Undone

First off, it’s not quite time yet,but i thought i’d spring this out early Happy Birthday Monkey!!!! With that said, I’d like to continue on with a rather interesting issue I was discussing with myself earlier. 🙂 Not that Monkey isn’t the bestest guy friend ever. Er. I can’t say that, i have mostly guy friends. Um…. The bestest ex boyfriend ever…. were we dating? I don’t know. Sheesh… i’m stickin’ with that one though.

So you can see the image that i put on Monkey’s card that has a story behind it. that’s Chii from the anime Chobits. I love it. It’s a complex esosteric storyline that i couldn’t explain to you if i took the time, which i’m not because i really should be in bed so i can wake up early tomorrow and not die from it. 🙂 Right. Story.

Well see, Red and I, we’re Chii. we both think she’s pretty but luckily there’s two of her. A dark Chii (Red, traditionally) and a light Chii (me, of course!) Now in Chobits one isn’t evil and one good. Nope. One is simply older than the other so the older one wears darker clothes (i’m older than Red, but that really has no meaning here.) So… Yeah. This Chii pictured above looks … vulnerable. Scared (just a little), but mostly she looks incredibly sexy without being slutty (there’s a thin line)

Now, I admit. I’m not going to wake up asian. I’m not going to wake up with blonde hair. I’m not going to wake up with bigger boobs or smaller thighs and a trim waist. I realize that most of these things are rather attainable, except of course becoming asian…. though some people seem to think that I look asian anyway– Hm. But see, it’s like how sexy she is comes from within. I want that. I want to capture the innocence that seems to leak from within. It’s frustrating.

I guess my main flaw is the fact that all i do is look at other people and say to myself “I wish I could be like that” or “I wish I could look like her” I’m spending my life wishing i was someone else instead of enjoying me.

Now if i only knew who I was to enjoy… if that makes sense.

I gotta love myself — otherwise i’m going to spend my life wondering why anyone does, or doesn’t.

I wonder if there is some balance between a guy who thinks i’m beautiful and cute and entrancing, and a guy who wants to jump me. Oh, and a guy who hates my guts. I so very much wish to find him.

Derringer Meryl [Needing some balance] Out