Mar
29
2013
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Something controversial I support

I’m going to say it. It’s not something I normally shout out. It’s something that normally, at least from what i’ve noticed, is frowned on.

Abortion.

That being said, you may want to leave this thread. If you’re pregnant, I suggest leaving. If you want to have a rousing argument, you may want to go as well.

I’m not here to tout the wonderfulness of aborting a baby. I’m here to say that people should have a choice. I do not espouse promiscuity, or irresponsible choices or even killing babies. I love babies. You can ask anyone I know. I espouse the ability to make a choice legally, and the right to do so. It’s not a choice I normally would not make, but I cannot judge in the many various situations that people of the world may be in. I can tell you some facts that I’ve learned, through an unfortunate turn of personal experiences.

When I was 19, I got married. To my wonderful husband. We decided, shortly after I turned 20, to stop preventing conception and start actively trying to have a baby. After three months of trying, I got pregnant. I was RIDICULOUSLY excited. The moment I saw the words “Pregnant” on the little test I had purchased, I was SO excited. I don’t think, in all of the world, any woman could have been as excited as me. (Hyperbole maybe, but I was young, and pure and excited.) I got powerfully ill. VERY bad morning sickness. I threw up a lot. I remember at one point praying for God to stop the sickness. I would do anything. I don’t blame God for what happened next, but I felt foolish for the prayer I had said.  One day I came home early from work, and felt uneasy. Scott and I had an argument (I’m 100% about something stupid) and I was bleeding. it was faint, the nurse on the line when I called assured me that was normal. I felt panicked. I requested to go to the doctor. They got me an appointment. I had a blessing. I scheduled it for my anniversary (one year with my awesome Scott Husband! It should have been a great day!) We went to the doctor, he did an ultrasound. I remember getting teary at the Ultrasound. It was AMAZING. there was my tiny baby.  I could see it’s tiny nub arms, and it’s head. I was in love. I had, with my husband, made a little person. They were going to be my baby, and I would hold them forever in my arms. Moments later… I heard the saddest words ever, “Oh darn. There’s no heartbeat.” I was broken hearted. I felt my life shatter into a million pieces. I was presented with two options. I could wait for the baby to pass from my system naturally, or I could have a D&C. For you mormons out there, this isn’t Doctrine and Covenants. It’s Dilation and curettage. The doctor explained the procedure. I signed up for it. I went home, with the feeling for the next week with the sad feeling of knowing that I was carrying my baby inside of me. Knowing that every cramp, the pain in my back, was my body getting ready to expel it. My anniversary, to say the least, was ruined. It was really though, the last of my concerns.

I had to take work off, which of course meant that I was losing pay. I took a week off to recover. Not enough time. How much time do you take off for the loss of a child? I loved that baby. I wanted in my arms. I wanted to see it’s cute smiles, and watch it suck it’s thumb and coo and cry and HECK poo all over. I carry that baby in my heart. I assume it was a little boy. In my heart that’s what I’ve always seen. He would have been 7 this year.

The real blow to me, the innocent little 20 year old girl who was conservative in every way. Who saw the world in black and white, who loved her baby and could never EVER understand why a person would have an abortion. Got a bill in the mail. For the D&C she had to undergo, on which it stated I had an abortion. I wish I could have cried. I wish there had been tears left in me for it at that point. All was left was pain, and disbelief. Ever since then, I never wanted anyone to feel that shame. People will say, when I tell them this story “your baby was already gone.” What if it wasn’t that? What if my baby was alive, but was very ill, making it unable to live. Could you face the heartbreak of having to choose watching your baby die a painful death in your arms, or stopping the pain before they have to suffer? Should you judge people for making that choice? You cannot stand on the sidelines and watch people’s lives and assume you know where they are. By taking their choice away, you assume you know what’s best for them. Let people make their own choices, if it’s wrong in God’s eyes, God will judge them. You are not God, you cannot judge them as you are also imperfect.

I tell my kids, love those who hurt you. If someone is in pain, or hurting, or just different from you, don’t hate them. You don’t know them. Love them.  You don’t know their burdens, you don’t know their life or challenges they experience. It’s easy to look at a situation you’ve never been in and say “I’d never do that.” But you don’t know, until you’re there.

<3 I hope my experience brings some perspective for some people. A deep shade of depressing blue to your world of black and white. Not everything is as simple as it sounds.

Derringer Meryl [Once Upon a time…] Out

Mar
23
2013
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My life right now

I work a desk job.

Well…

Yeah. I mean I’m not at a desk all the time. Sometimes there are meetings, and often i’m running around doing stuff. Maybe a better description is that it’s a Computer Job. It involves many computers. AND THE INTERNET. I do love me some internet. If the internet was a person, I would marry it. I suppose that’s why I married Scott 😉  (Among other really great and awesome things about him) I love computers, I’m pretty good at typing. and I love the internet.

These things, all of them, do not love me. I wear a brace, and apparently I need a better one, because my wrist is in agony pretty much 24/7 now. Last time I went to the doctor for my wrist, they jokingly told me to just quit my job.

I wonder, idly of course, if a doctor was losing their voice frequently, or was having difficulty remembering tasks for their job, or for some reason or another was losing the ability physically to do their job if their advice to themselves is to just quit? I mean… I NEEDS MY INCOME! I don’t work, for all intents and purposes, for FUN. If I did work, just for fun, i would quit if it was detrimental to my health. But I’ll work at a computer until my hands are all curled up, and I need massive surgery.

Which I won’t have, because… aint nobody got time for that! I’m taking two days off in a row for Katie’s Surgery, and it is the first time I have taken time off for NOT an emergency “I am sick” stuff. I pretty much muddle through whatever.

Gonna go back to sleep. YAY!

Written by admin in: Uncategorized |
Mar
03
2013
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A way I cope

So I’m a working mom, as the mom lingo goes… i don’t think there is a nice little abbreviation for that. Anyway… I work, and when I’m not working, I’m desperately trying to de-stress from the work I do. So I think of shortcuts for the stuff I dont’ like (usually Scott cooks, because by the time I get home I’m wasted tired) and laundry usually goes unfolded because ANY mom can tell you that kids laundry ends up on the floor even if you put it away all nice and folded and organized in a chest of drawers (or a dresser). So I don’t fold laundry. Except towels, and that’s still rare.

Then came the problem of my kids wanting to dress themselves…. and me still wanting to sleep in. I got a shoe hanger (the over the door kind) and i put their clothes in it. I usually stock it once a week, and they can pick out clothes. This works great because A) I’m not always home to get them ready for school and B) it makes them more independent. So they grab clothes and put them on. This is great, but only holds about ten days worth of clothes if your kid isn’t crazy like mine and seems to go through clothes SUPER FAST. if you have a 2 year old or younger you can put the outfit together for them to grab so you can help them get dressed. I love it!! The downside is… PJ’s don’t really fit. Because really snuggly pj’s are too big, so I got some hanging closet organizer (like this: http://www.walmart.com/ip/Whitmor-5-Shelf-Hanging-Accessory-Rack-Pink/6023222) one in pink and one in purple to put their PJ’s and undies and socks in. I did this because Audrey is still young and has accidents fairly frequently and needed help finding new undies all the time. so now she is responsible for herself! I love that too.

I want my kids to take care of what they can. opening drawers and such can be hard, and when it isn’t it seems like they JUST get in there to play. This makes it EASY to see, easy to put away, and much less hassle for mom!

Derringer Meryl [Hassle free] Out

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