Undone

So i happen to still be sick. However add to the constant coughing the possibility with each coughing spree a nosebleed that lasts about a half an hour.

Not so much fun.

So I missed work.

Then I had horrible panic attacks all day that I would be fired. I usually can reason my little worries and what not away with some confidence with the people around me. I ask them the question that’s bothering me, and they reassure me. That’s how it NORMALLY works.

Except today.

They all agreed that it was a serious possibility that I could get fired.

To them I say a great big thank you. Nothing like panicking a person who has Anxiety disorders.

REAL great Idea.

The whole Idea was bleed all over stuff and cough on the air I breathe at work, or stay home and do the same.

I chose to stay home. I could have went. Maybe I should have. I wish I had someone to comfort me. That is other than my Cat, who is currently on my lap. While a cat is comforting, I wish he could talk. And yes that might be a little freaky– I enjoy the thoughts of a talking cat.

*Thinks about how often her silent cat is around her*

Never mind. Talking Cats are a very bad idea.

A boyfriend who is sensitive and straight is better.

I worry that every phone call is my boss firing me. Telling me that I’m not a team player…. that I’m not doing what I should.

Oy.

I’m so grouchy too. I don’t feel like talking– I just want someone to say that I don’t have to worry about HAVING a job at 17, that it’s okay that I just have to worry about highschool stuff, like the prom and whether I’m nice enough.

I don’t need to worry about a car, any kids, a job, or anything else.

Why was my childhood squandered? oh right i had no choice, and since it’s been robbed I’ll just become the cold hearted bitch that hates the person who stole it.

I can’t live life– it’s been stolen from me. ITS TOO LATE.

Derringer Meryl Out