Undone

First off, it’s not quite time yet,but i thought i’d spring this out early Happy Birthday Monkey!!!! With that said, I’d like to continue on with a rather interesting issue I was discussing with myself earlier. 🙂 Not that Monkey isn’t the bestest guy friend ever. Er. I can’t say that, i have mostly guy friends. Um…. The bestest ex boyfriend ever…. were we dating? I don’t know. Sheesh… i’m stickin’ with that one though.

So you can see the image that i put on Monkey’s card that has a story behind it. that’s Chii from the anime Chobits. I love it. It’s a complex esosteric storyline that i couldn’t explain to you if i took the time, which i’m not because i really should be in bed so i can wake up early tomorrow and not die from it. 🙂 Right. Story.

Well see, Red and I, we’re Chii. we both think she’s pretty but luckily there’s two of her. A dark Chii (Red, traditionally) and a light Chii (me, of course!) Now in Chobits one isn’t evil and one good. Nope. One is simply older than the other so the older one wears darker clothes (i’m older than Red, but that really has no meaning here.) So… Yeah. This Chii pictured above looks … vulnerable. Scared (just a little), but mostly she looks incredibly sexy without being slutty (there’s a thin line)

Now, I admit. I’m not going to wake up asian. I’m not going to wake up with blonde hair. I’m not going to wake up with bigger boobs or smaller thighs and a trim waist. I realize that most of these things are rather attainable, except of course becoming asian…. though some people seem to think that I look asian anyway– Hm. But see, it’s like how sexy she is comes from within. I want that. I want to capture the innocence that seems to leak from within. It’s frustrating.

I guess my main flaw is the fact that all i do is look at other people and say to myself “I wish I could be like that” or “I wish I could look like her” I’m spending my life wishing i was someone else instead of enjoying me.

Now if i only knew who I was to enjoy… if that makes sense.

I gotta love myself — otherwise i’m going to spend my life wondering why anyone does, or doesn’t.

I wonder if there is some balance between a guy who thinks i’m beautiful and cute and entrancing, and a guy who wants to jump me. Oh, and a guy who hates my guts. I so very much wish to find him.

Derringer Meryl [Needing some balance] Out

well, see, I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a pickle… sorta…. uh– double booked myself, Isnt’ that spiffy?? I thought so… I said I could do a debate tourny (judging, which means I get paid a little!) and that I could work on saturday. *blinks*

Hopefully everything works out. *nods*

I think I need to do a lyric spew… and i’m not sure as to what. Most of the new songs I’ve downloaded, well, they’re good, and i like them, but… they just arent’… my thing. (coughs) Right.

have you ever noticed, that is if you watch anime like i do, that anime holds several re-occurring themes (no I don’t mean like mechs… or unrequited love) I mean, duplicity. Reincarnation (in the sense that there can be more than one of you at once… blah… it’s hard to explain) The body as a shell, being reproduced multiple times and the soul simply moving from shell to shell. Tarot Cards are big, yep, telling the future… Uh… lechers. And panty thiefs. One, like me, who doesn’t know that much about Japan might surmise that all the boys are timid pervs and all the girls outlandish (but cute) school girls.

i’m not saying that’s how it is, i’m just saying that’s what it may be perceived as such. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Thinking too much] Out

Oi. Life hates me. Want to see?

Barbie is being sold at an insane price, here on Ebay, Mom says she’ll help me bid on it tomorrow. 🙂 Huzzah. 🙂 So, happy for that. Then, Inuyasha’s second part is being sold now. I thought i’d have to wait until February to get the newest one. I’m so excited. That means a whole bunch of Ram will be freed on my computer once I can afford that. Psh. *coughs* and THEN There’s Full Metal Panic (FMP) and Full Metal Panic Fumoffu (only the first eight episodes, but STILL) why does this all show up after Christmas?

Mou!

All this stuff, and I have books to buy. While some people say “Don’t buy them” But then again– i’m not very good at studying without them. HOnest. I have no work ethic. Not to mention– I sorta want to. So, tomorrow I’m going to go buy a basket load of books (nine) adding up to about $350. Fun, eh? And I’m excited, Just because I’m spending a whole paycheck, and then some.

Oi. And it’s not on anything fun, nope, just… stuff.

Derringer Meryl [School Prospects] OUt

Merry Christmas.

Oh and for those of you, like me, who are wondering what Mou Means– it’s japanese, and it roughly means:

to mourn, to lament

Tada, aren’t i the little freak?

Right, um… well, i need to go finish watching Slayers and so… yeah. I’m pretty tired too. Not to mention I need to be up in roughly seven hours to open Christmas Presents. *smiles* Happy. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Joy To The World] Out

Sunday before Christmas, and I’m done. I’ve got the cards written, I’ve got some of the presents delivered… and i’m feeling good. Tomorrow my Dad and I have to scurry off in the hussle and bustle to finish my mom’s Christmas shopping.

I went to the mall and found out that Marco was working there, which is something that everyone but me knew. *shrugs* I got to hang out with my friend for the weekend, and give her her present, as well as her brother…. who is also an Anime freak like me, but he’s a lot nicer than any other Anime boi i know. *laughs* Not at all like Miroku. heh.

Lets see, what else? Ah right, the topic for the day.

I wanted to write about this last night, but then I got all tired, so I didn’t get to. I was watching Sabrina but not the new one, which I enjoy thoroughly, but the older one with Bogie and Audrey Hepburn…. Yeah. It was….

I’d give a lot to be as pretty as Audrey Hepburn… anyway. I was thinking about… nothign like that happens nowadays.

heck, i don’t think it even happened back then… It’s sad. It’s sad that we’ve all become so eternally wrapped up in our day to day life that everything that’s romantic about being alive has been sucked out of it by the hum drum rut the entire world is in.

Maybe I have a little too much Anne of Green Gables running through my blood. I dont know. But I want someone to chase after me when I run, instead of saying “OH, there’s always more fish in the sea….” I want someone who says “I dont’ want any of those fish, I want her.” Is that so much? Is that insane to wish for? Sometimes, yeah, you have to let go, and move on– but how do you know when which is which…

Take for example my brother, the Specialist, and his wife, Antigone. He was keen on her. It was cute too. Cause he was like… OKay, I won’t say that…. cause i don’t want to be bruised for my birthday– but he had a case on her. But she kept saying “I just want to be friends…” and he would back off, give her some time, and then ask her out again… and he kept doing it, until she stopped asking to just be friends…. and then they got married. They’re well suited for each other…. Honest, if you saw them, you’d tip your head to the side, and make that “awww” noise. I can guarantee it.

Because while they argue like cats and dogs, you know it’s because my brother is stubborn, and so is his wife. so it’s extra cute. 🙂

Anyway– why doesn’t stuff like that happen to me? I’ve been on one date where the guy asked me. Maybe two, and it was the same guy– ya know? And he wasn’t anyone I seriously dated.

I asked Monkey out. Don’t get me wrong, he took me places… but it always felt like I was initiating it. *shrugs* that should have been a tip off. I asked my First boy friend out. I asked every guy i went out with In High school, out. And I’ve been all rejected before too. *coughs* Miroku. *coughs*

who cares, he’s a lech anyway.

Derringer Meryl [Girls Like Jerks…] Out