Undone

I have to lyric spew this. I love this song, and in the silence of the night, i’m falling in love with it. It’s more beautiful than anything I can think of.

I Miss You, Blink182

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare

The shadow in the background of the morgue

The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley

We can live like Jack and Sally if we want

Where you can always find me

We’ll have Halloween on Christmas

And in the night we’ll wish this never ends

We’ll wish this never ends

(I miss you I miss you)

(I miss you I miss you)

Where are you and I’m so sorry

I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight

I need somebody and always

This sick strange darkness

Comes creeping on so haunting every time

And as I stared I counted

Webs from all the spiders

Catching things and eating their insides

Like indecision to call you

and hear your voice of treason

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight

Stop this pain tonight

Don’t waste your time on me you’re already

The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)

Don’t waste your time on me you’re already

The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)

Don’t waste your time on me you’re already

The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)

Don’t waste your time on me you’re already

The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)

Derringer Meryl [Loving what is sang to me] Out

I need this like a hole in the head. Isn’t this great? Isn’t the screaming, and the impending doom wonderful? Isn’t the fact that my $100 dollar piece of machinery on the shag carpeting sucking in dust and stray particles. And it’s mine. I just want to make this day end. I want to make this “vacation” end. I want to escape. This is some kind of torture. IT’s for my sins. It’s for the fact that i considered moving in with a guy. it’s because I cuss daily (a bad habit) it’s because I’m bad. It’s because i’m dirty. I’m broken….

I don’t have time for this. I dont’ have time to have important things of mine broken. I don’t appreciate it. I don’t appreciate any of this. I bought something JUST so the gamecube wouldn’t be on the floor. It’s like everything and anything. That system is one of the first things I bought with my large paychecks (one of the few large paychecks.

I feel like i’m playing a game of “I hurt but i can’t tell you why” and I want to. Oh I do. I want everyone to know. I want to make it stop. I want to make the pain stop, and I want to make it go away. I can’t. I can’t because it would hurt someone else in the process. I can’t help caring. I’m supposed to. I’m supposed to put people before myself. That’s what I’ve been taught. That’s why I’m in hell. Silently.

Derringer Meryl [Hating Everything] Out

if it were possible to have one person hate every aspect of you, even to the deep and hidden things, that would be my sister-in-law.

I hate to say it, but i feel that she does. Video games are my pride and joy, besides the fact that they’re my job too. She hates those to pieces….

i don’t know what it is exactly, but I get the vibe. Maybe it’s stress, and it’s just oozing out … I don’t know. I still get the “I hate you” vibe all the same.

Derringer Meryl [confused] Out

in a moment of brief insanity, i’ve decided to update. I have a date next monday. I have my nephews (all three of the out of staters) coming to stay at our house. I have school work blowing out my ears. I’m fairly relaxed, I’m managing fairly well. I just don’t sleep at all. that’s not bad though. I’m alright with that.

Um. Keenspace is back up, which i’m really happy about.

I have a few things i’m really keen about. after six months of self entrapment, i’ve suddenly decided to let myself go, for the enlightenment of others. *shrugs* If i wasn’t such a personal person, who likes to keep a lot of emotional things to herself (deeply emotional things) then i might elaborate. If you ask, i might tell you. that is, unless your name starts with a consonant. :0

I’m so mean.

Poor Mouth has been having a rough time of it. I’m really at a loss of what to do. Usually getting stone drunk helps him feel better, but this isn’t even touching his depression this time. It’s really odd. He’s a great friend, who helped me free myself from my own little prison of emotion. I’d like to help him too, the way he helped me…. so i’ve been thinking really hard about it.

And i’m gonna try to do something, I don’t know what yet. But something. Anything.

Last Sunday, I had a nightmare, for clarification for those who are confused. It was vivid. It was real. I was standing some place, seemed like Wudan’s old apartment, maybe. And The Specialist and I were there. He told me he was tired. He looked it too. He wasn’t smiling. He just looked… haggard… but still recognizably him, if that makes sense. He pulled a gun from his pocket, and put it to his chin, and pulled the trigger.

I woke up crying. And i was alone in my house. I was really scared. He didn’t answer his cell phone either.

It was like having the feeling that you could never tell someone you were sorry. It was horrible. And I never want to feel like that again.

Ever.

Derringer Meryl [A little scarred] Out

Oh Clay Aiken, the things you do to my brain. You make me think when I’ve taken Nyquil. Shame on you.

Right, So I was supposed to work three hours tonight, but I came home early on account of me feeling like crap. Which was Okay. Guts bought me some root beer (a whole six pack, he’s so nice to me) and I came home and took some Nyquil, and i’ve been out like a light since.

The Mouth went out Drinking tonight. I shouldn’t be so concerned about it. But I am, what can I say. Just like he worries about me following the Monkey around like a puppy, i worry about him picking up on Lesbians. I don’t know. I think mine has more room for concern, but… still. Being out drunk seems like a bad idea, especially when he’s sick like he is. (Thus the reason i’ve been feeding him soup, he refuses to take medicine… it annoys me. at least he’ll eat the soup though.)

I’m pretty tired. The Nyquil is kicking furiously at my system, telling me to go to sleep. Maybe after I read some homework– then I can go to sleep. I just want to get some work done first… right. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Sleepy Meryl] Out