Undone

I am so tired. I could write this in L33T so only the truly smart could read it, but I”m new to l33t so I couldn’t read it later if I wanted to.

I’m tired. I Know I say that a lot but I don’t know how else to express how drained I am after this weekend is…

was.

Sure, I have to admit to myself, and obviously the people who are odd enough to read this, but I’m…. Oy

I have two church callings now. I think that’s insane for those of us who are working, going to school, and have extra curricular stuff to do. I have no time for this stuff. No time.

*blinks*

I wish I was r4c]<3d.

It would be so great.

I hear you all asking, where did I learn this insane L33t? I learned it over at Mega Tokyo It’s so very nice there. I love to color the pictures I print off from there. I love to color. I am quite horrid at coloring on the computer, but with my hands, I enjoy it. It’s the only artistical impressions I get. It’s all I have.

*sighs* I’m tired. I’m tired of how I carry burdens I shouldn’t have to. Tired of working so hard for minimal fame, all I ever get is a nod, or a small thanks.

It hurts.

Whatever

D3rr1||63r |/|3ry1 [Wi5|-| I c0|_|ld 5l33p] 0|_|7

This is simple and quick. Pink said it best when she wrote Family Portrait or whom ever wrote it. It’s a nice song. I take it to heart, especially tonight

Momma please stop cryin, I can’t stand the sound

Your pain is painful and its tearin’ me down

I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed

I told dad you didn’t mean those nasty things you

said

You fight about money, bout me and my brother

And this I come home to, this is my shelter

It ain’t easy growin up in World War III

Never knowin what love could be, you’ll see

I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done

my family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?

I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?

I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t

leave

Daddy please stop yellin, I can’t stand the sound

Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around

My mama she loves you, no matter what she says

its true

I know that she hurts you, but remember I love

you, too

I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away

Don’t wanna go back to that place, but don’t have

no choice, no way

It ain’t easy growin up in World War III

Never knowin what love could be, well I’ve seen

I don’t want love to destroy me like it did my

family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?

I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?

I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t

leave

In our family portrait, we look pretty happy

Let’s play pretend, let’s act like it comes

naturally

I don’t wanna have to split the holidays

I don’t want two addresses

I don’t want a step-brother anyways

And I don’t want my mom to have to change her

last name

In our family portrait we look pretty happy

We look pretty normal, let’s go back to that

In our family portrait we look pretty happy

Let’s play pretend, act like it goes naturally

In our family portrait we look pretty happy

(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)

We look pretty normal, let’s go back to that

(I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do

anything)

In our family portrait we look pretty happy

(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)

Let’s play pretend act and like it comes so

naturally

(I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t

leave)

In our family portrait we look pretty happy

(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)

We look pretty normal, let’s go back to that

(I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t

leave)

Daddy don’t leave

Daddy don’t leave

Daddy don’t leave

Turn around please

Remember that the night you left you took my

shining star?

Daddy don’t leave

Daddy don’t leave

Daddy don’t leave

Don’t leave us here alone

Mom will be nicer

I’ll be so much better, I’ll tell my brother

Oh, I won’t spill the milk at dinner

I’ll be so much better, I’ll do everything right

I’ll be your little girl forever

I’ll go to sleep at night

I want my family to pretend once in a while.

It’s

a

VERY VERY VERY

stress

filled

week

Derringer Meryl [it ain’t easy growin’ up] Out

Increasingly worse through the week.

With all that happened on sunday, you think my week could not get any worse. My friend who is/was living with me got the news she has to leave, and is all sobby and what not.

*Raises her hand* I wanted her back here, but I’m a little tired.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to support someone else’s depression needs when my own are increasingly making me weak.

She asks “I’m a burden” and I say no, because she isn’t. My actions and thoughts are the burden.

My relationships

The School

The homework

Everyone’s need to lean on me–

Those are my burdens. (A whole bunch lumped into larger phrases)

I’m so very tired. Tired of being the one to pull the weight. If I’m this tired now, how tired am I going to be when I’m my mom’s age.

I don’t think it’s humanly possible to be more tired than I am

I hope it isn’t, because I feel like if I get any more stressed, I could collapse. I want a day off, all by myself. Me. No friends, no work, no debate, nothing. I just want to be me while I’m writing, and just be free–

I want to be alone for a little while. To be free, to — I don’t know how to say it, It’s so hard to explain–

I need to find a little solace. A little place where I can escape to when life gets to be too much.

Derringer Meryl [I’m so very lost] Out

It’s been an oddly interesting day. I woke up around eleven, almost twelve. I woke up so late because I was sleeping on the couch, away from my friend, whom I had been fighting with. I was tired. I still am, but you’ll see why in a bit.

I did some fluff stuff like go to church and what not, and the doorbell rang…

Someone was there saying that my cat had been ran over by a car. After running to where they said he was, I saw it wasn’t him, and was VERY relieved. We (me and my friend) decided to try and find the owner, it was possibly just a stray, but I figured I ought to try. We walked around in the very very cold, but we couldn’t find anyone who said it was theirs.

The poor thing died, bleeding out of it’s mouth like crazy, it’s eyes were sort of glazed and shiney…… It wasn’t something I want to see again.

I got extra kindly rewarded by a bugger of a middle-aged man who told me “THis is the third time you guys have came around tonight, we don’t own a (explitives deleted) Black and white cat, stop bothering us!”

I held my composure till I got home, and I began to scream like a freak. I don’t understand why people need to react that way when someone is just trying to help, It’s a service, and to react that way is not only ungrateful…. it’s obscene. It doesn’t make sense. If it had been my cat, I’d want to know.

Crap, To put it on a level that most people would understand, would you want someone to run over your child and not worry about whether it was taken care of or not?

I’d personally want to know.

And, to add to the drama of the night, my friend is going to be returning home. She was staying with me, but her grades– well… Nevermind that, but she’s going back home, and I — dont really know how to feel about that.

My apathy reigns once again!

So a long day comes to some semblance of an end. Right?

Derringer Meryl [Little things] Out

Okay, So I’ve been playing Shenmue II because I’ve heard how great of a game it is, and all that blither blather…..

Can I tell you, it sucks. Now, If you’re into a bunch of really stupid small games held together by a weak story plot that moves as fast as my grandma when it’s cold outside, then this game is for you!

The graphics have no bump-mapping that create a more three-dimension look. The mouths move oddly, not because it’s been dubbed (which I believe it has) it’s because the mouths are always parted, never allowing for genuine looking expressions. The joints look pixelated (like Joy when she gets off the bike, I could swear her legs would walk away and her body would stay there!) There are time restraints on everything, you have to be asleep at eleven, and the temple closes at eight…. You have to earn your money back, complete meaningless tasks, that have no strategies to them, and furthermore…

It’s really dumb to make a game where you aren’t aware of the previous story line. BOO!

I give Shenmue II for the Xbox Four out of ten.

Rag Yo

Derringer Meryl [Never had a date to no school dance, this is for you!] Out