while I’d enjoy feeding off their sympathy for me (honest, I’m an emotional vampire, and it feels nice.) i’d rather not. I prefer concern, as other things seem to not satisfy the craving as much. *smiles* I’m a bad girl for manipulating people so…. but how can you replace genuine concern for someone, it’s a rush, I tell you, A RUSH! *blinks* And I couldn’t sound more like a psycho, could i?

Maybe, but it’s not something i’m trying for, at least right now. Wudan didn’t come to get his son today, his wife did, so it was a little weird. I thought i was still asleep… (as I have been for most of today) Blah. I needed some information from him on a job for Marco. *Frowns* Poor Marco. *smiles Nicely* One of my bestest friends ever.

Oi, Now I remember what I was going to write about! FFX-2 the first Final Fantasy Sequel ever! oKay, I must tone down the exclamation points, but i’ve been playing the demo today, and the fact that you can make the characters dress up like Pop-Idols and sing to kill the monsters (well sorta, sing to cast spells, they can’t actually kill the monster… which is quite annoying…) is very very entertaining to me. I have to get used to the Active time Battle again (oi, it’s a bit of a pain, especially with gun slingers…) And I’m glad it’s got strong female characters as role models for little girls…. (and as Eye candy for grown up boys. I know how it is, I work in a fetching game store…. I am eye candy.) I just wish more people would realize that even Rayne (from Blood Rayne) could be a good role model for children. She doesn’t take none of that NAZI crap! She’ll suck your blood and use you as a shield, yo! *smirks* Okay, maybe not for really young girls, but for girls who are in their teens and are having problems with the Male Pigs out there in the world. (as I did) You’re not ANYONE’S stepping stone, baby-maker, or dinner cooker. You do what you want… if he wants food… he can get off his lazy butt and do it himself. Let him miss five minutes of his precious hockey game, or quality television like “Debbie Does Dallas”

Honestly. I’ve run into guys like this. I worked with guys like this, I serve guys at my store like this. It sickens me. I’d rather vomit on their shoes than sell them a game i know is serving as some sort of sick subsitute for a girlfriend. (And i mean the sickest kind of substitute…. some of those games do NOT come back looking pretty….) *shudders* I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. The programmers in Japan, are very lonely lonely men. LONELY

Derringer Meryl [Enemy Inside of Me!] Out

I’m all laid up right here… that is to say, I can move about the house as easily… at all. I got some warts frozen off of my foot…. and it sorta sucks… I got new slippers and a new pair of Nightmare before Christmas Socks though… so that’s a happy. 🙂

I’ve jsut been spending today thinking, and wondering, and moving my little brain forward, instead of back… because back is counter productive, right?

something that i’ve noticed is that all good writers are liars. Exaggerators, whatever. I mean, you take the truth, and then you make it a drama. A really big horrible, earth shattering drama. Maybe that’s why I used to have a therapist, because i can’t seem to control the need to lie and it gets me into trouble. I don’t lie about stuff that matters… like stealing (never done it, won’t ever do it.) or emotions. I don’t exaggerate on any emotion except pain. (Not like ow… my foot, but like, you rat monger, you broke my heart! type pain) I tend to go for the guilt. I’m a bad girl. But ya know, i’m always willing to guilt myself into feeling bad… .so i’m an equal opportunity guilt person…. okay?

*sighs* Right. But I do, exaggerate a lot. Never about love, or those type feelings. But about situations. I never quite get the words right, and i tend to make people sound cooler than they are. Insert a few words into their mouth. I listen to what people say, and think of fifty other ways to say it, that could sound better, dirtier, or more sympathetic. I love the English Language.

And If you dont’ mind, i have to go crawl back up the stairs, so I can sleep…. and hopefully remember my dreams– because i’d like to know who i dream about. … maybe.

Derringer Meryl [Dreaming of ….?] Out

Blah.

People say, “Talking about it will make you feel better.” That’s a lie, because about five minutes after you’ve been talking, they just call you a freakin’ whiner. Can you see how i’m gettin mixed signals here? Besides. I’ve talked and talked and TALKED and i don’t feel ANY better about anything. I feel undone. Like i know how i feel, because i sit and HASH and RE-Hashed how i feel about things, and you’d know that if you’re a regular reader. I think about everything, very much. I’m insecure, i’m neurotic, and a little impulsive. When I feel angry about something, i don’t question that feeling, like i should, I just act on it. (shame on me, you’d think i’d have enough psychology NOT to.)

And I do talk about ME alot in this journal, but while you (the reader) may find bits and pieces of insight, this is mostly for me. Sure, i’m thrilled that people from all around the world read my whining for whatever reason (mostly looking for lyrics, actually) but it’s nice– to occasionally find out how people stumble in here. *points to counter* best thing ever! So you know, i don’t write this blog for you– you might find it insightful, or thought provoking to peak into the mind of a girl– but this is for me. 🙂 I’m just a selfish little bint, aren’t i?

I’ve been watching FMP, Full Metal Panic, which i find to be one of the best anime’s ever. It’s partially a mech anime… but unlike gundam (the most noted Mech Anime) it actually has a storyline that isn’t wound up in the mechs. Basically, it’s a romance, slightly awkward (Ala Love Hina) but i’m supposing they throw the mechs into the mix to keep the guys happy (girls watch for the romance, guys watch for the military mechs. 😉 overall, excellent. Funny, Fan Service (for the Otakus), and an intricate story line, allowing for the a-typical “Pervert” jokes (ala Love Hina) as well as the deep terrorism drama, makes for a very thrilling show. I’d recommend buying it all at once, waiting for all of the DVDS to be released one at a time can be frustrating, since most of the episodes have cliff-hanger endings. 🙂

Anyway, I have a story to write, (Fifty-eight reviews total!) I’m stoked, and hope to thrill my readers, and not disappoint.

Derringer Meryl [Do YOU love Asian DVDS?] Out