Undone

I need this like a hole in the head. Isn’t this great? Isn’t the screaming, and the impending doom wonderful? Isn’t the fact that my $100 dollar piece of machinery on the shag carpeting sucking in dust and stray particles. And it’s mine. I just want to make this day end. I want to make this “vacation” end. I want to escape. This is some kind of torture. IT’s for my sins. It’s for the fact that i considered moving in with a guy. it’s because I cuss daily (a bad habit) it’s because I’m bad. It’s because i’m dirty. I’m broken….

I don’t have time for this. I dont’ have time to have important things of mine broken. I don’t appreciate it. I don’t appreciate any of this. I bought something JUST so the gamecube wouldn’t be on the floor. It’s like everything and anything. That system is one of the first things I bought with my large paychecks (one of the few large paychecks.

I feel like i’m playing a game of “I hurt but i can’t tell you why” and I want to. Oh I do. I want everyone to know. I want to make it stop. I want to make the pain stop, and I want to make it go away. I can’t. I can’t because it would hurt someone else in the process. I can’t help caring. I’m supposed to. I’m supposed to put people before myself. That’s what I’ve been taught. That’s why I’m in hell. Silently.

Derringer Meryl [Hating Everything] Out