Undone

My Co-worker (a great fan of Avril Lavigne) Said this song reminded him of me…. and my inability to express my feelings for HIM (You know….)

I’m tugging at my hair

I’m pulling at my clothes

I’m trying to keep my cool

I know it shows

I’m staring at my feet

My cheeks are turning red

I’m searching for the words inside my head

[Pre-Chorus]

(Cause) I’m feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

Cause I know you’re worth it

You’re worth it

Yeah

[Chorus]

If I could say what I want to say

I’d say I wanna blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you go down

On one knee

Marry me today

Yes, I’m wishing my life away

With these things I’ll never say

It don’t do me any good

It’s just a waste of time

What use is it to you

What’s on my mind

If ain’t coming out

We’re not going anywhere

So why can’t I just tell you that I care

[Pre-Chorus]

(Cause) I’m feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

Cause I know you’re worth it

You’re worth it

Yeah

[Chorus]

If I could say what I want to say

I’d say I wanna blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you go down

On one knee

Marry me today

Yes, I’m wishing my life away

With these things I’ll never say

What’s wrong with my tongue

These words keep slipping away

I stutter, I stumble off

Like I’ve got nothing to say

[Pre-Chorus]

(Cause) I’m feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

Cause I know you’re worth it

You’re worth it

Yeah

Yes I’m wishing my life away

With these things I’ll never say

If I could say what I want to say

I’d say I wanna blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you go down

On one knee

Marry me today

Yes, I’m wishing my life away

With these things I’ll never say

These things I’ll never say

Things I’ll Never Say, Avril Lavigne

Derringer Meryl [I never could say it to your face] Out

Can I rant? I hope so, cause I am, and I really don’t care either way if you read this or not.

Our schools don’t care if we graduate, we’re stats, numbers on a paper, faces in a numberless crowd. There is no way to know us all, but it’s not like they ever try to anyway. We’re like ants, if one dies or is lost, it is easily replaced by another larve. It’s insane the lack of care and emotion that is felt in today’s schooling.

Why else do kids want to kill everyone around? I know why. Because no one notices before then. No one cares. If you even breathe a word of social frustrations, to anyone, you’re deported to a ‘Special School’ where all the juvvys go. I don’t want to go there, but…..

I can’t say that hurting my classmates hasn’t crossed my mind. I wonder what goes on in their heads, and I hate things that I can’t understand, so they frustrate me. I can’t understand why they do the things they do. WHy they care if they go to the Senior Ball and why they laughed when the Towers fell. I want to know why they act like this. I want to know, and I want someone to explain it to me before I kill them all.

My largest class has fourty in it. *sighs* the school district apparently thinks that an average of 28 students per class room is a quality free education. Even 28 kids is too many, there should be around 20 in each class. Plus you have to take into acount the classes that have set numbers like Student government, literary magazine, etc.

It’s not fair that they pressure us into doing a good job, getting good grades, and then give us a shoddy education to work with. It’s not fair to anyone, especially not the teachers, and the students.

But taht’s okay, it’s not like anyone in the legislature stops to think about that anyway.

I’m not a number

I’m not a statistic.

I’m a living human that demands a good education.

Is that too much to ask??

Derringer Meryl [I ache more places than possible] Out

Every time something goes wrong, it’s my fault.

I have to say some people can bear that burden, and bear it well, I however, cannot. It is one of my many many pet peeves that I have not yet learned to control.

I don’t understand how a situation between two or more people can be one person’s ‘fault’. I can’t. It’s beyond me. I can’t believe how hard things are…. and….

I’m a little tired, and a little frustrated, and honestly…. I’d like to go to a cave somewhere and act like the rest of the world wasn’t going on. I’d have an eternity of cartoons (taped without commercials) and I’d just watch them…. forever.

But no, I have to live in the real world, with all of the ups and downs and the rights and lefts, but I superly hate the loop-d-loops. I just want a steady life, or at least a steadier life. I want to be able to keep up with what is going on.

I don’t want to have to say I’m sorry all the time because it may offend someone if they have to apologize. I really hate saying I’m sorry when I don’t think it was my fault to begin with.

*sighs* I’m a very… distance person. I dont’ like excessive touching and rough housing. It’s insane. I hate it. Some people don’t understand that. I know they’re different from how i was raised, but I …. this is who I am. I don’t think I’ll change. I don’t like hurting people, and I don’t like being touched excessively….. ya know, wihtout need.

I’m just…. not very personable.

Derringer Meryl [The one thing that I tried] Out

I want to take his eyes out

Just for looking at you

Yes I do

I want to take his hands off

Just for touching you

Yes I do

And I want to rip his heart out

Just for hurting you

And I want to break his mind down

Yes I do

And I want to make him

Regret life since the day he met you

Yes I do

And I want to make him

Take back all that he took from you

Yes I do

And I want to rip his heart out

Just for hurting you

And I want to break his mind down

Yes I do

Just for, Nickelback

Peace out, Remember, the girl you picked on in high school is the one who will shoot you at your school reunion.

*winks*

Derringer Meryl [Yes I do.] Out

Well then.

I just spent a good portion of the morning looking for bloody kitty ears… Okay, not BLOODY kitty ears, I mean kitty ears… anyway, it seems impossible to find them when they aren’t hooked to a tale and some other sexy thing, like a bow tie.

Anyway, no SILVER kitty ears seem to exist at the local mall….

Speaking of the mall and such, I went back to my old digs (ie work) and spent a little time talking about my box. *snuggles Box* well, i wasn’t all possessive around HIM, but… I felt odd. Very Odd. Detached, remotely depressed odd. No.. not that kind… I don’t know, new emotion odd.

Like He’s the one person who never promised to give me anything, and gave me lots anyway…. It’s hard to explain, especially without offending somebody, because I have to admit, I have a lot of good people in my life, and I appreciate them, very much, but ….

He never said– never…. He didn’t wanted me to be attached to him, but I became so anyway… It’s… so .. odd, an odd sensation….

And now, I’ve disappointed myself. I remember after my very first boyfriend dumped me I promised myself that i would be cold, and detached (Which I have accomplished for the most part, quite well) and I have to say, i enjoy it. It’s a carefree life, not worrying about others, and …. when I say others I mean, the human race, I dont’ have to worry about them, for the most part, my life is a one person show, that being ME. So… Yeah, I wasn’t extremely attached to everyone there, at work, my old work….. Except him. My old Boss constantly promised me things he never gave me. People usually do that, and dont’ fulfill what they say… and I take it… very seriously…

He never promised me anything, and gave me so much.

The ability to laugh at myself

To feel love, and caring for someone who never did something for me.

THe ability to be myself, and express myself freely

I was able, to be me.

I don’t know if he understands all that I got from our working relationship, but, It was a lot. Enough for me to care about him, he taught me so much…

And for that, he’s endeared to me.

I’m such a sappy freak, and I’m extremely mellow right now, but I can see (as you probably can too) That i am a freak…. and sappy, with the sappiness…. and stuff.

-Anyway-

We finished Buffy (Yippie) and I’m having this sinking feeling that buying an Xbox for one (VERY SHORT) game is a bad Idea. *blinks* Oh well, There is always DOA!

HAHA!

Derringer Meryl [You never sang my song]Out