Undone

Awkward. I’m always so awkward. I trip over my own feet, and I’m not meaning on purpose.

I wish that I wasn’t such a klutz, because every word I say comes out wrong, and people take offense, and i end up shoving my foot in my mouth, over all I wish sometimes that I could be a little bit more balanced.

Ya know, like, not all insane, maybe slightly attractive to someone besides — I dont’ know some sort of horny tree squirrel.

No — I don’t look like a nut. I am one, but I don’t look like one. There’s a difference.

I wish I was pretty. Serious. Guys say I am, but then they end up saying that I’m too much like their little sister to date. What the heck! I mean, I’m not sure what’s grosser–

The fact I’m little sister like-

Or the fact that some guys find their little sister hot.

I’m just tired of being left in the rain when everyone has their hunny to snuggle up to when it’s cold outside.

I have a penguin.

And despite what you may have heard, penguins are not as warm as you might assume.

Derringer Meryl [and the one little duck] Out

PS: Microsoft today– not as special as it could have been.

It’s amazing, how everything can go so wrong–

and in the end turn out so right!

So last night was Winter Ball a little less dressy than prom, but still a nice dance. It was girls choice (lucky for me) and so I took a really good friend of mine. He’s a super guy, ad when I mean super, I mean he’s all around the best guy I know.

Really.

He’s super sweet, and even though we’re not really romantically attatched, he made me feel like a princess all night long. I was super excited to go with him, cause (lest I rave on more) he’s a great guy and (whispers to reader) I really like him, but I’m trying to not get attatched, because he’s leaving on his mission soon. *nods*

We danced to a song, that I used to hate. It was the first song I ever slow danced to, and that was unfortunately with my ex. Without delving into too much detail about my ex, he was a jerk. Last night, none of it was about spite, or to get over him, or because I had to– It was all about having fun, and hanging out…..

And slow dancing with one of the most charming, handsome, and dashing guys ever.

I think i’ll just have to write him a letter. He really– I mean… WOW. It meant something to me– it may have just been in the school commons area (If you don’t know what a commons is, ask me, I’ll tell ya later) but It seemed like I was in a magical place.

I was smiling for real again.

I haven’t smiled for real since the sixth grade. Have you ever had those smiles that are so big, and so genuine that it hurts your face? I have. I haven’t smiled like that in so long– I’d forgotten the feeling.

I was giddy. LIke real giddy. Not emotional rollercoaster girl because I wasn’t trying to cover it up– what ever I was feeling. I felt real. I loved it.

I wouldn’t have been able to have had that much fun with anyone else (at this point in time). I’m so glad it all worked out so well. I love being able to feel all of this emotion again. I’d really forgotten what it was like.

I didn’t even want to kiss him or anything. I just wanted to dance, and to smile, and to skate, and to spend all my time with him.

Because he makes me real again.

Derringer Meryl [I hope you had the time of your] Out

Here’s a little ego trip for ya…..

Every guy (there’s only been a few, but still) that I meet off of the net, ends up not talking to me any more after I meet them.

Maybe it’s because I don’t always think before I speak in real life. Or maybe it’s because i’m horrifically disfigured.

or maybe, i’m just displeasing?

I think that’s it, cause even guys that got past my horrid looks, didn’t get along with me.

I’m a nervous girl, and unless they tell me what they’re thinking, and can look me in the eyes and tell me

“I think you’re great, and I like you the way you are.”

I won’t believe them. I hate playing shadowboxer, like i have to be on defense all the time.

Damn you (That is to say my ex boyfriend). I do believe you’ve scarred me for life, and trust me, Kharma will have it’s revenge on you!!

I’m the little sister

I’m the one that hides

Daydreaming

Blushing

But I can confess

all the feelings

all the words

inside of me

I can tell them to you

You won’t hear them

No you won’t

Cause you don’t see me

None of you

See me.

Derringer Meryl [Imagine me] Out

Such a naughty girl am I! I didn’t update after my date. *grins wickedly*

Shame.

ANyway, It was rather interesting, from my point of view, I took an hour trying to find his house ([sarcasm]Thanks Yahoo, you’re directions were SO helpful[/sarcasm]) and of course I finally found it, but Then we had to go and find the place it was at (Go Counting Crows!) And, that was an adventure that took two hours of finding it.

Anyway, we went, had a lot of fun, and the nice thing was that my date didn’t even know who the Counting Crows were, and still went. 😉 He’s a doll for that.

We went to dinner after and the whole hootenanny of a date ended around Midnight. (smiles) It was fun, and I was grateful for the fun, I don’t seem to get my daily intake.

*hugs* I think I’ll go to Winter Ball with him… *crosses her fingers* I hope.

Anyway, I know this is short, but I”m busy trying to think of two things:

a)How to fix my dress, so It’s modest (ie has sleeves…. ya know.. er yeah)

b)How to ask him, so it’s really cute.

Anyway, Ta for now

Derringer Meryl [Hey Mrs Potter won’t you talk to me] Out

I think Dating is the most time consuming thing on this planet. I mean, first you have to think of who you want to date, then you have to get the guts to ask them, then you have to plan a date, and pay for it, and pick them up and drive and….

*sighs*

I hate the fact that every date I go on…. I’m in charge. It’s me. I ask the guy– I’m the dominant person on the date, I hate it.

Even when other guys ask me out (which has been all but twice, shocker) I’m still the person who goes and makes conversation, and everything– and I’m tired.

I want to be pampered like a princess, but I won’t be, because no guy believes it…. It’s probably my own fault that no guy believes that I”m a princess. I’m just too stubborn and to… far out there. I feel like I’ve been stuck in a really tall tower– and all the other princesses are getting rescued, but I just have to sit and wait.

I still have to figure out how I’m supposed to rescue myself from the dragon or whatever. I mean– Here I am, princess and all, stuck in this tower, and It feels like every other girl has a prince charming, but me. Me the fairy tale writer says, “she’s too cunning, and witty to be rescued, she scares those princes off. Well this is a conundrum….”

and he leaves me there for lack of anything better to do with me. Just leaves me there. So I have to cut off my own hair, slay my OWN dragon, and then go hunt someone down who wants a partially burnt, short haired princess. You wanna know who wants that?

No one. Not even a blind guy cause of the burnt smell. People can’t get beyond what they see, and the rough exterior to see me.

How can I be so lonely in a world that has 6 billion people. (6,000,000,000)

Happy day Meryl– you are missing the other half of your soul.

Derringer Meryl [Stalker extrordinare] Out