Undone

Yeah I get that college sucks.

For Red, it sucks for other reasons. For me?

because i’m not really… uh… social without …

without someone to be social with. *shrugs*

I need a buddy. Yeah, I know, I’m a sissy.

Anyway… Missionaries, need some bread made…. so I’m… going to… go finish making it. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [I hate social things] Out

Isn’t it horribly amusing when you fall asleep thinking about one guy, and you wake up from a dream you had with another?

right. Well I think it is. I think it shows how undecided i am about the whole “who I like as more than a friend” situation i have going on in my mind.

The one guy i was going to switch jobs for, just so i could date him…. and the other guy, well…. we gave it a go, and he just doesn’t think of me that way. It’s okay I guess, not everyone in the world has to be physically attracted to me. *smirks* (Note: I’m not usually this cocky.) I guess I should move on, but ya know– i’m not the kind of girl who just gives up. I guess it’s what scares people away from me. I’m not normal. I’m not what they want me to be, and that bothers them. From My parents (specifically my dad) to my friends and co-workers. I’m determined to make things work MY way. No matter what. 🙂

Stubborn little byatch, aren’t I?

the thing is right now… which way is my way? I’m not focusing on how i feel, but how everyone else feels about things. It’s so much simpler to say ‘Well Frank feels this way about this thing, so i’ll just do the same.’ There are so few things i feel overwhelmingly like i have to express my opinion, i just go with the flow. 🙂 eh. Works, doesn’t it?

Derringer Meryl [how do YOU feel about that?] Out

Oh Yeah. I have a test tomorrow… err.. today, whatever. 🙂 Wish me luck… 🙂

*crickets chirp*

Fine ya stingy jerk. I’ll get my luck from other places. HMPH.

After test, i have work (yippie) and then i have… DN Angel? Maybe. Depends on if it downloads.

I fear the Kazaa thanks to the RIAA, I just wish I knew where to find it with Bittorrent. 🙁

Derringer Meryl [sleepy by time] Out

death to the pop-in visitor.

Okay. So i had my own pop-in visitor, in the form of a kid (friend?) who sat next to me in Lit Mag, whom i like to think of as a very scary lecher. Don’t know what lecher means? Look it up, let it be your word for the day. he doesn’t SCARE me, ya know like The Ring scared me (cause we all know that was a mind screw) it was like, “I really didn’t think we were really close enough for you to show up without calling me first.”

yeah. I’m sure if Red (Hi Red!) is reading this, she’s shuddering me, and praying for me, all at the same time. He was there from Five till eight. I had some math homework to do, but not before he decided to raid my room.

i’m too tolerant.

I could probably let Hitler walk into my room and try on my bras if he wanted to. Just no killing, unless i’m the one doing it. I just shrug it off. I guess the surface stuff of my room being my sanctuary sorta slides off. My computer (good Xander!) is my sanctuary. 🙂 I seriously get pissed if someone screws with my computer.

I guess it’s because right now, he’s the only reliable man in my life. Good Ole Xander. 🙂 Well then you have Friendjamin (who is super nice, and super funny!) and Gert, and Monkey (semi-reliable) Oh Good Grief, and I can’t forget Marco, And it’s just great, I need more positive guy influences in my life. I think Friendjamin and Marco are the two best right now. 🙂

anyway. I really want to find out some more about DN Angel (Awesome from what i’ve seen… :))

Derringer Meryl [Daisuke or Dark?] Out

Have you ever felt the kind of pressure that when you feel it, you feel like lashing out at the person who seems to be pressuring you? It’s like, they keep reminding you, and pestering you, about stuff you know you need to do, but … you just don’t want to. If that person was a tamagotchi, you’d put it in a drawer and ignore it’s small chirps for help as the piles of poo surrounded their tiny body. Poor thing.

*sighs* I’m just tired of feeling like everyone isn’t so much advising as they think they are. Or maybe it’s all in my mind. I swear. I don’t want to go to the singles ward more and more each time it’s suggested by my dad. We even had a discussion about it with our home teacher today. …. *sighs* good gravy. I’m just so tired.

I don’t think i’m taking the job at Game Crazy. the idea of it makes my senses scream, and my body tense up. I guess it’s because i feel like i’m a liar. I misconstrued myself so that i could get the job. ick. I hate feeling like this. and I could continue on with the drama that is why i don’t act anyway i don’t feel… but eh, that’s okay. I don’t want to think about it.

I feel so stressed. I have another test this week, and i feel grossly unprepared, in a way that just about sickens me. I better head off to bed, so I can *crosses her fingers* feel better in the morning…. and maybe God will tell me, in the night, how to wriggle my way out of working at GameCrazy. I’ve never been one to say no… heh.

Derringer Meryl [i always seem to be going upstream] Out