Undone

I did a bad thing.

Mostly, I accidentally hit another car, with my car… Erase that, with my parent’s car. I have no car. *frowns* It isn’t bad, their (my parents) car wasn’t hurt at all, and the other person’s car had a little ding in it. Nothing horrendous– but I cried like a school girl. I was/am scared to death. I still need to call the lady i hit to see what’s up. She didn’t even notice the tiny ding on the back of her car, but I, the ever HUGED mouth person, I said “IT’S RIGHT THERE!” probably from the stress of the situation. It wasn’t really that much fun…. at all.

*shakes her head* at all. So there goes some of my money from work. Oh, and there goes my brain, and my stomach– even more so than they were gone before.

Derringer Meryl [Stressed Mucho] Out

LYRIC SPEWAGE

Amsterdam, Guster

I threw away your greatest hits

You left them here the day you split

Your bass guitar and shaggs CD

Well they don’t mean that much to me right now

I’m going through your things

These days, I’m changing all my strings

I’m gonna write you a letter

I’m gonna write you a book

I wanna see your reaction

I wanna see how it looks

From way up on your cloud

Where you’ve been hiding out

Are you getting somewhere?

Or did you get lost in Amsterdam?

You won’t get too far from me

believing everything you read

You’re wasted in the great unknown

and I am getting ready to dispose

of all your vintage clothes

Your drugs and every secret code

I’m gonna write you a letter

I’m gonna write you a book

I wanna see your reaction

I wanna see how it looks

From way up on your cloud

Where you’ve been hiding out

Are you getting somewhere?

Or did you get lost in Amsterdam?

From your red balloon you were

a super high tech jet fighter

Floating over planet earth

Come back down here, I’ll show you where it hurts

Take this bitter pill

Is it easy to swallow?

I’m gonna write you a letter

I’m gonna write you a book

I wanna see your reaction

I wanna see how it looks

From way up on your cloud

You’re never coming down

Are you getting somewhere?

Or did you get lost in Amsterdam?

Okay, so the explanation behind this– there are some people in your life you write off as jerks, or complete flakes, and then, someone like that, comes along, and surprises you. Does something out of the ordinary, for them, and impresses you. You’re certain they won’t ever do something that nice, or wonderful again, and you don’t know why it happened, but hell, you aren’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth, right?

Random Acts of Kindess

I believe in them. Regularly practice them. Everyone needs a fucking pick-me-up occasionally, ya know? A present, a cookie, a letter, something that shows you that someone, besides your family, cares that you exist. It gives you a warm fuzzy, they feel good, and HELL, who doesn’t need to feel good?

I did a RAoK on saturday…. I don’t know what possessed me, honestly, I just said, “Hey, they need me a pick me up, they need to feel good, and so, they will.” (it was Gert actually, that i did it to.) I was having an uber shitty day, and i needed to feel good, i needed the little warm fuzzy, and i needed to do something for someone else. Sure, He’s not destitute, or starving or anything, but Cheeze and rice, people who are okay, need positive affirmation too. everyone does, and if every person would just get off their lazy ass, and do something for someone else, even tiny things, it’d be a billion times better to live in this fucking world. 🙂 I know i was in a MUCH better mood after RAoK-ing Gert. 🙂

Anyway, the song is about cleaning out another person’s stuff from your apartment (room, whatever) and how he’s going to get all of his frustrations off of his chest by writing a letter to the SOB that left the stuff at his house. He guesses he got lost in Amsterdam (Note: This is personal interpretation…) And that has to deal with this past saturday, I just felt like going insane. Stuff around the house was going crazy, and then my friend (former roommate, and what not, I don’t even know….) comes back, after telling me she was done trying to make our relationship work, and that was that. So I cleaned her stuff out, this past week, and then she shows up, (In a friendly manner) and picks some of it up, apologizing and what not. Because i was on my RAoK high, or other reasons unbeknownst to me, I took her back. Without thinking too much about it. *shrugs* So that’s the lyric spew story…. the end.

Derringer Meryl [Id like a date in payment] Out

Happy Thanksgiving… Happy Birthday to my Oldest Brother. He’s like… thirty-one now. Isn’t that insane? He’s the very oldest, and i’m the very youngest at Eighteen almost ninteen.

I really need to figure out something rebellious to do before time runs out. *blinks* I mean, i only have like a month and a year to do something completely unorthodox that’s against my parent’s wishes.

I’m just no good at the rebellion thing. (looks at the clock) Oooh, eleven Eleven, make a wishage…. 🙂 Anyway, i’m like a five year old. I don’t know how to do anything that is wrong against my parents…. especially and not feel bad about it. I’m the guilt queen. I feel bad, and it shows. I’m so easy to read– except when I’ve got my gadditude on, then it’s all smiles no matter what….

🙂 Like now. 🙂 🙂

Just kidding. I’ve just realized exactly how obsessed with AMV’s i am. (Anime Music Videos for the uneducated) FUN! 🙂 Seriously. I collect some of the best. 🙂 Humor and Romance, i like those the most…. but character profiles are pretty good too. 🙂

I’m just … talking like crazy.

Derringer Meryl [Thinking of Lockign her Diary] Out

Late Night Huzzahs!

Mostly the delusions of my mind being too warm while we drove down to the local college town (Only one hour away, what goodies) I thought about why I play video games, and why I work at a video games store, because honestly– I’m not an OG like i pretend to be. I’m a fairly ‘casual gamer’ that is, until i started working at the store, i wasn’t deep into video games– or anything…. ya know? Then I met this guy, he’s also the reason i’m really into Anime, and he liked video games, and so, then I liked video games….

Now don’t get me wrong, i don’t, in all reality, hate video games (like some girls who change themselves to get guys, I hate girls like that…. i’m such a hypocrite) What is really going on here, is that– I”m willing to try new things because someone else is interested in them. Sure, that person maybe a really hot guy, but HEY, it’s stretching my mind a little, okay? So Yeah. 🙂

and yeah, i’ve figured, i’ve done a lot in my life (short as it’s been) For guys sakes. I’ve moved, and stretched, and changed for guys. (Not that i’ve ever had one change for me ever, but that’s not the point here…) The point is, i’ve become the product of what the opposite sex seemed to be interested in, and instead of becoming the really hot girl who everyone wants to date because she’s SO understanding, and SO cool and laid back about stuff, i’ve become…. One of the guys Isn’t that great?

No, I (After molding myself to what i *Thought* guys wanted) have come to realize that guys want someone who is completely moronic, that they can feel smart when they talk to because they (their significant other) have no clue what they’re talking about. I’ve seen it at my own home, i’ve seen it at work…. i’ve seen it everywhere. Don’t tell me it’s not true, because i know it is. *leers* Stupid, Pretty, and Skinny. That’s the ideal woman…. Oh, and having boobs so big that her back will break, that’s good too.

So Yeah, I’m SLIGHTLY cynical about what guys want from a girl, but that’s because i’ve been trying to be what I THOUGHT guys wanted for so long, that’s it’s me now. Who I am– and now… I’m just sorta screwed.

Oh, and, Guster (awesome band, heard about them from Gert) is coming to town soon. I’d like to go, just because i’d like to do anything other than stay at home, and because i’d like to go with Gert. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [My Moods Don’t swing, Silly!] Out

Me? Cynical and unable to stand the company of others for an extended period of time? NEVER!

I’ve been looking over the school books, figuring out what classes i need to take, what i’m going to be doing for the rest of my life. I”ve pretty much rested on …….

LEGAL SECRETARY!

I know, it’s sort of, um, anti climatic. But the Certification is only four credit hours long. Basically, while i’m taking the first one, I can dick around and take whatever classes I want. Ten credit hours of WHATEVER I want! Isn’t that the awesomest? Sure, some of it is stuff that i’m going to need to be a good secretary (that is, filing and stuff like that… 🙂 Sure, it’s not special stuff, but then i can take the psychology classes, and the Lit classes that i wanted to, but not be pressured into a major–

Give me some time, i can find the lazy way through anything. ANYTHING.

Sure, i may be selling myself short (Legal secretary? C’mon, you’re a genius writer Meryl, you could do so much more…) But I find myself sorta– dried up in the wya of poetry. All of it comes out in the way of …. really bad angsty teen poetry.

and I hate angsty teen poetry. So While I’m not going to toss any of it, I”m also not looking to be published either. Cause it sucks– and anyone who says otherwise, well– they’re trying to make me feel good…. so thanks, but I’d prefer the truth. 🙂

So on that note, i’d like to end with a poem. 😉 Oh, and this is total slam impormpty poetry…. so flame me, but once again, i’m not going to feel very badly since i know it sucks.

The icy touch
stinging
ripping
pulling my
mind apart
and it stays
buzzing
ringing
whispering
to my mind
unknown to my ears
impossible to know
what keeps it there
Insanity slowly grips my
body
as i come to realize
and loose this all
what was
never could be
facing backward
in an downward
movement elevator
and my brain
shudders
in an orgasm of thought
shaking me
violently
stopping all other action
and I SCREAM
Leaving the blood clots
on the dainty white doilies
and every time
my head fills to the brim
stretching
reaching out to you
to why
it ended
i’m back
where i ended
not knowing
but i keep reaching
touching the blood stained
walls
hoping to remember
what never was
and could only be
some deluded fantasy
my over ridden mind
produced

Derringer Meryl [The orgasm of thought] Out