Undone

Happy Happy Happy!!!!

I just got done watching Buffy. Can we say great? I won’t spoil it for you, but can we say love fest? not a gross one. Just warm fuzzie making people not kill type things…..

*nods* That’s the best ever. Anyway–

My Wonderful lovely nice and sweet and so many other nice adjectives Boss let me have the week off so I can get over my Pnemonia. What a nice man. I’ll have to bake him brownies, or something nice.

I’m getting better in more ways than one. I’m defeating that nice man and I’m not thinking about him that way anymore. In fact often I’m just thinking about schoolwork and all that. And with school work I am safe.

Ahhh so safe.

Anyway– I think I’ll go and finish fixing my web site and what not. you all will have to stop in sometime.

Ciao

Well I still am sick. But they know what it is now.

Pneumonia.

More than likely I just horribly spelled that wrong. I don’t care. I don’t mind and I’m betting that i’m the only one who reads this on a basis that is more than sporadic.

Finally it is easing up.

anyway exfiles is ending, and I want to watch.

Ta- Wish me luck on my crazy final things.

So i happen to still be sick. However add to the constant coughing the possibility with each coughing spree a nosebleed that lasts about a half an hour.

Not so much fun.

So I missed work.

Then I had horrible panic attacks all day that I would be fired. I usually can reason my little worries and what not away with some confidence with the people around me. I ask them the question that’s bothering me, and they reassure me. That’s how it NORMALLY works.

Except today.

They all agreed that it was a serious possibility that I could get fired.

To them I say a great big thank you. Nothing like panicking a person who has Anxiety disorders.

REAL great Idea.

The whole Idea was bleed all over stuff and cough on the air I breathe at work, or stay home and do the same.

I chose to stay home. I could have went. Maybe I should have. I wish I had someone to comfort me. That is other than my Cat, who is currently on my lap. While a cat is comforting, I wish he could talk. And yes that might be a little freaky– I enjoy the thoughts of a talking cat.

*Thinks about how often her silent cat is around her*

Never mind. Talking Cats are a very bad idea.

A boyfriend who is sensitive and straight is better.

I worry that every phone call is my boss firing me. Telling me that I’m not a team player…. that I’m not doing what I should.

Oy.

I’m so grouchy too. I don’t feel like talking– I just want someone to say that I don’t have to worry about HAVING a job at 17, that it’s okay that I just have to worry about highschool stuff, like the prom and whether I’m nice enough.

I don’t need to worry about a car, any kids, a job, or anything else.

Why was my childhood squandered? oh right i had no choice, and since it’s been robbed I’ll just become the cold hearted bitch that hates the person who stole it.

I can’t live life– it’s been stolen from me. ITS TOO LATE.

Derringer Meryl Out

Have you ever been so oooo ooo ooo ooo sick that you wanted to hurl every time you cough?

I have. The horrible thing is that they don’t know what it is. So annoying. I cough until my head hurts, and my throught wants to never speak or move or anything. I cough and cough….. Till my sides seize with pain. It makes me wheeze to walk from one class to another, it doesn’t usually, just right now while I’m sick. My chest hurts, my teeth clentch….. is that spelled right? Clentch. clench…. clench…. there. I could fix it, but it would void that whole line, and that takes time to do that. I don’t feel like taking the time. Call it a quirk.

Did I tell you my boss chased me around with lysol on monday? Serious. If anyone who reads this *cricket sounds* can tell me the hazards of inhaling lysol– please leave me a note, email me, do whatever you need to. I’d really like to know.

The moral dilemma there is though…. that my boss is a really nice guy, he just didn’t want to get sick– That’s understandable. He thought I was coughing on air. If you heard me, you’d know different. Maybe he doesn’t have any asthma in his family– anyway. He was afraid of me like I had the plague.

Oy.

I could sue, since I told him to stop, and it was making it worse and what not, but he has three kids, and one on the way….. He needs this job.

i need my life

I don’t know if it’s gotten worse because of that. I don’t know because I’ve never had this before….. Sure I’ve been sick, I spent a good portion of eighth grade in the Doctor’s office trying to get the stupid HMO to take my tonsils out.

They wouldn’t for nearly a year. Then a new strain of Strep throat came out that was resistant to ammoxicillin, and they were scared. I knew I had helped make that virus. I don’t feel bad, I blame the HMO. Now instead of giving anti-biotics they just send you home and tell you to drink fluids. Of course listening to your patients isn’t an option.

Oh Well, I finally got my tonsils out. Thank goodness to the nice doctor I finally went to.

Thank you Doctor.

Stupid Bueraucracies. Grief.

Anyway- I’m not sure what to do. I’ll ponder and get back to you

DM out

We need more cereal

My older brother whines about the lack of our ‘good’ cereal. All of it is for little kids, or old people. I happen to agree, on the little kids or old people part, but I think that’s fine. No cereal happens to be marketed to young adults who are single. Not really to my knowledge.

Oh wait– That’s vodka.

It’s really amazing how much people whine when they aren’t doing anything anyway. My brother is twenty three. He lives at home, not necissarily a bad thing but he doesn’t have a job. It’s really sort of annoying to have the one person who does nothing complain the most.

That’s life i suppose.

It’s really interesting that some days I can handle the fact that i’m single, and the idea of having another person’s tongue in my mouth is disgusting. Other days all Its all I can do to keep myself from jumping on my ex-boyfriend. He usually helps with that though, he is the king of rude remarks. jerk

I’m sick at home again today. It amazes me how you can pay a doctor to tell you that he’s not sure if it’s a virus or allergies, whereupon he sends you home. How odd, and a waste. I think we as a nation (That is America, the United States…. yeah–) spend so much time in the doctor’s office. I remember my eighth grade year….. I was in a doctor’s office all the time. stupid doctors.

I cleaned my room. I threw a lot of crap away. Not literal crap, obviously, just crap I wonder why I held onto it. I can’t wait until I get a file cabinet. *sigh* It’s a little odd that the highlight of my shopping is a File Cabinet. I love them though, they let such order …. ahhh…..

i started to cry, that started the whole world laughing…. If I had just seen, that the joke was on me…..

*cough cough* I’m so tired of the waste of school. I go– okay not yesterday or the day before that, or today– but all we do is — is? Stupid things. I mean sure some kids would thrive with what they’re teaching. Some kids — but not me. I need to learn and go. I don’t like to sit and THINK about what i’ve learned.

Sheesh.

I felt like a moron last night– But I don’t think i’ll cover that right now.

Derringer *cough* Meryl Out