I do (as a pregnant woman) really have to go to the bathroom once an hour. Sometimes I can make it two…but not often. How annoying.

Things have been good here in lala land. I’m pleasantly suprised how much easier (JINX) that this pregnancy has been for me. Don’t ask me why. I can’t imagine everyone has harder first pregnancies. I think not gaining so much weight has really helped. I htink I’m up to like 6 or so lbs, which is good.

This month is crazy. Work has FOR SURE been crazy.  It’s been so stressful and out of whack that my co-workers are dropping like flies that have just been sprayed with heavy duty pesticides. We’re all tired, we could use a week or two off, that’s for sure. I don’t know what’s going to happen to everyone else when I (and another co-worker) go on maternity leave. It’ll be BIZZARE to be here, and probably pretty stressful. I hope our temps have the hang of things by then. I too have been a temp before. So I feel their pain. On the other hand… I wish they knew more. All with time I suppose.

Do I talk about baby stuff too much? Probably. I don’t care. it’s what’s on my mind the most. I can’t help it.  Katie is starting to kind of, sort of grasp that there is a baby in my tummy. We were looking at pictures online today of one of my online buddies that just had a baby, and she had a pic of prior to labor and her baby afterwards, So I showed Katie that she had a baby in her belly like Mommy and that then the baby came out, and i showed her the pictures of the baby. She said “AWWW baby!” and then i told her Audrey is in my belly and will come out soon too. Katie pointed and said “baby!” and I asked her if she wanted to kiss the baby, and she gave my tummy a kiss. She can be so pleasant sometimes…. othertimes NOT so pleasant.

I am trying to kick my crafting into high gear and finish Audrey’s quilt. You should be laughing becase A) I just found my presser foot for my sewing machine earlier this week (or was it last week) and I haven’t even pulled out the material to start working. HAHA HAHAHA. The funny thing? This quilt I had planned for Midori’s some day baby. I bought the fabric because it was cute, and I can’t resist cute. I’m stealing it from Midori though and Audrey is getting it. i guess it’s not really stealing since I hadn’t given it to her yet. LOL.
There was some fabric i was In L-O-V-E with. I cannot find it. I don’t know the maker, i don’t know the name of the pattern. I do know that it was light blue background with yellow cows (jumping over the moon, of course)  pink cats, green dogs, etc etc. It was beautiful. I loved it. I cannot find it anywhere now. I found it originally when Carebear was preggo with squirt. I wanted to get it, but it was one of those fabrics that you see, fall in love with, look at the price, and put back. LOL. Designer, for sure. I would LOVE to have a nursing cover out of it, or … anything. Seriously, anything out of that fabric would be magic. LOL.

Ok I’m distracted now. Must go insearch of that fabric… beauty.

Derringer Meryl [search search search….] Out

After thinking about it, and thinking about myself…

I decided Audrey will have her own blessing dress. LOL Like anyone besides me cares LOL.

I’ve been poking around trying to find a nice and inexpensive one. And instead happened upon a nice and inexpensive Cedar chest that I fell in love with. Crazy, right? I’m like that. That’s how I roll.

I want to get a few pieces of furniture I’ve been pining for before Scott and I have our baby. Mostly this includes a curio and a cedar chest. (though secretly I’d love a freezer too, but it’s not really furniture, now is it?) I found a beautiful Curio on KSL yesterday too. If I were the richest woman in the world I’d pay someone (haha) to call about these things for me, because I want them, but I am afraid of talking to people on the phone. Which is weird considering my line of work. I prefer to chat. IE, discuss via instant message, or even talk in person. My preferred method of communication is chat and emoticons though. I’m just like that.

I’m also thinking (DUN DUN DUN) that after I have this baby I  might go on some anti anxiety meds. I’m not sure. This is a new thought. I hate taking medication– but I don’t want to inhibit my kids with my irrational fears of talking on the phone, being at other people’s homes, my social awkwardness…. etc etc. I do my best to be friendly, but I am not an outgoing person. I hope people realize I’m shy, and not a jerk. I find that I do my best with oddly gregarious people. When I think about it, I am usually happiest with those types of people. My father is very chatty with strangers (he’s just like that) Carebear is oddly friendly and was my best friend for many years and is now my SIL, and Drama Queen (despite being very anxiety ridden like me) is VERY gregarious! I try to be friendly and polite, I tend to think about it afterwards. At least I’m getting better at not beating myself up about it.

Scott and I have been making some decisions lately that we hope will lead to me being at home more (hopefully next year) not permanently home, I’d still need to work, but … I realized (while discussing with Sukie, who I would also say is a very thoughtful person, she’s very good at reaching out to people.) that I hold onto working very tightly because I use it as some sort of smoke screen for being, what I consider, a poor mother and wife.  Now before you all zoom to the comment button and say “OH NOES you are a fabulous person and sweet and kind and” … well you get the idea. 😉 I’d just like to say that I’m a very harsh critic of myself. When i went to the hospital a few weeks ago, I was VERY upset with myself for missing work and letting my co-workers down and not getting housework done (which I am STILL recovering from that) and I had to remind myself EVERY time I started getting worked up that I was actually legitimately SICK. I needed to be under hospitalization for dehydration (I am BAD with being hydrated) and that I couldn’t work myself TOO hard while I was recovering because it would just cause me to miss more work and be out of it more. Back to the topic of me using work as an excuse, I use it to not have dinner cooked, and not clean the house. I never see Katie but from 7:10 till bed time, and usually it ends up in a fight that makes me a bit resentful that I’m putting her to bed, which while I’m angry that she’s being a jerk about bed, I feel awful I’m not there for her more. Work for me is a selfish thing that I keep because it makes me make sense. (Which I would say is not the case for all working mothers, everyone has a different reason to work. Mine is a pathetic one.) I use my not being around so much as the reason I get upset with Katie and lose my patience. That If I were home more I’d be more used to her. Where I know somewhere in the back of my mind that it’s not true– I know I’d still lose patience with her, I just wouldn’t have the “excuse” any more. All moms get frustrated. And if there is a woman out there who doesn’t… Well bless her soul, she’s perfect.

I am looking forward to my 6 week postpartum vacation. I am hoping I can get the house in some sort of clean way before I go into labor/have my c-section (which ever comes first) that way people who visit or people who come to help (please come and help! Stairs are not my friend) won’t have to deal with my mess of a house. Things I’d like to have done BEFORE that time (yes I realize that it’s march and I have four months, but really, the house being cleaned is a FULL Time Job…. and I only have part time to do it in):

• Boxes in Dining room/Clutter in dining room put away, tossed, or Sent to DI (whatever is appropriate for said item.
• clean out clutter in bedrooms
• De-clutter laundry room, figure out some sort of organization to work for the four of us living there LOL 🙂
• Unpack boxes in the garage
• find Katie’s old clothes, wash them, and put them in new chest of drawers for Audrey
• get chest of drawers for Audrey
• Find a place for sewing stuff, pref UP from Katie.
• Freeze some pre-made dinners for us for after the baby. Take out or ramen noodles… i can’t live on that like I did last time LOL.
• OK this isn’t house work, but it’s one of Scott’s MAIN duties… Find stuff for me to watch while I nurse at all hours of the night 😉

I’m sure I can think of more when I’m at home. I need to get Katie’s 2 year pictures taken, and I am planning on a VERY small family party this year for her. Mostly her day will be us going fun Katie places, doing fun Katie things, and probably Cake, Ice Cream and Pizza at the end. I’m thinking maybe a Nemo Cake this year? I suggested Lightening McQueen and Scott objected saying he wants a girly girl. I say she’s 2, who cares? LOL.

Anyway. Maybe I can find some cute fishy cakes to make? I don’t want to be completely lazy for her birthday 🙂

Derringer Meryl [yeah I guess, whatever] Out

of gushing and mushing and this becoming a full on Mommy blog, can I say it’s an amazing thing to watch a child grow? Not only little Audrey (whom I realize at this point I’m not really WATCHING grow so much as I’m feeling her grow) but Katie who I look at her birthay pictures and think “WHOA! WTH!?” My little girl is getting so big, so fast. She can put her own shoes on now, and told Scott yesterday (after dragging her baby gate into our bedroom) “THIS WAS IN MY ROOM!” (She was mad that we gated her in) she still has a lot of room to grow, and while I think she’s absolutely amazing, i am not really a gushy mom who wells up in tears because her daughter is so beautiful, blah blah blah.
Mostly I well up in tears when she won’t go to bed and I hurt my back and I just want to sleep myself but I sleep like someone who has drank like 50 gallons of dr pepper.

Anyway, I suppose I should stray from my traditional topics (Twilight and babies) to say that I appreciate the person I am. I was watching Star Trek IV (warning, this is a story that Scott will roll his eyes at because I tell it so often) and I was asking him why they were on a Klingon Bird of Prey. I see the Geek glass half full and was really proud I knew what the hell a Klingon Bird of Prey is. I think I’m a special and unique person. I’m varied, and have multiple faucets. I wouldn’t really compare myself to a diamond, but I think i’m something shiney and neat. 🙂 I like learning about RANDOMLY stupid stuff (as Scott can attest I was learning about Azaria Chamberlain who is the baby in the phrase “A dingo ate my baby” where an Australian woman was not only wrongly imprisoned for the death of her child, she was said to have killed it in a most brutal manner. I oddly like learning about stuff like that. LIke the Chicken Coop Murders that The Changeling was based on. Yeah I’m weird.

Did you know that the little boy who helped kill those kids went on to be a mail man in Canada, got married and had two kids (both boys) Yeah. I do.

Also, I’m like… the biggest twilight geek ever. like… EVAR.

I also found an awesome Yoshi gamer quilt the other day. I’m trying to think of something to treat myself as a present because I never get a Birthday present because it’s so near Christmas … Not that the necklace that scott got me for V-day wasn’t awesome (cause SNAP it is!) but at the same time I never buy stuff for myself.. I dont’ think about myself ever! When i force myself to think about myself, it’s TOUGH. I did go to FYE (with a B-day Gift Certificate) and got myself some SWEET Anime that I was so looking forward to watching, but haven’t been able to yet because when I turn it on katie just says “NO NO NO!” until I turn it off. Blah. I’d love to own all of CCS (card captor sakura!! WHOO!) as it is the namesake of our next daughter (well not all of it, but I already own the Audrey Hepburn collection ;)) and not to mention I love LOVE LOVE myself some Cardcaptor Sakura. Seriously.

I also really want my books from shutterfly (beauty) printed off.. I love them. I have two I need to do. LOL I need to do a bunch of stuff. I want to have a collection of Katie pictures printed off and such too (scott did a bunch of them up to V-day last year! I need to do it again)

Ahh life. I feel good.

Derringer Meryl [happy day] Out

First of all… TGIF

Nextly… let’s recap the week. Monday, i went to my dr’s appt, All is well. Our little one (stay tuned to the entry to hear her name) is still a girl, and smaller than Katie was when Katie was 21 weeks (Kate was already 1lb and then some, this baby is still only 15 oz, but they say it’s just fine!)  She got all the measurements and everything, and I started to feel VERY lightheaded. Turns out, the baby was laying on a blood vessel, that i kind of needed for… blood vessel activities… like… transporting blood and what not. But our Girl is still a girl, and I am still shocked!

Then the real fun kicked in. Scott had taken me out for a Belated Valentines get away, that we both really needed, and while we were off having fun, Katie was at Lorna’s vomiting up a storm. Poor thing. Well she thought she was having so much fun, she passed the junk onto me, which turns out, i don’t have the immune system of an almost 2 year old, and got pretty sick. I was agonizing at work with some bad cramps and bad stomach pains that eventually turned into vomiting (how embarassing) I was sick half of tuesday, fine wednesday (weirdly) and then sick on Thursday. 🙁 I had to go to L&D my dr’s office said between the vomiting, and the crying (I’d done a lot) and various other forms of losing fluid I wasn’t getting enough back in. SO, Yeah. They sent me to Labor and Delivery. I have read enough blogs of L&D nurses to know that if you’re there before 39 weeks and you don’t have baby legs sticking out of you, they’re probably thinking you’re crazy for being there. Everyone was very nice though. I felt like a moron that I couldn’t hydrate myself well. i asked the nurse what I could do to keep things down better. She suggested that if i’m prone to gulping water (I am) to have ice chips or warm water (as it’s less refreshing but hydrates the same) poor scott got dragged with me while  I got to sit in bed (uncomfortable bed) andlisten to our baby  kick the heartbeat monitor. She was having fun. At least someone was! LOL. They ran a bunch of tests, and found nothing wrong (over all) except a slight infection that I’ll be taking some meds for, but it wasn’t the root of my problem. They gave me a shot of phenegrine (or something like that) to help me not throw up. And man, the IV was great too (even though I hate needles, I knew I needed it to feel better) I came home and laid around for a while, and snoozed. I had like a handful of french fries and called it dinner. Yep. I’m a genius. I know. LOL. I feel much better today, and Have yet to feel like puking. I do think I’ll be resting tomorrow though to feel better. Also I need to round up someone to do nursery as I feel still pretty weak. I don’t want to pass this bug onto the kids (if possible, I’m sure if the parents knew they’d thank me!) I had plans of cleaning and laundry and such, but I’m fairly sure it will actually entail watching TV, and wrangling Katie…. and trying to let Scott sleep as much as possible.  Since Drama queen will be out, if anyone wants to come and help me wrangle Katie 😉 You’re welcome to. But let’s not judge my VERY VERY VERY messy house, ok? 😀

Mostly right now i”m craving a BIG OLE BURGER. Something big and greasy you’d get at a good ole mom and pop’s burger joint. 🙂  But, I’m trying not to push it. Heck this morning I thought I was pushing it with one of those mini breakfast sandwiches from BK

Oh, did you want to know the name? Since apparently some people know and others don’t and to be honest– I’m kind of forgetting who and who. Sorry. I’m just doing the mass “Hey guess what” type thing and just saying, yep her name is…. Audrey Sakura.

Don’t like it? Good for you 😉 It’s not your baby.

Derringer Meryl [need sleep… or food… or both!] Out

Let me start off by saying that this month has been one of the best EVER. which is a stark contrast with some of the past February’s in my life. Valentines day has never been my favorite day ever… and this year Scott worked, but… well let’s do things in order.

First of all I got to attend my brother’s wedding. I have never ever before been able to attend a sibling of  mine’s wedding. (ETA, I’ve realized that this isn’t true, I attended Wudan’s wedding. That’s right. I’m a space cadet. I didn’t mean to be insensitive, I meant it was the first time I’d attended a temple wedding. Also, I was really immature and unmarried when Wudan got married, so I don’t think I appreciated it as much… if that makes sense? A wedding is a wedding is a wedding until you have one and realize how special and important it is being with someone who loves you. I love Sukie and Wudan, they had a beautiful wedding, and they love each other SO much it really does boggle my mind. They may not be smooshy like some couples, but I know they love each other, it is so evident in their manner…. but back to your previously scheduled program) So this was really special for me. It was a beautiful day. I am so happy for both of them. I’m so pleased! I wish I could find all the words and images to explain to everyone how beautiful and memorable the day ways. The Ballerina (as she’s called) was sweet and lovable, I’m so happy that she’s my Sister in law now. She’s very sweet and kind. She makes the Specialist VERY happy.

Then on Valentines day we took Scribbles and Katie to Kangaroo Zoo. Katie bounced and played and went down on the slides, she was having a great time. We went from there to the Ultrasound place in the mall. We had a gender determination Ultrasound, and got some pictures…. I’ll have to get Scott to scan them in. And we know for sure IT’S A GIRL!! I have seen a lot of ultrasounds and a lot of double checking on Katie, so I know what a girl looks like on ultrasound now days. Scott says the baby is HUGE, but we didn’t get any measurements taken since it was JUST gender determination. a lot of people are wary of Mall stores that do ultrasounds, but mine was performed by an OBGYN, he was nice too.  We’ll be going back in on March 3 to my regular OBGYN to get another Ultrasound, in case anyone is skeptical. 😉 Since Katie is going to be a big sister, we got her a big girl bed. She’s been sleeping in it for a few nights, and everything has been going really well. She got Hello Kitty Sheets, and she ‘s in love. Scott tells me though that she wanted to get some “Cars” sheets. She’s in love with that movie. She has seen it at least 4 times today.

Since we weren’t able to do anything too romantic on V-day, Scott has set up for us (at some point, he won’t tell me, because it’s a secret) to go to a B&B for some time away. Scott got a flat screen monitor for his computer (how terribly romantic, right?? I’m like that.) which he’s excited about so he doesn’t have to haul his heavy monitors to LAN parties. Scott finally confessed to me that in addition to the night out at the B&B he has also commissioned a custom necklace to be made for me. It has my birth stone as well as scott’s and Katie’s birth stone in it. I’m excited.

So many exciting things now days.

Derringer Meryl [CRAZY] Out