Undone

*sighs* Okay. So it’s like, nine days until Scott and I’s wedding, and I have to admit….

I haven’t gotten his present yet.

I don’t know what to do, or get. My idea sorta went sour (like three year old milk sour) and could be done, but wouldn’t be as cute as it may have been originally.

So I’m in a pickle. Nine days before my wedding, broke… and wondering– what would he love?

Now you see, I’m not a great gift giver. I need help (as in “Hey I love that. Why don’t you get me something like that?”) to get appropriate items. His siblings (a very helpful crew) have suggested a few things. I’ve thought something up to get him myself. I sorta want it to be sentimental though. Not a “present” but a “PRESENT!”

Not something you get everyday, but a wedding day gift. Blah. I’m uber lost. It’s not like you get married every day, ya know?

Derringer Meryl [Maybe, This?] Out

One more thing, and this is just my opinion, but when people say things like, “It’s just a show,” or, “That’s life,” or, “You wanna know what you should do with your spare hour you now have?” it really bugs. I think you know who you are.

Yes. Yes I do.

I’d like to point out, That I once was a great empathizer. Oh yes, I empathized with the best of them. I let people cry on my shoulders for lots of things. Big things. Things I won’t mention as per promises.

But there is sad stuff and depressing stuff, OR There is stuff that you’re probably taking a little too seriously. I know depression. I know my depression. I know hate and I know it destroys life. I can’t possibly know your experience with these things, and I cannot, and will not, compare mine to yours.

But I am not without.

I have had my share of “Get over it”s and “That’s life” stuffed in my face. By people whom I care about. By people I love. And it burns. Maybe I just don’t understand the pain, and so in my misunderstanding, and simply seeing it from my limited perspective, cannot understand WHAT THE HECK is such the deal, thus causing pain and discomfort for you.

yeah. “That’s life” sucks. But sometimes, you need to suck it up, and move on. Dwelling on some things, just doesn’t help. It’s not that the “That’s life” means your problem is small or miniscule. It means life is complex, and hard. For everyone. No one persons pain is compariable to another. Nor should it be.

I’m sorry that those phrases were delt to you at a hard time in your life. I’m glad you made it through.

And I apologize. That from my perspective I don’t understand why this seems to be going on. I love peace. I get that from my mom. I hate when we confront each other. I hate how one blow, maybe meant as a simple joke, seemingly topples a balance in our family. Makes me sad. it makes me sad that I feel so powerless to do anything for anyone IN this family, with fear of offending someone. It’s like being gagged, and i don’t even want to help myself first. It’s smothering in this family. I’m sure you’ve noticed. I’m not trying to attack you– or anyone. Just a knee jerk reaction I suppose, what a lame excuse…. it’s how i am, and I dare say how we are in this family.

We don’t think before we speak, not really. We don’t go for the kill….

we go for the pain.

Derringer Meryl [Penance] Out

If you want my opinion, everyone is just itching for a fight. For various reasons. I don’t know why… but my two siblings (the ones besides me and Dax that get along the best) have decided to take rather odd pot shots at each other in their blog. I don’t know why, but being me, I simply must blame it on myself. Just because I insanely love being the center of attention.

I don’t really know why any of this is happening. All I know is that It’s no good if you’re all gonna be grouchy poo heads.

You hate your job. You aren’t getting along with your spouse. WAHOO! Good Grief, join everyone else. I have a stark realization of how much life sucks, such a grasp you will never know. Everyone has stuff that sucks. Angel Ended, it’s sad. It is one of the last shows on TV that’s good. You wanna know what you should do with your spare hour you now have? Do something special with your spouse. Call someone you’ve been thinking about lately. Find ONE good thing that happened today.

I know your blog is for you. You whine all you want. Lord knows I whine my fair share. I know my blog is annoyingly cute and smooshy and what not. I’m not here to be down on anyone. But if destroying your siblings is the most constructive thing you can do with your time, you have a seriously sad life.

Heh. That’s sorta… hypocritical. Whatever.

Derringer Meryl [Yeah, i’m talking to you] Out

If someone knows a good place online where I can find Accidentally in Love By the Counting Crows, I’d be much obliged to have it. 😀

I like that song a bunch. hee.

Derringer Meryl [Can’t Do it For Myself] Out

The Specialist found this song for me. I have to admit, I’ve fallen in love with it. Definately falling into the “wedding song” list. So I thought I’d lyric spew it. Cause’s it fun. And I can. Scott’s gone to bed. I’d love to go to sleep too, but my brain is buzzing a little too much. I’ve gained ten pounds. Amazingly, I’ve never felt so pretty.

I still feel fat though. isn’t that just contradictory? Who knows. I’m loved, and I can feel it in every cell of my body. and it’s fantastic. Like some kind of drug. 😀 Makes me all sorts of happy.

*looks around* I’d still like to loose this weight. Scott thinks I’m pretty, and I think I’m pretty (hehe, self absorbed) but man. I didn’t need that. I’m going to hope that it’s because I weighed myself after going to a buffet.

Right?

Oh and I have a huge unsightly bruise on my leg. Touch it and die you freaky freaky people.

Secret Smile, SemiSonic

Nobody knows it but you’ve got a secret smile

And you use it only for me

Nobody knows it but you’ve got a secret smile

And you use it only for me

So use it and prove it

Remoce this whirling sadness

I’m losing I’m bluesing

But you can’t save me from madness

Nobody knows it but you’ve got a secret smile

And you use it only for me

Nobody knows it but you’ve got a secret smile

And you use it only for me

So save me I’m waiting

I’m needing, hear me pleading

And soothe me, improve me

I’m grieving, I’m barely believing it now, now

When you are flying around and around the world

And I’m lying alonely

I know there’s something sacred and free reserved

And received by me only.

Derringer Meryl [Updating Fiend] Out