Undone

Once again, it’s a frail-y translated LYRIC SPEW! yeah. So it’s originally Japanese, the Opening song to Full Metal Panic Entitled Tomorrow *smiles wistfully* Here’s to tomorrow. Who knows what it’s going to bring. I hope to have my job, I hope to have all of my family, and I hope to have everything that’s good and right. *raises a glass* Here’s to tOmOrrOw… 🙂

Together we searched for a place to hide

As we ran in the rain

Even if I loose something

There’s one thing I must protect

That’s the meaning of my birth in this world

I’ll go search with you even if it maybe painful

While clinging onto the fresh scenery around us

The prism reflected the orange of

The sunset when the breeze slips through my fingertips

I wish I could devote myself to you so

I want to become more gentle for you

Even if I collect the light which fills this world

Within my pair of hands it’ll light up the darkness

So I won’t get lost as it shines in the long continuous journey.

That’s the meaning of my birth in this world

I’ll go search with you even if it’s painful

While clinging onto the fresh scenery around us

Let’s travel further away

Derringer Meryl [Looking downward to tomorrow] Out

Time to lay down the smack down, right?

I’m trying to convince myself so. I can’t bring myself to wreak havoc on another human life, no matter how insolent and insufferable their actions. I’m weak that I way, I guess. I think it’s more of a blessing, partially. *frowns* and in another way it makes me a doormat. I can’t stand others to feel pain, even if it’s because of their own actions. *sighs*

I called Gert about The Mouth today. He didn’t answer his phone, so now he has a message that i’d like to talk to him about the mouth. *mutters* What am I going to do.

And their (his and a part-timer’s) words just keep running through my mind….

Did you ever stop to think that the constant in all of your failed relationships, is you?

yes. I also knew that i was lame. I knew that no one i worked with likes me enough to spend time with me, out side of work. I have a flat personality, an unexciting life, and extremely low self-esteem. Almost every relationship i’ve been in (Romantic or not) has been abusive, in one way or another. I don’t want people to pity me for my past, i don’t need pity friendships… I have those. Those are tiresome, and i hate it. I want someone to see me for what I am, and like me anyway. I’m broken, I’m tired, I’m ragged, and GOOD GRIEF, i’m not the prettiest thing you’ll ever see, but i’m alive… and i have emotions, no matter how well hidden they are– they’re there. Inside, burning and seething and controlling me.

I don’t plan on masking how I feel every day for the next however long. I can’t quit, and I don’t want to be fired– I just want resolution. Quite honestly, I don’t know one woman who enjoys being called a “Bitch” on a frequent basis, if at all. I don’t enjoy having my low points being joked about. If i was comfortable with my low points, i’m fairly sure i still wouldn’t be comfortable about them being joked about. I’m not saying that i’m the only one who feels this way, that has crappy stuff happen to them…. but i’m the only one who can feel what i’m feeling, just like any other person.

No one deserves to be treated the way i’ve been treated, Not even the lowest of people. Not Drug Addicts, Not Whores, Not Crime Lords. Not one of them. Not even the Mouth HImself.

It’s not right. Not now, not ever.

Derringer Meryl [ticked off] Out

Possibly the worst day at work ever.

I’ve been told that i’m whiny (okay so YES, I am, but you got to do what you do best, right?), Lame, *mutters off a few questionable words she’s been called* and i’m not feeling so awesome about it.

Cause everyone loves being called a bitca, and it’s so much fun being told that you’re the wet blanket and annoying….. I know I am. I know i’m the outcast at work. I know that no one there likes me that much, and that they’d really like to vote me off of the little island that is the store. I’m not their favorite person. I’m not anyone’s favorite ANYTHING. Cause i’m me, I keep it real, and i say what needs to be said. And Yeah, I’m a nice girl. I’m trying to stop swearing so much, and i’m trying to be nicer, and i smile my way through being called all these horrible things… and i don’t know how i’m going to do it anymore.

really. I love my job. and I love working there, i really enjoy Artemis and Gert…. They’re funny and they’re great. They tease me, but it’s okay, because i know them more than i know THE MOUTH…. i know it’s insane … i know that i need to give him more of a chance to get to know me… and me to know him….

but from what i’ve seen so far I dont’ care to know him. At all. Ever. No. I hope he gets his tongue cut out by some thief on the street. I wish he would…. I wish he could just learn to control that blasted MOUTH OF HIS! It’s like he has no consideration for another human being ever.

I’d never consider myself ‘straight-laced’ not even. No way. But I figure, first comes the friendship, then the casual joking and the calling of names. When I know he doesn’t really mean it. NOW, I don’t know that. It’s a thing that I don’t know. I don’t have a tough skin. I’m not a brave girl. And yeah, when he calls me a bitch, i want to sit down and cry. But I can’t because there’s work to be done, and things to do.

*mutters* What a jerk.

Oh Yeah. I have a test tomorrow… .how much does that suck?

Derringer Meryl [Exhausted] Out

Still Gimpy… and I now get to experience three hours of standing. just standing, and talking and helping annoying people get their fetching video games.

I no likie this idea. Bad bad idea.

Derringer Meryl [Chronological Order] Out

I’m Evil. I’m wrong. I’m down and out. Time for a midweek Lyric spew, Right-o?

Heal My Broken Heart, Smile DK

Derringer Meryl [I’ve made a New start] Out